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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me process things and get home from France.

940 replies

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 04/09/2024 21:49

I've come away with a friend and our children and she's been struggling since before we got here.

Tonight my daughter got really tired and had a screaming meltdown after my friend's daughter hurt herself and my daughter saw the blood and couldnt cope and it sent her into an epic meltdown. My friend has got it into her head that my daughter was being out of order for screaming when her daughter had hurt herself and couldn't understand that my daughter literally just can't cope with things like that due to her autism. She kept coming over trying to tell my daughter off for screaming and saying to me it was out of order (my DD is 5) and I said just leave it she's having a meltdown. I kept repeating that she's having a meltdown and there's nothing anyone can do to calm her until she's calm, so she's gone back to the room and text me that she can't be here and she's booked something else and leaving in the morning.

Which is fine. İf she doesn't want to be around us, I can't fault her for that. Only I booked and paid for the accomodation and she was paying for the transport. She drove us here and I don't drive. I don't even have a suitcase for my stuff as I just threw it in a supermarket bag for life and a large shoulder bag and put it in the car for convenience, as well as a couple of blankets and a pillow. I'll have to try and ask the staff if they can help me sort out a suitcase. We are in the countryside on a Eurocamp and there's a train station but I doubt it would take us anywhere nearby easy to get to with a suitcase shop and my daughter doesn't walk far due to her autism.

There hasn't been any issues with my daughter. She's well behaved. She has her moments like all kids with not listening sometimes and asking for sweets constantly, but no different from her friend. There's been no drama, everything has been fine all holiday between us all. She hasn't had a meltdown for weeks because it's been summer holidays and life has been much calmer. My friend hasn't been sleeping though and struggling with her daughter between the two of them, some kind of discomnectand it seems like she's just taken this as her personal last straw and wants to be alone. Which is fine. İf she can't cope with other people right now that's not something I'd hold against anyone. They didn't have to be around us for the meltdown, we were outdoors in a public area with loads of different things to do, and I've done my own thing all afternoon as we wanted to do different things, so there hasn't been any animosity building up. İn fact, me and my dd had only been back for about ten minutes at the campsite from our day out when this all erupted. My daughter has meltdowns, that's just autism unfortunately, but no one was forced to be around us, we weren't at the room when it happened and it's the only one in weeks and weeks. I've warned my friend loads of times about the autism. We all went on a group holiday before and shared a glamping pod and everything was fine, so I don't know where this has come from.

Anyway sorry for the long post, just trying to process it all. Through the accomodation booking I booked a heavily discounted ferry crossing. Would I be out of order to cancel it and book myself and DD discounted foot passenger tickets. İt's the cheapest way for me to get home. I've already paid the accomodation and my friend was meant to be paying the travel. I can only get the discount once so I'd have to cancel the ferry we were booked on, in order to use the discount for myself. I'm already going to have to pay for really expensive last minute trains all the way here in France and UK and a taxi from the station and it's going to be a much harder and longer journey and there's less ferries per day which take foot passengers.

The other thing is, is that my friend was really keen for us to do Disney on this holiday for a day. I went along with it to be a good friend, even though it's a big extra expense on what was supposed to be a cheap holiday, and she wanted to tell the children before we had booked it. Anyway I was only able to go as she gets DLA for her child so booked queue jump for us via her DLA. I can't take my DD now as she can't cope with queues and her DLA hasn't been processed yet. My friend did a big surprise thing with getting them to scratch scratch cards to see where they're going even after I said let's tell them when we are on the way, because I didn't want to make promises which might not be kept, knowing how tired everyone gets on holiday. Now I have to tell my dd that her friend is leaving early and we can't go to Disney now either.

Sorry for the long post I just don't want people to jump in and say maybe your dd is being worse than you think, and i wanted to properly explain the autism and how much I've been on my dd's emotions to make sure there hasn't been any outbursts.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
babyhighlandcow · 06/09/2024 15:32

Greyrockin · 06/09/2024 15:29

Well you can't can you? go away with your passive aggressive snideness.

