To HATE going on holiday with a baby

[Al991]

This is a rant, just a warning.

Have gone on a UK hol with my 12m old and oh my god I’ve hated every second of it.

Despite initially struggling a lot with PND I handle parenting pretty well at home now. I feel in control, have smiles and laughs with her and enjoy it but OMG being on holiday with a baby is shit.

First of all as soon as you arrive, you wish you didn’t have a baby. I never feel like this normally but everyone is having a lovely bloody time drinking wine, going on long walks, playing cards into the night and am I?? Bloody no!! I’m cleaning up sick, trying to get her to eat, trying to keep her entertained without her usual 5000 toys. It’s awful. I feel guilty for hating it and for thinking how lovely this would be if she weren’t here!!

Her sleep is shit while away, don’t know why, the travel cot looks really uncomfortable tbf. I’m sick to death of rocking her back to sleep.

Honestly I am shocked, I thought I was passed this stage of just hating parenting. Woke my partner up in tears at 4am after the FIFTH atine trying to put her down in her cot just saying how much I bloody hate this holiday and how shit it is.

We are going home today thank god. Fingers crossed her sleep goes back to normal and she doesn’t keep doing this cos it’s a nightmare.

I stg I don’t know what’s wrong with me, loads of people I know travel abroad and stuff with babies all the time and seem to enjoy it??? So why can’t I get the hang of this?

I feel you @Al991 we’re currently on a staycation and sleep has gone to pot!

We’re exhausted and still have to drive home at the weekend 🥱

I think it's pretty rare to enjoy holidays with a baby. Holidays were made for relaxations and pure enjoyment – they were not made to just to the same shit you do at home but in a different location, and a 12m old can't reap any of the rewards of a holiday either, so in my opinion they are pretty pointless.

I only started doing UK breaks with my twins when they reached 2yrs and could understand the concept of a holiday and enjoy/get excited about the novelty of it. Now they are 6, holidays are really fun as they are so happy and excited and involved. I just spent a week in Spain where my daughters as happy to on a sun lounger while I drank Pina coladas and read while DH and son played in the pool.

You're not wrong, it's shit. First proper holiday as a mother I basically wept my way through, counting down to home time.

I reckon from about age 2 it gets a bit easier. Resort with toddler pool and easy to get back for naps. You get time to yourself while they sleep. It's shit though.

My kids are older now (primary age) but tbh I still get the rage a bit that holidays are mostly about them.

It is totally same shit, different location with babies and young toddlers. My babies were high-maintenance and sensitive to their environment, and were always unsettled in new places plus would NOT pram sleep. So it was basically trying to have "fun" while also doing without all the things that made our lives work at home - baby kit, toys, baby groups and playgroups/playparks. It was shit.

My youngest is 6 and I'd say that it's in the last 2 years that holidays started to be fun again.

We have came abroad with our 12 month old and 3 year old and feeling the same OP. Husband and I have been saying the same for the last few days. Being at home is actually easier as they can be contained in the living room, you can eat dinner while they play etc. When you’re here it’s like the whole thing is just frantic. You can’t get a mouthful of food without either my toddler bouncing on the seats or baby screaming and wriggling about. I’ve spent the week with baby wriggling on me on the sun lounger. It’s like I’m over stimulated and touched-out in the most extreme way 🙈 I’m trying to be grateful and ‘enjoy’ what I can of the holiday as I know we’ll go home to the cold and rain and remember it completely differently wishing I was back! We went on a UK holiday earlier this year that involved being constantly on the go and I actually think that was better as there was no relaxing involved. We had takeaways in the accommodation every night so could eat it without worrying about disturbing other people etc.

I don’t think we will come abroad again for a while after this as it is just a waste of money right now but will try to book something more ‘active’ for the next break 🙈

OP we took our DD to australia for 3 weeks when she had just turned 1.

We took our own travel cot on the plane and our own pushchair.

At night we used to give her her evening bottle about 7pm and she would drink it in the pushchair laid back slightly, then she would fall asleep and we would drop the pushchair to lie flat, put a blackout shade on and she would sleep through dinner in restaurants.

If I had tried the same thing with DS, we would never have left the apartment!!

I think each child is different and you have to work with what you have.

Of course...it's same shit, different place and actually worse because you don't have your home comforts and set up.

