İ wish a lovely Eurocamp in the woods with a porch under an acorn tree and a swimming pool one minute away was my home though!
So progress! Yay! But there's also a bit of a hiccup turned up, nooo...my positive glow may wane a bit whilst İ go through it. I'll share the positive first though...
Good news first- I set my alarm for seven and told myself I'll try to go to the Paralympics. I was still having some anxiety underneath the optimism, just because I do really struggle with admin and planning, more so with recent fibromyalgia illness related to my hypermobility worsened by pregnancy. And I felt like I'd reached my limit with all these extra arrangements. But I won't go into the brain fog today- ha! İ just didn't feel like I could get through another day of trains and navigating the metro and DD and going in and out of my bag for tickets (don't know why, just is a thing which hurts my brain post pregnancy). Most of all I was thinking about the suitcase and if Paralympics would be a bad idea, as I had found out that the supermarkets are closed on Sundays. once in a lifetime though. But the alarm went off and I thought 'hmmm I feel like I've had enough sleep, even with the lingering background stress'. I had 45 minutes to get ready and get to the train station outside and somehow, even with waking DD up and looking everywhere for my stuff which has become a bit all over the place, reflecting how I've felt since the events of Wednesday night, we got to the station with six minutes to spare.
I'm a bit over the place tonight, I apologise for my ramblings. Just emotionally exhausted, mostly positively, and slightly anxiously.
Paralympics was incredible. We watched the athletics, (well, I did, DD watched my phone, she loved the swimming the other day though) and I cried through most of it. I was so tired and felt it through my bones and was away from the site of where the drama had taken place and saw these incredible athletes going against all the odds and doing so well, and it just broke me. Both with inspiration, sadness for what they had to go through before being champions, and pure overwhelm. The whole stadium erupted any time a French athlete was taking part in a race and I thought of you all, cheering me on with Mumsnet loyalty. I probably should have let myself sob and let it all out loudly, but I kept holding it in as much as I could because there were so many calm stoic French families around me and I didn't want to frighten their children, as the mad English woman, crying at the very top of the Stade du France. I did think of the woman howling at the fake Michael Angelo thread, and I thought 'a completely made up comical characeteur has come to life'. Please bare with me, I lost my last Grandparent at the beginning of the summer and I think with today being a day doing the last thing I wanted to do, it sort of represented the end of Summer for me and made it a bit real.
Anyway, I digressed.
We came out of the stadium and right there was a supermarket. But of course, we couldn't get in. There were festival gates between the roads and the surrounding roads, to make the spectators leave via a certain route and they were placed metres from the supermarket. It would have been very easy to sneak through the gates had they not been surrounded by armed French police 🤣 Then of course, we passed a Decathlon which was also on the other side of the gates. I was so close to being able to grab a suitcase, but also so far. The walk would have been horrendous for DD to walk to the end of the spectator route, back again and then back again to the train station. I decided to just let it go and figure it out once back at the campsite. We go to the station and DD needed a wee. I asked but there were no toilets. I told her to try and hold it until the next stop as it was only one stop and she insisted she couldn't. I always have a nappy in my bag for long journeys if there's an emergency situation but something in me just said "No, see how long she can go before resorting to that". We made it to gare du Nord and instead of going straight to the metro, we headed to the toilets and when we came out, DD pointed to a shop right next to the toilets with lovely bright clothes and jewellery and asked if we could go in and look. (She loves shops!) I usually would say no but because they had nothing for children in there and I knew she couldn't ask me for anything, I said yes. I asked if she was sure as it was just for grown ups and she was so excited and said yes. So we went in and she was looking at everything and I BARELY noticed a wall of suitcases and luggage, until she mentioned it off hand. DD for the win again!
Anyway, long story not being able to made short, but making it less long....I paid 80 euro for the only large suitcase they had. It was left on the floor in the aisle for some reason in front of the display, right in the way...probably so I couldn't miss it 🤣. Then we went for a wander at gare de l'est as I felt so relaxed by that point and of course we passed two luggage shops, the market tourist type shops you get with souvenirs etc, for much cheaper than I'd paid. But I was just happy at that point to be okay. DD saw a mini suitcase (with a panda on, yes! to PP) and I assumed it would be as cheap as their other suitcases and we had both got excited at the thought of having a suitcase each, and then it was 45 euros, (more than their big suitcases!) and I didnt have the heart to break her excitement, after such a lovely day, so I got it for her, as figured we will use it again. It's all gone on the credit card and I'll just pay it off slowly. Hopefully can transfer to a balance transfer interest free card.
Anyway, after a lovely, overwhelming, tiring, but inspiring day, I've realised my keys are at my ex friend's house. I left them there so I wouldn't lose them on the holiday as she has adult children at home all week. I've text her as kindly as possible and asked if she can leave them with my neighbour when she gets back as she will be back before me. Even if we get the same ferry she will be back before me as it takes a bit longer to disembark as a foot passenger and get to the port entrance on the shuttle bus. But she hasn't replied :/ I had locked my door with a spare key and posted it through my door. It just made so much sense when we were friends and I thought she was someone I trusted.
The other thing is DD is coughing and feeling poorly tonight. There's no way we can do Disney if she's still like this tomorrow and to be honest I'd like to spend the day doing laundry, cleaning the caravan as needs to be clean for check out and spending some time talking to the staff, as we've got on really well and I shall miss them.
I haven't booked the travel yet and wanted to make sure I had a suitcase before I chose a time to travel, so that's kinda lucky right now. I was contemplating staying an extra two nights for 80 euros so DD can get over her cold and maybe we could slot Disney in that way when she feels better, but I dont know what to do really as it's all extra expense. I've said to her maybe we can come back in the future and do Disney but she's got her heart set on it and has said that everyone here at the campsite has been to Disney except her.
Anyway, if you're still here, thank you so much.