Would you go and speak to a neighbour who reported you to Social care?

[Wonderingwhat2do2]

Context.
Said neighbour is a few doors down and is feeding off information from an immediate next door neighbour whom I have had a falling out with. Neighbour a few doors down knows me to speak to me in the road so I am very disappointed they didn't just knock on the door and speak to me. They are also not aware of the challenges I am currently experiencing regarding DD's behaviour and the reasons why. Said neighbour is also calling up my DDs school asking for information and has been kindly told by school to mind her own.
Should I go and speak to her ? not confront in any way as we all have a duty of care and I understand that, but just to put her in the picture as to what is going on.

Where on earth did you get 20 years old from.. nowhere have I said that.

You would only give her fuel for gossip, unfortunately. These people thrive on attention. I would be civil but not initiate any conversation.

@Wonderingwhat2do2 I have no idea. I am so sorry. Think I got more than one thread mixed up in my head when I posted the above. My sincere apologies

And give my two gossipy neighbours more to talk about?

No. Not in a million years.

I absolutely would t be talking to any of the people actively working against you. Whatever you say can be misconstrued and make the situation worse. Only talk to the people who are involved in the care of your children. School, SS etc.

This is worrying, hopefully not told be someone from SS or school. This is way alot of people just mind their own nowadays and don't report or get involved ( not saying you've done anything OP!)

To your question- I wouldn't, maybe you could mention though about the next door neighbour having it in for you, without bringing up the reporting?

I would let her know that the info that neighbor A fed her isn't true. Hopefully that might also minimize any talk that neighbor B might get up to.

If i worked in Admin, and a nosy cow was being purely nasty…. Especially in cases where schools are aware LD’s… etc. I would go so far as to thank the neighbour for the referal to social services and if the matter was resolved than say so. If she keeps on pestering then I would purely say that I would report her to the police for harrasment. School admin people have better things to do than waste oxygen on nosy toads

No I wouldn’t. It will add fuel to the fire. Just speak to the relevant authorities and no one else.

Said neighbour is also calling up my DDs school asking for information and has been kindly told by school to mind her own.

Next time social services gets in touch, report this to them as a safeguarding concern. Tell them that you're worried that this neighbour is trying to find out sensitive and personal information about your daughter. Ask them if you need to be concerned about the level of interest this neighbour is showing in your daughter.

They have no business calling the school, who rightly told them to piss off.

This! 👏👏

I think we'll just have to agree to disagree. Mainly because, you're looking at this as one issue, when it's actually two.
Yes, OP absolutely should engage with SS to secure the help needed for her child. That's one issue.
OP also has a shit-stirring neighbour. That's another issue entirely.
Perfectly possible - and necessary - for OP to deal with both of those 'issues' at the same time.

OP speaking to shit stirring neighbour is unlikely to stop her from stirring. Quite the opposite. Best to say as little to her as possible. You won’t stop her gossiping, just give her more to gossip about.

'Talking to' (aka confronting) shit stirrers just result in more shit being stirred though.

Just rise above it. Remember the old adage never complain never explain. You do not need to tell them anything and by the sound of it whatever you say will be distorted anyway. You have school on your side. That's good.

Personally I would go and talk to her and put her in the picture, making sure I didn't lose my temper.

Actually they do, they have a legal requirement to inform you if someone is ringing and asking questions about your child. They could be plotting kidnap or anything. Our school had to inform au when an estranged relative who we cut off due to his aggressive nature began asking how my son was doing and asking questions about activities they do outside the school like trips football and swimming etc. They informed dus and we informed the police who issued them a harassment order to stop all contact with us and school directly or indirectly. So your in correct if questions are being a sked about your child by anyone other than authorised local authorities, social services, police etc you should be informed. That's why there's safety protocols in place at schools.

You cannot know who reported you. You might suspect, but you cannot know.

Do two things:

Treat the involvement of SS as an opportunity to get help and discover extra support or resources. If nothing else, govt busybodies like to feel appreciated. Grass her up for calling the school etc.

Make a wax doll that looks like her and stab it like a thing possessed.

Grit your teeth and this too shall pass.

Actually this isn’t true, I have been a social worker for 15 years and in most instances we do tell people what the referral is and who the referral is made by if we have the details. Keeping secrets doesn’t work in our job.

just in case anyone is worried if you want to make a truly anonymous referral either withhold your telephone number or do it via the NSPCC but make the referral x

SS will provide details of who made the referral if they were made available at the time.

It's difficult, because in your situation we would all want to go and confront the person. It's incredibly upsetting to be accused of something untrue, especially in relation to your own child. However, nothing good will come of it and it could be perceived as intimidation. I often find these types of people are incredibly good at portraying themselves as the victim, so best to just rise above it and pretend like these people don't exist, or you could consider moving? I wouldn't feel comfortable staying in the same area after that to be honest.

This