I agree. Op, give yourself permission to NOT go on holiday for a few years (or go on a short break and find childcare!). Some babies don't adapt easily to new surroundings and it is miserable and expensive. You're not a failure for not enjoying it. Also, everything will start to feel better eventually. Just give it time and lower your expectations.

I felt the same. In fact I knew I would hate it and refused to go on holiday until each of mine were 2.5 years old. I found the baby stage absolutely relentless and holidays would have been no exception plus as you say there's all the extra reasons why they are out of sorts.

Once they get to 2.5-3 years they are much better at knackering themselves out with swimming (heavily supervised obviously) and running around, more interested in what's going on (mine loved mini disco and a bit older, kids clubs). Plus they are old enough to bribe to sit still for short spells etc.

Holidays will get fabulous for you again I promise. Ours were very kiddie-friendly for a few years but from about age 7 theyve done some quite adventurous long haul stuff with us and we've all loved it.

YANBU to feel how you feel but it's not the case for everyone. Currently on holiday with a baby around the same age and having a great time. We cosleep which makes her more settled at night in a new environment though I think. It's obviously different but we're still having fun.

Our first holiday with DD was the worst thing ever. Now she’s 4 is actually not that bad.

That won’t help you now though. Hope you survive the holidays!

I can honestly say that going on holiday with my small children wasn't that much more difficult than before. I was never envious though of child free activities, I'd just do what we wanted to. At night time I didn't really want to be out anyway so I was fine to be cuddled up with my babies.

Btw I'm actually abroad and I think in a way it's better as at least the sun is out. Me and DH take turns having a break and a sunbathe sometimes.

Going on holiday with a baby isn't a holiday its a hassle 😅.
Works amazing for some not for others.
The thought of all the packing and travelling and then extra washing etc puts me off. Haven't been abroad with mine.
We did do a weekend in UK with family ds1 was 3 and ds2 was about 6 months. That was tiring but manageable because we were all in one big property and there was loads of hands on deck and plenty of other kids for mine to play with.
Hope u enjoy the rest of it.
Remember it's only a season in your life x

Absolutely nothing wrong with you OP, holidays with babies are HARD. I had the exact same thoughts- why can't I do this when it seems everyone else can?!

It took me until dc was 3 to fully accept that holidays as I knew it were over and to lean into the kind of holidays I wouldn't have consider3d before. Basically as long as dc is happy, everyone is happy.

It's bloody hard work and can feel relentless at that age when they still rely on you so much.
Solidarity OP - it will improve as they get older, and as you learn each time what does/doesn't work, promise. Still always hard though!

I have always travelled with both my kids since they were born, I live for my 4 holidays a year!

But in all honesty, the holidays when they were between 1 and 2 years old were the worst! They are too young to be interested in much and too old to just sleep and breastfeed. One of my worst ever travel experiences was a 12 hour flight with an 18 month old. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown at one point.

Dont fret, I’m sure next summer’s holiday will be much better.

I think with very young children you need to chose the trip careful and have realistic expectations.

Traveling is a bit of a headache in general and the extra providing for a small child needs a bit of thought to make life easier. (I still find it really tiring even if I'm without a child and ask that's before you get where you're going.) Planning snacks and entertainment for the journey, a couple of small favourite toys and bits to do all help but some children simply don't like being in a different place, you can make it easier but not change that.
I think choosing a destination where you can have a relax bit of sun, gym whatever it is that you like but that allows you to make child life easier is the key. Also realising that with a baby you probably don't want to be out drinking or partying until late makes a difference as to the kind of holiday you have. I don't mean you need be in bed at 8pm but they're are loads of good resorts and self catering places where you can do pool, beach, play stuff with your child whilst they are with you, that have family friendly entertainment, be it live music or some kind of entertainment & mini club for when children are bigger.
Some places are better catered for taking children out to local restaurants, places for a drink etc than others. It's about choosing well.
I personally wouldn't goion a friends group holiday with my child at all. I need more flexibility than that allows but if everyone in the group has children at least there is general awareness if limitations, tiredness levels and what's realistic.
I can't imagine choosing to stay up late drinking then having to get to and do a whole day of holiday with a baby. A couple of drinks with my children in their buggies maybe, but it's a different lifestyle.

