I’m never getting a pet again!

[Whynotmakeittwo]

I have a 13 year old dog and now that she is old I worry about her all the time, she has cataracts now and is blind and her black fur is almost completely grey.

I am dreading the day that we lose her and know that it’s going to be extremely painful for us. Last night, we had to take her to the emergency vets and I thought that was it. Luckily she is fine now! But the emotions that I felt last night, I don’t want to go through again. I feel like having pets is so much pain. Of course they bring you joy too, and there’s more happy times than sad, but I don’t think I could put myself through this again. She had a lump on her paw a few years ago and again, I was worried sick. I know we probably don’t have long left with her and it makes me so sad, I don’t know how we will cope without her (obviously we will, and that sounds dramatic, but if you have a dog you know what I mean). Lots of people get dogs straight after they lose one because they can’t handle not having a dog in the house and feel it’s too empty etc. but I honestly don’t know if I could cope with the worry and sadness again and the hole that they eventually leave.

YANBU
My dog is ancient. She is a greyhound, and is 14, which is a fab age for one. I have had her since a puppy, and she was 1 of 7. I am still in touch with her sibling's owners, and there are now 3 left. One crossed the bridge earlier this week.
I know she probably wont last beyond this year, and I am going through an anticipatory grief process. Sometimes, when she is in another room, I look at her empty bed and try and imagine her gone. Or when she is in a deep sleep and dripping off the side of her bed, I imagine she is already dead. When I get home, and she does not come to greet me (is a bit deaf so not noticed I am home), I think about when she wont be greeting me because she will have left me. It is awful, and I know I am going to really struggle when that day comes. She has been a blessing for my mental health (I have several conditions).
She is my daemon (like in His Dark Materials), I genuinely think I will die along with her when she goes. I don't want her to be alone in whatever is after death.

I am welling up typing this. She has just walked past to do another night patrol of the garden. I wish I could be more like her and not know about death and the grief it brings.

But saying that.... I would always want a dog. I have known people get one on the way home from the vets after losing one. My own mum waited years between dogs. It depends on the person.

@Whynotmakeittwo I’m going through exactly this right now. My beautiful boy is my world. He’s 13 old and grey as you describe. He has taken a sudden turn for the worse in the last 3 weeks and we have been back and forth to the vets. His back legs collapsed and he fell down the bottom few stairs all of a sudden. Thats when we realised something wasn’t right. He can’t get up on his own anymore without help. He’s not eating much and is losing weight. I’m crying myself to sleep already knowing we don’t have long and I can’t even begin to imagine my life without him. I know I have a decision to make soon and don’t know how I’m going to get through it. I’m currently sleeping on a blow up bed downstairs to be near him. I’ve given up my outdoor activities so can spend every minute with him. I can’t bare the thought of not having a dog in the house but he cannot be replaced. I feel as if I’m in a really dark place right now and I know that sounds dramatic to people who have never had this bond with a dog.

I totally get everything you’re saying OP. I can’t imagine getting another dog after this but I can’t imagine living without one. Sending you a handhold.

Lovely idea re the bowls. 2 weeks tomorrow since we had our pug put to sleep. I've not stopped crying since. Night time is worst. She used to cuddle up to me 😭 😭 😭

It's Def the worst part about having a pet but I would still rather have those years with them then not so I think I would always want another dog or cat.

My dogs are now 12, 15 and 16 yrs old. Hearing and eyesight going, dodgy joints and one of them has dementia.....
I'm really not looking forward to the few years but at least I have them now.

When I lost my first dog it took 2 years before I could think about having another dog.

DH has had dogs since he was 15 and said when his dog went he wanted to be dog free for a while and not have the responsibility and tie of a dog. When his last dog died he lasted about a month before he started checking out rescue centres.

We have now agreed we can't live without a doggy companion but as we are both in our 60s our plan is to rescue older dogs and hopefully make their last years happy and comfortable.

💛

it is really hard - but I think you have to consider that against the joy, love and fun that you have had with your dog over the years.