Why so aggressive yourself? Weird. I’d like to hear the other side too. Even if I can’t obviously.

whynotwhatknot · 06/09/2024 15:36

sorry might have misread about the tikets if you booked four two should still be valid

you do have to be altogeter to use access pass though

LIZS · 06/09/2024 15:51

Is there a y chance your new friends would take a bag of bedding and towels back to Uk for you? Or you tape a bag for life to the suitcase handles?

roundthepound · 06/09/2024 16:54

Vikina · 06/09/2024 14:39

I'd like to hear both sides of the story.... anyway I hope you and your daughter get home safely.

Thanks for sharing that.

Anything else you want? World peace, longer legs, chips for tea?

Talkingfrog · 06/09/2024 17:32

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 14:41

İ've decided to go on Sunday, if DD is still wanting to go. Thank you for your kind words!

@whynotwhatknot thank you! I think because I already have the tickets I just show them at guest services. They just don't have a specific date on them. İf my ex friend has used the tickets then I'll buy some online from my phone at the gate :) I don't have the access pass. I didn't have time to order one as I only booked the holiday a few weeks ago after a friend said they went to the Olympics with their five year old and that it was manageable.

I think you have done very well with all of this. I don't think i would have been able to hold it together so well.

Can I ask you to double check with the person that gave you the tickets if you need to do anything to register your park date in advance. Alternatively contact DLP on messenger to check (if they can reply at this point).

I only say that because you normally need a reservation if the ticket is undated, but I don't know if this applies to the type of ticket you have. Tickets are only available on the gate in limited circumstances such as disabled and one carer. ,so you would need to book on the day tickets on your phone. I have checked and they are showing availability for Sunday, but that could change by Sunday morning, and on the day tickets would be more expensive than ones bought in advance.

Assuming you are ok to get in, do you have the dlp app. if not search the app/play store for disneyland paris. The one you need is pinky purple, with a white minnie head and a castle. On there you can see ride times, character meets, parade/show times etc.

Fantasyland may be a good place to start with a 5 year old. Million splashes of colour and the all stars parade are good ways to see characters at a distance. Some characters have long wait times, but others not as much. If your daughter is happy to see them from a distance, instead of actually have a meet with them then you can see quite a few. The meets that have a long wait are mickey and the princesses.

Catandsquirrel · 06/09/2024 17:40

Vikina · 06/09/2024 14:39

I'd like to hear both sides of the story.... anyway I hope you and your daughter get home safely.

Ah come on. Like what? It would have to be a hell of an other side to justify leaving a friend and small child stranded abroad with bulky luggage (or at least thinking they were stranded and not confirming either way).

Doingtheboxerbeat · 06/09/2024 18:02

Vikina · 06/09/2024 14:39

I'd like to hear both sides of the story.... anyway I hope you and your daughter get home safely.

I don't wish to pile on but just reading the OP's responses to some of the suggestions gives me the impression that she seems quite placid and reasonable.
Being on the fence seems in this instance is unhelpful.

Thisoldheartofmine · 06/09/2024 18:34

@LardoBurrows oh good idea about trolley.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 18:34

Doingtheboxerbeat · 06/09/2024 18:02

I don't wish to pile on but just reading the OP's responses to some of the suggestions gives me the impression that she seems quite placid and reasonable.
Being on the fence seems in this instance is unhelpful.

Ahhhh thank you. The comments on here are amazing and have really helped me think clearly and stay emotionally okay.

OP posts:
Clearinguptheclutter · 06/09/2024 19:18

whynotwhatknot · 05/09/2024 12:17

i dont know what sort of tiket you giave her for disney bu you cant buy anthing on the gate anymore just bear that in mind before making your way

Yeah we went earlier this year and it was surprisingly difficult to just buy a ticket to go in. Doable (on a phone) but not that easy. I think most people are on some kind of accomodation package.

Cural · 06/09/2024 19:19

I don't care what you did or didn't do OP, leaving you with no transport and a small child is disgraceful. You're coping better than I would. Impressive!

Londonrach1 · 06/09/2024 20:32

Hope goes ok on Sunday...did ex friend contact you...

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 20:48

Londonrach1 · 06/09/2024 20:32

Hope goes ok on Sunday...did ex friend contact you...

