To have booked the flights?

[Promptly2024]

Background: my DDad has an apartment in Spain and we have discussed going out there in July 25. We went this year around the same time for 10 days so naturally when you're away somewhere lovely and having a lovely time you want to rebook again. So whilst there we compare mine and DH shifts (his annual leave is already set for the year by his company unfortunately) so they only time we could go, for two weeks, would mean missing the last two days of school for my eldest DD.

Now I don't USUALLY advocate taking kids out of school but as it was for a family holiday and literally the last two days of term we thought it would be okay. I asked DD if she would mind missing the last two days of school as that would be her last days in juniors before going to seniors. Context: DD "hates" school and gets anxiety going so she naturally, at the time, said yes.

A few days ago I noticed easyJet were having a sale released flights today, so I reapproached the subject with DH and DD. DH still wants to go for 2 weeks , DD has changed her mind and is mortified that she will miss the last two days of juniors. Which me and DH understood, however DH still wants to go for two weeks.

I offered several options

1. Go for 2 weeks and DD misses school

1. DH goes out early and I stay back with DD and come out a bit later with her

1. I go out early and he comes out a bit later with DD

1. Book for a shorter break, 8 days after DD finished school

He wasn't really happy with any of it and there wasn't a conclusion to our discussions yesterday.

Fast forward to this morning, he's in bed after a night shift when EasyJet sale released, I noticed the flights we wanted were in the sale (and price creeping up as the minutes go by) so I took the decision to book the shorter holiday so all of us go out after DD finished school, meaning 8 days holiday.. these were the more expensive flights going out as they were IN the school holidays, and the earlier flights were much cheaper. I thought to myself well if we end up wanting to go out earlier (DD changes her mind) then I can change the flights to the earlier flights and the likely cost of the admin charges for changes will be negligible as the flights would be cheaper if we went earlier

Since booking that this morning the flight costs have gone up and up... So I was pleased with my decision.

However on texting DH while I'm at work to let him know what I did, he's now being rude and saying he's basically not going all that way just for 8 days and why have I overcomplicated it and why did I ask her again when she originally agreed and saying that it takes two days to destress after travelling with DD and my DDad (he is a bit of a PITA 🤣)

But I'm really upset by his attitude

AIBu to have done this?

I think you’ll find that it’s going to cost you an awful lot more than an admin fee. The costs of all the flights will be steadily increasing, so what might have looked like a good deal at the time may well be prohibitively expensive in a couple of months.

The last days often have award assembly and disco so you’d be unreasonable to take DD out,
I wouldn’t ask her several times I would just assume that she might change her mind and she’d need to be at school and then would go from there.
Your OP was confusing as there is big difference between 8 and 14 days by the way.
However nice the cheaper flights it was wrong to book alone, I would be very upset if my DH did this.
So yes, you were wrong and I would say sorry to DH and that you understood his frustration. He should have been politely upset though but I would put this on the second place.

It's complicated and I know it doesn't make sense but trust me its right.

If you’re a SAHM or have more flexibility with holidays from work, is it possible to change the flights -

Your DH and other kids fly out on original date
Yourself and your DD fly out when school finishes
Your DH’s return flight stays the same
Yourself and all your kids change return flight to whatever date gives you and your DD a two week holiday.

or suggest to your DH he stays at home altogether as you’d all have a better time without him.

I have offered all of these alternatives
But none of them were good enough for him
So really there was no conclusion drawn and you could say I "panic bought" the flights and that would be correct. But I done it with good intentions

I mentioned your dilemma to my DH just now and he said that you were absolutely right to do what you did . No one wanted to take the decision so you used the opportunity and had a back up plan in place (changing flights for admin fee).
He said he would be a bit sad to have 8 days instead of 14 but it wouldn’t warrant a quarrel in his book (and it’s true whereas in mine the quarrel would make the perfect sense 😂).
However he also thought that taking child out of school in this situation would be wrong,
So you see it’s such a divisive situation. Hope you’ll resolve it soon.

