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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go and speak to a neighbour who reported you to Social care?

102 replies

Wonderingwhat2do2 · 05/09/2024 11:50

Context.
Said neighbour is a few doors down and is feeding off information from an immediate next door neighbour whom I have had a falling out with. Neighbour a few doors down knows me to speak to me in the road so I am very disappointed they didn't just knock on the door and speak to me. They are also not aware of the challenges I am currently experiencing regarding DD's behaviour and the reasons why. Said neighbour is also calling up my DDs school asking for information and has been kindly told by school to mind her own.
Should I go and speak to her ? not confront in any way as we all have a duty of care and I understand that, but just to put her in the picture as to what is going on.

OP posts:
OrigamiOwls · 05/09/2024 11:52

How do you definitely know it's her?

elliejjtiny · 05/09/2024 11:53

I wouldn't, no

Edingril · 05/09/2024 11:53

If the neighbour has concerns they are right to report it

outdamnedspots · 05/09/2024 11:54

Said neighbour is also calling up my DDs school asking for information and has been kindly told by school to mind her own.

How do you know this? The school certainly shouldn't be telling you.

Original poster
Wonderingwhat2do2 · 05/09/2024 11:54

I know it was her as I was told.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 05/09/2024 11:54

Why do you think somebody you only know to wave to in the street and who has no reason to want to be malicious towards you, would want to make malicious reports? If you’ve been struggling with your DC’s challenging behaviour then isn’t it more likely that the behaviour has been heard or seen and she is genuinely concerned? Social services aren’t the enemy: if things are difficult in your home at the moment, accepting their help might be the better thing to do.

Original poster
Wonderingwhat2do2 · 05/09/2024 11:56

Said neighbour is what you would call a busybody... I am not wanting to speak to her because of the call to Social care, as said, we all have a duty of care. However she is now meddling and she isn't aware of the fuller picture.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 05/09/2024 11:57

I'd be wary, especially as it might not even have been them. Could it have been the neighbour you fell out with? What did they actually accuse you of? Presuming if the social were to see and speak to you it would all be dismissed?
If I were you I'd just try and deal with SS if you need to. Just ignore and don't engage with either of those neighbours. If it's to do with noise, I guess you could send a note just apologising if they heard anything. But other than that I would leave it.

48Hourss · 05/09/2024 11:58

Told by who?

MillyMollyMandHey · 05/09/2024 11:58

The school told you she was ringing them?

It's right to report things if they concern you; you don't need to have the fuller picture to report - that's what the people investigating will find out in due course as part of their checks.

Presumably if there's nothing amiss, nothing will come of it.

Errors · 05/09/2024 12:00

What is the full picture? Why did she call them? What exactly does she think is going on?
I would go and talk to her if I were you

Sheeparelooseagain · 05/09/2024 12:02

No don't speak to her because it's likely she won't understand any reasons or explanations you give and may see it as something to report you for. It's best ignored.

Octavia64 · 05/09/2024 12:04

You really can't be sure it is her.

If you go and speak to her I don't see any positive outcomes, just negative ones.

It's a very aggressive thing to do and if she has a negative opinion of you it will only be reinforced.

Kitkat1523 · 05/09/2024 12:05

The school won’t have told you or childrens services…..they would be in serious breach of confidentiality if they did…..I wouldn’t say a thing…..just stirs the pot …..ignore

DaniMontyRae · 05/09/2024 12:08

Wonderingwhat2do2 · 05/09/2024 11:54

I know it was her as I was told.

By whom? This is how rumours spread, blindly accepting what one person tells you.
And even if it was this neighbour, it sounds like she possibly has good reason to call social services. She doesn't need to know the wider context or to speak to you. We have social services for a reason. She wouldn't know whether speaking to you would cause further problems in your household.

Dotjones · 05/09/2024 12:08

Don't speak to her, it will just reinforce her impression that you have something to hide or there is something amiss.
If there's nothing wrong, there's a good chance nothing will happen. If we want a society where people are able to report suspicions rather than ignore them then there is a bit of collateral damage because not everything reported will actually be a problem.

HerewegoagainSS · 05/09/2024 12:10

If your daughter’s bad behavior is affecting the peace of the street and neighborhood, it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are. Your neighbors deserve to live peacefully too. You clearly need help managing her so hopefully SS will be able to point you in the direction of the right services.

Maria1979 · 05/09/2024 12:14

Social services are not your ennemy. If you are struggling with your daughter they can provide help for you. People are afraid of SS but they should know that placing a child in a fosterhome is the LAST solution when nothing else has worked. Everyone wants children to stay with their parents unless they are in danger and the parents refuse to get help.

Gowlett · 05/09/2024 12:15

She didn’t say it was malicious. The neighbour has genuine concerns. Next door probably didn’t want to report… OP has said that there are challenges, at home, with her child.

We have a noisy household. There is shouting & swearing. It’s not always peaceful. My DH grew up this way… I don’t like it, and prefer calm. I do worry what my neighbours think.

Edingril · 05/09/2024 12:17

Wonderingwhat2do2 · 05/09/2024 11:56

Said neighbour is what you would call a busybody... I am not wanting to speak to her because of the call to Social care, as said, we all have a duty of care. However she is now meddling and she isn't aware of the fuller picture.

If the street knows what is going because your house is too loud it needs to stop, there is no bigger picture if there are issues there are issues, It is not EastEnders

Serencwtch · 05/09/2024 12:19

Best to engage with social services & take them up on any support that is offered.
Presumably there's a problem if neighbours are complaining but if not social services are so overstretched they will leave you alone once they have checked there are no problems.
If neighbours repeatedly make malicious reports then SS can deal with that directly with the neighbour.

KreedKafer · 05/09/2024 12:20

Of course you shouldn’t speak to her. She’s made her report because she was concerned. If the concern is unfounded, that’s the end of it.

Meditationgame · 05/09/2024 12:20

You won't have been told by anyone professional so anyone who "told" you will have done so out of malice.

ns87 · 05/09/2024 12:21

It seems telling that you have already fallen out with another neighbour.

The behaviour must be awful for a neighbor to contact SS

Original poster
Wonderingwhat2do2 · 05/09/2024 12:23

I have been deliberately vague regarding details as to not be outing, however next door neighbour is known for being very vindictive. As said, she has been feeding other neighbour a few doors down things that are simply not true. I have had a call from Social Care already who gave me a precis of the complaint - none of it is at all factual.

OP posts:
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