Would you go and speak to a neighbour who reported you to Social care?

[Wonderingwhat2do2]

Context.
Said neighbour is a few doors down and is feeding off information from an immediate next door neighbour whom I have had a falling out with. Neighbour a few doors down knows me to speak to me in the road so I am very disappointed they didn't just knock on the door and speak to me. They are also not aware of the challenges I am currently experiencing regarding DD's behaviour and the reasons why. Said neighbour is also calling up my DDs school asking for information and has been kindly told by school to mind her own.
Should I go and speak to her ? not confront in any way as we all have a duty of care and I understand that, but just to put her in the picture as to what is going on.

You can't make that kind of assumption based on 2 posts.

No, I wouldn't. Would be acting like nothing happened

Under no circumstances give this person anymore ammunition to use against you. She will definitely lie about your interaction and the fact that you went to her home will reinforce that you are the bad guy.

You're assuming a lot about your neighbours

Leave it and don't presume the description you have been of the person who made the report is accurate.

I have been accused of calling social services on two former neighbours in the past due to them having apparently having noisy children.

When they have approached me to apologised I have pointed out that I can't hear their children at all, there are actually two other neighbours who meet the description given to them and of those two neighbours only one would actually be able to hear their children as they are directly adjoining their homes.

Basically the council was covering themselves by giving a description that matched three of us.

Just engage with SS if and as necessary. It sounds as if the backstory is pure supposition based on assumptions about the neighbour you've fallen out with and another neighbour you think they may be feeding information to.

I assure you this happens all the time; not everyone behaves professionally, and all that's necessary is to pretend you know it came from such-and-such and too many will mindlessly confirm it, knowing perfectly well there'll be no comeback because they can claim "they already knew"

That said I agree that approaching the neighbour would be unwise. If it's a genuine concern but unwarranted SS will do a quick check and close the case, and if the intent was malicious OP would just be handing them more drama to feed off

The fuller picture is none of her business.
If you are thinking you can confide in her and she'll feel sympathy and be supportive you are likely in for disappointment.

All that needs to happen is the school carry on telling her that they will not give her any information.

Fucking hell OP, I'm sorry you've had some arsehole responses - this place amazes me. How about giving a bit of support to a mum who is struggling with her child's challenging behaviour instead of making up shit like this

If your daughter’s bad behavior is affecting the peace of the street and neighborhood, it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are. Your neighbors deserve to live peacefully too

If the street knows what is going because your house is too loud it needs to stop, there is no bigger picture if there are issues there are issues, It is not EastEnders

OP just ignore them, as long as you are doing what you need to be doing then don't feed the neighbourhood trolls

Deal with social services to get the complaint closed.

Make it clear that you think the complaint is malicious.

If complaints keep being made against you then you can escalate but until then just get the current one closed.

BTW both my mum and now I have had to do that.

Ooh no - leave it alone I’d say. You know what’s going on and SS will do when they speak to you. I used to work for SS and I would consider that you seeking out a neighbour to call them out on a report could be seen as intimidation by you. Even though that’s not what you intend they are likely to report your negative contact or even genuinely be intimidated by it. If they are a busybody (and there are many out there) you need to rise above it and leave them to it. If they are making unfounded reports they will eventually be seen as vexatious. If there is some substance to the reports SS can really be a good source of help - just show you are open to it the help. You may end up being thankful to the neighbours for helping you access the support.

I would speak to social care team and raise concerns that this neighbour is bordering on harassment- a third party would be the right people to speak to her to let her know her concerns have been taken in to consideration and that she is now at risk of over stepping.

Who told you it was her. As it won’t have been social care.

What do you think it will achieve? If she thinks there are enough concerns to report to social care, you denying them probably isn't going to change her mind

They can indicate who made the complaint but they won't tell you exactly who the person is.

So it does mean if you have more than one neighbour who fits the description then you can end up accusing the wrong person.

10000%. OP you are only are feeding into her busybody nature by talking to her about ’the full picture’.

Deal with the SS process and get it closed out. Will they offer help/a plan re. your daughter’s behaviour?

Sorry for the stress you are experiencing however I wouldn’t say anything on the basis it may deter her from reporting a valid concern elsewhere in future.

Busybodies are incredibly frustrating yet equally people who don’t turn a blind eye to things that concern them save lives.

Thank you - this is a really helpful and clear response without all of the speculation from others I can see.
Really appreciate this and this has agreed to me that approaching her isn't the best thing to do. I am grateful that she has exercised her duty of care as it will eventually lead to some help for us which is well needed.

What are you hoping to achieve by talking to her?

Sorry but that's bullshit. Like fuck would I let neighbours not only gossip about me but also report me to social care and let it go unchallenged.
OP absolutely has the right to defend herself and her family - at the very least to determine exactly what has been said.

Do not speak to her.
She’ll lie about your interaction and tell everyone you’re aggressive or harassing.
You haven’t got anything to hide and that’s all that matters.

I really wouldn't. Might not even have been her, and nothing good ever comes from feeding the gossips.

Fighting fire with fire never ends well.

If it will lead to help then she's done the right thing. She must have her reasons, and you must have your reasons for needing the help.

So her report had some truth in it and had helped you access support? In that case if you want to speak to her say thank you? Explain you've had some challenges and are now getting the support you need