Would you go and speak to a neighbour who reported you to Social care?

[Wonderingwhat2do2]

Context.
Said neighbour is a few doors down and is feeding off information from an immediate next door neighbour whom I have had a falling out with. Neighbour a few doors down knows me to speak to me in the road so I am very disappointed they didn't just knock on the door and speak to me. They are also not aware of the challenges I am currently experiencing regarding DD's behaviour and the reasons why. Said neighbour is also calling up my DDs school asking for information and has been kindly told by school to mind her own.
Should I go and speak to her ? not confront in any way as we all have a duty of care and I understand that, but just to put her in the picture as to what is going on.

It's not 'fighting' anything. It's supporting your family.

Right so you're not happy with her not speaking to you and instead calling social services, but you somehow don't know whether you should speak to her.

For god's sake.

If people just spoke to each other and stopped messing about, Christ. You're an adult, go and talk to her.

I would keep your communications to SSD only. They are used to dealing with these sort of reports and will deal with it appropriately. They know that there are times when these are malicious. Your job is simply to be straight with them. Getting into a dispute with another neighbour will achieve nothing. Keep your cool and be honest and clear.

To be fair to the neighbour who reported, we are all under an obligation to report anything of concern regarding children. These reports often turn out to be unfounded, but the proper steps need to be taken. Allow them to do their job and cooperate fully.

No don't talk to them. Your personal circumstances and the outcome of SS visit is absolutely none of their business.
Act like nothing happened. They will really hate that.

Thats clearly not the situation here and it’s plainly obvious OP would come out the worst of if if she approached the neighbour. OP has even said herself that the report will hopefully lead to her getting help for her daughter, so it seems the report itself is founded, even if the neighbour doesn’t know ’why‘ the daughter is behaving badly.

Supporting the family, in this instance, means engaging with SS to resolve whatever issues have been raised. If the report isn't factual, then it should be easy to resolve.

Going to confront a neighbour is not "supporting your family", and will only reinforce the neighbour's view.

This. My problem was with malicious noise complaints. I knew who it was for reasons I won't disclose on here so I made sure that whenever I met or saw them I smiled, waved, said good morning and so on. They were a couple who seemed to need someone to bully and when it failed with me they tried with other neighbours that they had previously been friendly with. Fortunately they finally moved away.

My neighbour thinks I've reported her to social workers.
I haven't - I've only ever reported her to the police for the racist stuff.
So she assumes I must also be the one that has reported her to social care about her kids, it's her friends on the other side that have done that.
Don't be so sure.
Also, if there is something going on in your house it needs to be looked into.
Stop the shouting and screaming - that's all a neighbour can hear anyway and maybe assumed incorrectly.

What would you be seeking to achieve with this?

Be honest and realistic. How will this help matters?

You are likely to cause a confrontation and put yourself at risk from being called aggressive or harassing them.

If they are using reports to harass you, then report to the relevant channels.

“You were told” Right. Not by anyone official, because that information is NEVER disclosed. If you have an “insider” on SS dept who is feeding you info they should be sacked - deservedly.

Sounds as if you are just as guilty of paying heed to rumours as your neighbours. Ignore it - if there’s nothing in it SS will realise it’s malicious and deal with things accordingly.

You'd be creating more drama when its not needed.

It can happen. I've heard the police tell someone they went to see who reported them! And had a good laugh about it!
How do I know? Summer, their windows open, my windows open, could hear the whole conversation.

We are talking about social services here not the police.

Sure but it’s very rare. I dislike comments like yours as you take a rare example and make it seem like the norm, and the police and ss differ. Sure it can happen but in the overwhelming majority of cases anonymity is kept.

"Sorry but that's bullshit. Like fuck would I let neighbours not only gossip about me but also report me to social care and let it go unchallenged."

Then she would report you for being aggressive even if you weren't.

However you fail to take into account she doesn’t know who it was for sure. She’s not saying who told her it was the neighbour.

We all have a duty of care to report anything untoward involving the safeguarding of minors. If understand correctly, neighbour A has been telling porkies to neighbour B, who reported. I’d be more upset with neighbour A.

I would smile broadly and say a cheery hello everytime you see her.

@Wonderingwhat2do2 From what you have said, it appears you have a 20 year old daughter, who is having issues of some kind. How many other children have you got, because in your OP you have referred to your DD's school, so not sure what's that about, but it is sending people off on replying about a child still at school, when I understand, perhaps wrongly, that it is your older daughter who is needing social care involvement as a vulnerable adult? Is that correct

You could have been describing my street with the neighbour who falls out and carries a few doors down to the busybody and gossip of the town. It is quite a step to go to social services and contact the school to gather information. You are vulnerable in this situation to further gossip or mischief so I would steer well clear of her. Anything you say or do could be twisted, turned against you and used for further ammunition to run to the authorities with.You don't always know who said or did what but you do know they collude and create a bad atmosphere.

The important thing is to tell the social services about the set-up with the neighbours and the possible interfering and busybody motivations associated with their reports and actions. I hope you can sort things out with social services and get the help you need with your daughter.

I would be extremely careful talking to someone who has reported you - it could be seen as intimidation or a guilty conscious.

Definitely don't go out of your way to speak to her.

If you see her in the street I would make friendly conversation and just explain that you’ve had a fall out with the neighbour and you hope that she doesn’t get dragged into it as you have nothing against her.
I wouldn’t mention SS or your kids.

If she’s a busybody and you go round to set her straight, you are just giving her even more to exaggerate and gossip about.

Avoid her, no good can come of having it out with her. You won’t stop her gossiping, whatever the context with your DD. You’ll just give her more material.

People's posts act like the only option is to come across as confrontational. If you go have a word, it doesn't have to be confrontational. It can be like 'i appreciate you've had some concerns just wanted to chat with you' or such like

Anyway it is a tricky one.

I think if I really thought this person had good intentions and it wasn't malicious then yes it might be a good idea to have a word (not to have a confrontation but to kind of explain more etc) but if it's just spite and malicious then no, no point.

I have had malicious calls against me. The children services person on the phone asked if I'd feel comfortable having a word with them. (Although was fine when I said no). But mine was malicious.
Some do it out of his intentions but only you can decide that

It can be like 'i appreciate you've had some concerns just wanted to chat with you' or such like

The trouble is, if this woman is enjoying gossiping about OP and her daughter, then regardless of how friendly OP is, it will get twisted and exaggerated into OP threatening her after she’s told the tale a few times.

Yes that's why I said it depends whether she did it with good intentions or not. Depending on the person sometimes it would work.