So sorry to read this. I’ve been through the same sort of situation. My advice, having had two dogs PTS is have the vet come to the house to do the deed, so your boy can end his life in the comfort of his own home without the stress associated with ‘going to the vet’. It’s easier and more peaceful for all concerned. You can sit with him lying in your arms. Also, a big one - insist on a sedative before the lethal injection. Vets often don’t want to do that as it can apparently make judging the correct dose of the other injection more difficult, but they will if you insist. Like another poster, the first girl I had PTS didn’t go without pain. She cried out after the injection and that was really distressing. After all, we arrange that so they can have a peaceful death. I did a lot of research before making arrangements for my girl who went in 2014. The Vet and an assistant came to the house, gave her a sedative, then went out to sit in their car whilst she went to sleep in my arms. When they returned, the lethal injection was administered and she went quickly and completely peacefully. It broke my heart, but it was a comfort to know that I had ensured that she had a good death.

Just wanted to send a virtual hug. I resonate with this so much.

My girl is 10 and since I held her in my arms I dread the day she leaves me.

She has been with me in my best times and my worst.

When she has a ‘sleepover’ at my mums once in a while I miss her terribly. There’s just something about them when you find your soul dog that really does make your heart burst.
I remember dropping a piece of food on the floor whilst cooking when she wasn’t in the house (partner took her on big walk) and I didn’t hear any little foot taps coming my way to eat the tiny piece of chicken off the floor and I remember thinking… one day I won’t hear her little footsteps running around the house.

But how lucky are we we get to experience this, and how lucky are they to have experienced a loving, warm home, which so many out there are desperate for (another story that breaks my heart, can’t think about the ones being neglected or in kennels, or I would spiral)

xx

Please open your heart to a rescue animal. Maybe an older one.
My 18yr old cat died in June. I adopted a 12 yr old cat who had been stuck at the rescue two months.
Literally gives meaning to my life.

I can't say anything except I am so sorry about how you're feeling. It's awful losing a beloved pet.

I recently lost one of mine and it’s left us all heartbroken. One of my other dogs and cat have taken it awful as well, I’ve never seen them look so sad. Although we still have dogs and a cat, the house is so quiet without our crazy one 😭 None of us have moved her bowls, her toys and treats remain in place and not even our other dogs play with them. Even the neighbours kids have been upset that their play pal has gone 💔

It’s one of the worst pains I have ever experienced and I have experienced a lot of grief in my time. This just hit completely different and honestly it’s made me now dread the day my others go.

Pets give you SO much. When their end inevitably comes, I deal with the engulfing sadness is by taking in another little soul either from a rescue, pet shop or breeder as soon as possible. They are in their forever home safe from any hardship and we have a bundle of joy to look after.
There is no point in looking backwards and for the animal it’s one less night in a kennel.

The only real advice I can give you is, do not make this decision now. And do not make it in the first weeks/months that she is gone. Wait. Keep your options open. Let your heart guide you once the first, crushing grief is over.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience as painful as it is. A peaceful passing is paramount for all our beloved pets. My boy has been the most sweet loving dog and a loyal companion. I’m crying as I read the comments here and have just realised it has upset him and he has tried to shuffle over to me to comfort me. I’ve had to pull myself together quickly and reassure him I’m fine (which of course I’m not). I owe it to him to ensure he feels no pain or suffering in his final moments. I will discuss all of your advice with my vet at our next appointment. Thank you.

These posts are touching my heart ❤ I lie awake at night worrying about our older dog, it truly is heart-breaking to watch her decline. Trying to approach it day by day making sure each day is the best for her, but it makes me feel physically sick when I think of what is to come. She was a rescue, so we didn't get her until she was 5 - and sometimes I just feel cheated out of those 5 years (silly I know). We have two other dogs - we took in an amazing 3 year old rescue a few months ago - and I hope that will help. She is very taken with him and it has perked her up. Getting him now means it doesn't feel like 'replacing'. You can never replace a dog though, even if you get one after they have passed - they are all unique with their own personalities.
The hole she will leave in our lives will be devastating. Their lives are too short. But I couldn't bear to be without and I know we can give them the best life for the stupidly short time they are here.
Thank you for making me feel not so alone in this. We struggle to even talk about it as a family as it is so upsetting. But if it comes to being PTS (my childhood dog died of old age, just laid down and passed) we will step up and be there with her (which feels unbearable but it is about what is best for her not us).

