To feel so utterly joyless?

[Twointhehand1]

I don’t know what’s happened to me. I feel like I am just existing.

I have a loving family, great DH, decent well paid job, no financial or health concerns and I am so so deeply unhappy. I feel so selfish feeling this way as I literally have nothing to be unhappy about.

I used to be fun. I used to love to laugh. Constantly arranging fun activities for everyone who wanted to come along. I was always the one who hosted the parties. I lived for trips away and socialising. I look at pictures of the ‘old me’ and I look so happy and full of life. I want to be that person again.

Nothing gives me joy. I am about to go away on a lovely holiday. I got my suitcase out of the loft and sobbed because I felt nothing. No excitement, no joy……….nothing. It felt like a chore. The old me would have loved every second of packing, outfit planning, looking forward to activities that we’d do whilst there.

I feel empty. I just float along, faking smiles. Nothing and I mean nothing makes me feel……happy, excited fun.

Am I alone here? Is it my age? (42 and no peri symptoms yet) Is this a phase? I really want to just shake my head and snap out of this rut!

HelpNeededBeforeIHaveABreakdown
No he hasn't. I have been to the doctors twice with him now and they've done bloods buy haven't mentioned coeliac disease.

This is exactly how I feel except I'm at the stage where I can't even fake the smiles anymore. It's so contradictory too: e.g. I love my children but I just want to be left alone at the same time. I resent having to do all the things I don't want to do and I just can't seem to be selfless anymore

Yep same here! The other night I had a meltdown when I realised that yet again I was coming back from work, doing the cooking and the washing-up whilst DH was upstairs working and DS was on his games. I mean, how can they be so damned ignorant! I feel just like walking out tbh