Over all I think you just sound exhausted from the trip. Sleep deprivation and tiredness is terrible. Prepping for a
Holiday is stressful and tiring, travelling is tiring And having a different change if routine stopping a child from sleeping is too much. Minimise the differences.
I've had one easy to travel with child and one much less so and always say im worn or after a holiday with children compared to on my own. If you have an ill partner or one who isn't helping in the trip it's so much worse- ive been there.
Don't be disheartened, chose a destination suitable for children your LOs age, even things like euipment and food places provide can make life easier but so can the expectation and idea of what a holiday is.

I hope you make a bit of a catch up on sleep. Sounds like you're shattered.

You can tell who has “easier” babies from the responses. It’s not a holiday really, it’s the same parenting but without all your stuff.

My 1st DS is 3 now and has always been high maintenance. Just now getting to the stage where going away would be easier. We also have a 7 month old who is much more chilled. If he was our 1st and we just had him then I could see the appeal of holidays.

I think it depends on the type of holiday you are used to too - we've always had self catering UK holidays (even pre-kids) which I think made the transition easier, we do the same kind of days out (beach, castles, country houses) and the same lazy evenings at the holiday house.

We've also done holidays with family a few times which I never thought I'd do but it makes a huge difference having other people around to help out and even babysit for an evening !

Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time.

It does get easier, my second is nearly 4 months old and we've been away, abroad, twice!!

I was filled with dread at first but babies adapt, the key is plenty of snacks for the journey and lots of options for entertainment, whether you choose colouring or finger poppers or even rattlers. Mini humans just need interaction and a source of entertainment.

By no means holidays are fuss free, but you can't stop living just because you have a child depending on you. Just take it easy and try not to stress, most people are understanding. Those who aren't understanding have either never had kids or dealt with them and you can simply just ignore negative interactions!

We're currently on a holiday in the US with 2.5 year old and can happily say it gets better. It's tough at the stage you're at. They're still so unstable. We're had no issues, she was an absolute angel on the 8 hour flight and has slept like a champ. As they get older (even just a year and a half older than yours is) they start being able to entertain themselves and actually want to sleep at night. We went out late with friends one night as well and she just slept in her stroller and then we just changed her without waking her, brushed her teeth (that was a bit riskier... but it worked) and she just went to bed easily.

You don't have to like this holiday. That's okay. It's just not the same any more. It slowly seems to go back to normal.

It's really hard. DS was 4 the first time we went abroad and that was to Disneyland Paris! At that age we tended to book a nice hotel within about 3 hours (Cornwall/New Forest) and stick to just pottering locally. Glass of wine in the room after the baby was asleep.

Travelling with baby and toddlers is hard! I've done quite a few trips with my now 2 year old from long haul to camping and have enjoyed them all in their own way but some far more than others. I think you have to find what works for you and make sure you have everything you may need!

The more child friendly the better e.g., great when with older cousins or families with other toddlers who play together whilst I drink my wine! The worst was when with other child free couples in a non child friendly accommodation and I had to chase them constantly - after that I am picky about where I'll stay.

The other thing is my expectations have generally been that I'll be doing the same parenting somewhere and to expect some meltdowns, disturbed sleep and that bribery (snacks, new toys, Tv) is fine! DP has the same realisation about a day in to each holiday that it's not going to be how it was pre-baby and he won't just get to relax and then a day of sulking which I find harder to handle but he does come out of it and we enjoy the rest as much as we can.

I think you would have found it better if you were holidaying as just your family unit. Having other childless couples just heightens the want to be able to join them and have a drink or two and relax. And a holiday with a young child is not that! As others have said it’s the same crap different location and can really upset baby’s usual routine, sleeping etc.
When I went on the first holiday with my eldest who is now 8, I had all these big ambitions that I would be able to sit in the clubhouse and have a couple of drinks whilst he slept in the buggy - how naive was I!! I have found that not having any expectations on how things are supposed to go helps. Now I just go with the flow and accept that the children take priority. I’ve just come back from a week away with an 8yr, 4yr and 3 month old and we had a great time. It’s never stress free and things will always crop up but accepting that makes life easier. And the older baby gets, the easier in some ways it will be.

I found a UK holiday harder than an abroad one, at least the heat tends to knock them out and you've got the pool to be in and out of!

Going away with people who don't have the same ties as you just magnifies the difference and expectation of how the holiday will go doesn't help either.

As others have said it does get easier, and all of a sudden you're enjoying yourself again (albeit in a different way to pre kids 🤣)