I'm snuggled up to her now trying not to cry!!!

This is really helpful to know. Thank you.

Wow this is heart-breaking. Sending all the love to the dog-lovers on here. People who don't get it are missing out on so much though. The depth of grief and loss is reflective of the depth of love and joy.

Can't read anymore posts - but as I say, sending love.

My old girl tonight, on my bed. Has claimed her place there for the past 13 and a bit years
I can't even think about when she wont be there.

for those that get it.

I have said 'no more dogs' so many times. My 5th Sheltie has just gone 12 and the thought of losing her is dreadful. I definitely will not have another dog, but I have said that four times and my husband does not believe a word if it.

They become such a huge part of our lives and it is just awful to lose them, but gradually you seem to only remember the good times.

We got a rescue dog and my God, he was hard work! He jumped up (he's a big dog), pulled when walking and had both separation and resource anxiety. However, he is now the most gentle, lovely boy who is approaching the end of his life and we are dreading losing him.

We will get another dog - for a start, we can offer a rescue dog a good home but also because we love having a dog around - and I'm sure it will be hard work to start with all over again!

(We also have two cats so they have to approve of the dog as well.)

Pleased your girl is OK @Whynotmakeittwo

We said we'd never get another dog after our first one died but about 4 years later (we'd just had a baby when we lost her) we found our next angel.

Each experience during my life of a cat or dog dying has been like having my heart ripped out of my chest and having it stuffed down my throat. My love for them lives on in memory and I grieved far more deeply for their lives ending than for the lives of my own parents.
But, I always want animals in my home for as long as I'm fit enough to care for them, so I will invite another dog onto my home and heart when my little fluffball breathes her last, but it wouldn't be a replacement, as each animal is a separate entity.

I had one dog, that was mine ever. A tiny yorkie. I got her when I was 11 or 12. My mum died when I was 15 and I went to live with relatives, taking my dog with me. The in-law wife had a big dog, dangerous breed, but that was not my dog. She would shout and scream at my tiny little girl until my perfectly house trained dog pissed and shit herself on the floor. Her dog bit my dog in the head and put out one of her eyes. My yorkie escaped and was found sleeping in the garden of a house down the street. My in-law just told them they could "keep it". It broke my heart. The in-law knew it would. That's why she did it. I've never had another pet since. Years later, that (insert insult here) had the nerve to cry to me, seeking sympathy and comfort when her dog got sick. Did she get one. Did she fuck. I just sat there and stone faced and locked eyes with a cold stare.

I used to feel like that OP and after losing our first pet, a cat, o couldn't think I'd having another.

Then we decided to get a dog and she brought so much joy into all our lives. After losing her, we decided to get another, and now we have a few. 😬 I love being around animals and decided that the pain was worth it for all the good times and the love and good home we could provide.

We lost our very young dog, she was only just one year old, to cancer a few years back and that was the most heartbreak I've ever felt. It was our other dogs (and other animals) that got us all through it. Although I'm heartbroken when each reaches the end of their life, knowing that I'm giving lots of animals a really good life is important to me. As I've got older I've found it easier to think like that.

I do know some people who feel like you though OP and that's ok. It's devastating to lose them and sometimes it's just too overwhelming to deal with again. I hope your dog has many happy times to come with you. 🐾

I have lost 3 animals in the last 6 months and it's hard (16, 14, and 14 years old). It is devastating but you must not be sad now. Dogs and cats are intine to your moods and feelings and she will be sad as well. Make whatever time you have with her happy and enjoyable the love she brings you. I said I would never have another dig after losing my childhood dog in my 20s but have had 3 and 7 cats in the last 50 years and all have brought me great joy. When my last pet goes (if I don't go first!!) then definitely no more as they would probably outlive me. My children grew up loving and losing family pets and it's been good for them to share their lives with them all and to understand and deal with loss when they died. Youdont replace a much loved pet but you can give another love and care in time and give then a good life lijd you do your current dig when/if you feel ready.