I feel the same. And nothing, but NOTHING, warrants an adult sulking and giving their spouse the "silent treatment". His whole attitude to this is way off. I can't imagine I or my DH getting our knickers in a twist over a holiday. There will be other holidays! It's rubbish when your employer dictates your annual leave - my mum's partner couldn't come to our wedding for that reason - but it's just one of those things you have to suck up (or get another job elsewhere).

But being an arse about it, that's just really poor behaviour. Urgh.

I would have booked DH to go out earlier with your dad and then you and DD join him later on. But all return back together.

Can you change his and your dads flights?

To be honest, they don't really do much in the last 2 days of school. I would have booked and had 2 weeks off in the sun.

I offered him this option

And he refused 🙄

I wouldn't go abroad just for 8 days either. YABU

It's not 2 days though! OP has reduced it by 6 days!

Really? I've only ever gone abroad for a week when I could afford it

We can only "afford" a longer Holiday as it's my dad's place

Lots of people go abroad for long weekends. It still feels worth the faff of the flights, honestly.

OP is Not U, her DH is BVU.

"I don't usually advocate children taking time off school", unless they are mine it seems.

Why? Genuinely, why ever not?

He's a selfish idiot then! This is the most sensible option.

He gets his 2 weeks away, and your DD doesn't miss school.

Yes I appreciate it sounds hypocritical

It's just it would be the only holiday we would have in the year

I wouldn't do it for a week,not to say I would judge those who do

This was just for two days at end of term

Which any other school year would be acceptable to most I recon

But as it's last days of juniors it's a bit more 😬😬😬

I think your only slight issue is that you’ve made an executive decision without any agreement on your only holiday. Should have really been a joint one.
For future trips there really isn’t any such thing as a ‘sale’ on flights. I book 5 or 6 trips a year and flights change daily (sometimes 2 or 3 times a day) over a period of time. If they increased it could be as simple as ‘because you booked yours so they had more bookings’ and this drove up the price.

I would just offer to hubby to change it and leave him to decide…

@BoredAuditor Well personally I'm disabled so travelling is absolutely exhausting and a lot of work. Though I doubt I think any differently if I wasn't disabled.
Also don't forget, not everyone lives down the road from an airport and those who do, it may not be one that flies direct to these places. For some people, the flight itself is the shortest part of the entire journey!

I will caveat and say that I've never been to Spain or any of these sun & booze places. I've only ever travelled across to the US and Canada. Now they were exhausting journeys from start to finish as I live nowhere near an airport that flies across the Atlantic! Countless changes involved every single time.

It's only Spain, the travel isn't exactly going to have a major impact on the holiday. We did Mauritius for 9 nights and had a fabulous time, despite the longer journey. Just make the most of it now and enjoy what you've got booked.

If you're disabled that puts a completely different slant on it. I can appreciate that the days spent there need to be long enough for you to make the journey.

So doesn’t that get you back to what you would booked if you daughter agreed to finish school early? Which is what your husband wants but was NEVER a 2 week holiday in Spain?

logistics and travel durations come into it. I can’t be assed going abroad for a week but that’s because it’s c 5hrs door to plane door. If I lived next Stansted I would easily consider a weekend.

my daughters primary made a big thing of last day- they signed each others shirts, water fights etc. A bit of right of passage. I am team DD! You can holiday any time any year.

He still gets 2 weeks holiday? He can plan something nice in the 2 days he gets off with your youngest and do some household tasks over the weekend. Holiday shopping /washing etc.

Or is his holiday "no work at all" whilst you carry on as normal just in a different villa/country?

I know it’s been said but I’d be looking at other airports that can get you there quicker after DD finished school - someone or something has to compromise so you do what’s best for the whole family.

flexibility needed in this kind of situation to find best solutions that work for the majority and the minority will age to suck it up

good luck!