Long distance partner saying he 'can't visit' this month

[JennaRink]

I recently stayed with my long distance partner for a week at his home. We are 3 hours apart on the UK. We usually take turns, as he can often attend meetings online. He teaches at a university and his term doesn't properly start until November.

Admittedly, I have more flexibility overall to work remotely.

He also will come to me for a weekend or previously has fit his visits in a way where he then leaves for meetings.

Talking about when we'd next see each other I said will you come to visit me next this month and he said 'sorry I can't, I have meetings'. But it's an entire month and this was the end of the explanation?

The idea then was we'd meet in the middle at a city for a weekend but now it looks far too expensive, i'd expect him to make an effort

@Biggaybear we do but neither of us have a car at the moment. One or both are thinking about getting one though.

We can both get a direct 3 hour train. I just did it the other day and it was quite relaxed. It's not an issue for me and he's done it lots.

He also went to London yesterday which took 3 hours. He's well accustomed to travel.

That's quite hurtful to hear. I know you don't mean to be as you're just commenting.

I'm sorry, didn't mean to be hurtful, but to me real partners would be getting together as often as possible without needing advice from others. I hope it does work out for you.

I got pregnant by accident then married someone after a long distance relationship that was like this. He never made any effort, it was all one sided. It has never got any better, he is still entitled and can't be fucked to make any effort. Get out now it won't improve.

If he wanted to, he would.

I think OP you need to protect your heart. I think you would like to see him as much as you could. My feeling is that he reflected on your conversation about seeing more of each other and perhaps thought it wasn't really what he wanted. I am sorry it sounds as though he is withdrawing from the relationship.

Does he have things on every weekend? I wouldn’t be putting up with that. I would probably drop back slightly in terms of effort.

Maybe you need to readjust your expectations: seeing somebody every fortnight isn't always possible. Can't you just enjoy spending time with your other friends this month, and talk to this guy on the phone/online, secure in the knowledge that you'll spend more time together in person next month?
I'm writing as someone who's had various long distance relationships, including with someone who moved to West Wales (6 hours on the train then an hour's drive - or longer for a bus) after we'd got together. We only managed to see each other every 3 weeks, taking it on turns to travel between Wales and London. It wasn't always easy to combine that with a demanding job/ other commitments, and meeting up every two weeks wouldn't have been possible. I never thought of them as being 'lukewarm', i just appreciated that we were both independent adults with fulfilling lives, who chose to spend time together.

OP, he's really not that into you, whilst he may indeed like you and be happy when you deliver yourself.

You are wasting your time.
Start dating again.
If you have a lovely life where you live do NOT move to him.
Too often women on MN do that and bitterly regret it.

You are so lucky to have a lovely supportive life where you live, protect it.

Don't waste anymore time with someone who doesn't see you as a priority.

You deserve someone who really wants this to work and is always trying to meet up.
That isn't him.

@JennaRink if you've just spent a week together, could it be he doesn't see you living together now.

Trying (and failing) to let the relationship fizzle out?