No not a peep. One of the families we met yesterday though has offered to take the car seat back though! They're leaving in the morning so they've grabbed it just now. I feel such a relief. And DD has a new friend to meet up with for a play date as they're about forty minutes from us!

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 20:52

I'm feeling a bit emotional obviously. İt's hard to think about me getting it wrong, and I do feel some shame when people ask how we got here etc and I have to explain I did have a friend but my poor friendship choices led to this. But everyone has been really supportive about it. I guess it's just a bit embarrassing as everyone is families or groups of families who just have normal solid stable itineraries and I feel a bit like Annie the orphan. Even though I know I'm not. I've got a good routine at home and my life is stable. İt's just some kind of shame I need to get over in my head.

OP posts:
murasaki · 06/09/2024 20:56

You've made some friends, so that's a definite plus.

noctilucentcloud · 06/09/2024 20:58

Sometimes things happen OP, I mean maybe not exactly the same, but there'll be couples that fall out, injuries, cars breaking down etc. Don't feel bad, it reflects poorly on your 'friend' not you. I'm glad you don't have to lug the carseat back though. Apologies if someone's already suggested this - if you have travel insurance would that help you with any of the new costs in getting back??

MintyNew · 06/09/2024 20:58

Op I read this thread and just want to give you and dd a hug. I can't believe how cruel a person your friend is, she is a mother after all. How does her conscience allow her to leave a mother and child stranded in another country. And you have remained so level headed and strong even though you were probably stressed out. Your dd is lucky to have a mum like you! Please block this woman and never have anything to do with her again. Tell your dd that she is amazing and you are proud of her. Hopefully you make the best of the time there and get home safely.

MintyNew · 06/09/2024 20:59

And you have NO shame to feel. The only one who should feel any shame is the person who would leave a mother and child stranded. Disgusting woman.

armadillio · 06/09/2024 21:05

The fact you’ve made a friend already who is willing to take your car seat back to the UK for you and also see you for play dates just shows you and dd are nice people and people like you.

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 21:06

noctilucentcloud · 06/09/2024 20:58

Sometimes things happen OP, I mean maybe not exactly the same, but there'll be couples that fall out, injuries, cars breaking down etc. Don't feel bad, it reflects poorly on your 'friend' not you. I'm glad you don't have to lug the carseat back though. Apologies if someone's already suggested this - if you have travel insurance would that help you with any of the new costs in getting back??

I do have travel insurance, but I'm not sure how I'd prove that I'd been left without a ferry crossing and a car journey home? Maybe it could be something I could look at when I get back if I keep my travel purchases. And thank you for what you said, that's really helpful..

OP posts:
Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 21:09

İ'm reading all the comments, even though I don't have it in me to reply to each one individually, and just wanted to say I'm taking it all in, and it's so lovely of you all, thank you.

OP posts:
BagelandEggs · 06/09/2024 21:13

I really hope people at home are reading this so they will know what she's done if she tries to spin in a different way that makes her the victim in this story! You are doing really well in this horrible, challenging situation!

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 21:16

'At Disneyland Paris Resort in France, present this printed eTicket at the Guest Relations window; you will be provided with a ticket for entry with Park Hopper privileges. Reservations are secured on the day of visit.'

This is what the free tickets say on them. I've looked everywhere online but can't find a way to make any reservation in advance with a free ticket.

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 06/09/2024 21:19

Notsurehowtoprocessthis · 06/09/2024 20:48

No not a peep. One of the families we met yesterday though has offered to take the car seat back though! They're leaving in the morning so they've grabbed it just now. I feel such a relief. And DD has a new friend to meet up with for a play date as they're about forty minutes from us!

That's good. Shows you how bad ex friend was. Enjoy the rest of your holiday and new friends and hopefully a good travel back however you get back .

DefyingGravitas · 06/09/2024 21:24

On the shame thing.. I do think lots of people have a ‘friend I fell out with unexpectedly’ situation at some point so will understand. The older we get the more chance there is that you have a scenario like that in your past! People can be really strange and the ones that fall out with people tend to be serial offenders!

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