To beg for help with husbands snoring

[OrwellianTimes]

Honestly is there anything that helps? I’m so sleep deprived it’s utter torture and it’s affecting everything. I’m at breaking point. I can’t work, I’m snapping. I’m exhausted, and I have a lot of health problems to cope with already.

He’s been referred to sleep clinic - we’ve been waiting 2 years. He put a lot of weight on and that’s when it started, but he’s made no attempt to loose the weight/get fitter.

We now sleep in separate rooms for the same reason. He is trying to lose weight, as am I, and I do miss him in our bed, but the lack of sleep made me quite ill.

We tried, sprays, tapes, some with money back guarantee, which we got refunded.

The neighbours were we used to live asked us to keep our bedroom window closed in summer as he kept them awake too.

He also had surgery, nothing worked.

Try ringing the sleep clinic and let them know you are happy to take a short notice cancellation.

I feel for you

Have you tried wax ear plugs? Sofabed?

I feel the pain! I tried every manner of earplug over the years. Are you sure your DH is actually on a list to be seen by the sleep clinic? I finally got DH referred towards the end of covid, and 12mths on- still heard nothing. I had to re-do the GP referral, adding details of his epworth score, gasping, and the fact a referral had supposedly been made previously etc. Within weeks he was seen. I honestly think the GP hadn't actually made the referral at all!
If it really is a 2yr wait, could you afford to go private? DH had it via NHS, but they can send the machine to the house for testing- so no need to physically stay at a sleep clinic.
It took him a few weeks to get used to the machine, but he no longer sleeps in the day, actually feels rested and the machine is absolutely silent! He has also lost over 10kg now! I now need to wean myself off wearing earplugs!

Honestly sleeping separately is the answer! One of you in the living room if need be. Try it for a week to catch up on your sleep and then reassess.

You could look at noise cancelling headphones designed for sleep, plus white noise/brown/pink/sleep music. Poke him and tell him to turn over. But I'm team separate bedrooms if you possibly can.

(CPAP helps with the noise but it takes a bit of getting used to for both parties. It's often not an instant fix. Ditto losing weight would at best take months and is really bloody hard if you are chronically sleep deprived, which people with sleep apnoea people are. Weight loss tends to be more successful once CPAP is successfully established. But of course not all snorers have sleep apnoea)

Loop quiet earplugs are good and comfortable at night If separate rooms isn’t possible

if it’s caused by sleeping on his back try making him wear a bra back to front with tennis balls in the cups. He’ll not get comfortable on his back and keep on his side

Possibly Sleep apnea? My snoring was SO bad before getting my cpap machine

Honestly the only thing that stopped my DP snoring was losing weight. I no longer curse him why he sleeps.

Wax ear plugs don’t work if someone is lying next to you snoring. They do work if the snorer is in the next room.

I've just came downstairs to sleep on the couch! I have sleep headphones with brown noise playing but he was so loud tonight I couldn't stand it

Generally they are very good at blocking it out. I tried them alongside Loop
Quiet earplugs but that made notice the vibration more

DD moves to uni in two weeks so I'll Be decamping to her room

I'm sorry to hear this. I went through the same scenario, and unfortunately nothing really worked. I was sleep-deprived and became resentful. I ended up moving permanently to the spare room, which I've since made into a really luxurious bedroom. The best new mattress, Egyptian linen, fresh flowers, soft carpet. I really love going to bed now, whereas I used to dread it. Our intimacy is not what it was, but it had waned prior to the move. We've been together for thirty years now and we are very happy together.

CPAP machine 100%. Changed my sleeping for ever.

Was diagnosed with sleep apnea about 7 years ago. My snoring had always been bad but it got worse about 10 years ago (weight gain). At that time I was single so it didn't disturb anyone but then I met someone & decided to act. It got so bad that the neighbours called out the Council and did a noise reading. They told me it was as loud as a jet airplane.

At that time I was waking up 2 or 3 times a night to go for a wee (snoring does this). I was falling asleep at work (in meetings) and at home watching the TV. Even during the day.

The very first night I got a CPAP machine I sept solidly for 6 hours.....and have done so ever since. Once I'm asleep I dont wake up again until the morning. And I've never fallen asleep during the day since. And I cant snore because the CPAP makes you breath through your nose and as soon as you open your mouth you are breathing in oxygen. I didnt like wearing a mask so I have 2 plastic "plugs" attached to my nose. Not very sexy but it works.

Game changer.

Grab a giant pack of foam earbuds. Every time his snoring wakes you, stuff some up his nose.

Would sleeping slightly propped up be possible?

We don’t have a spare bedroom for him to go to. He will sleep on the sofa sometimes but it’s not very comfortable

I have tinnitus and ear plugs make it unbearably worse

Separate rooms

Is he able to see a sleep clinic privately?

Definitely chase the referral, possibly consider the study privately if you can. My husband was rejected from one trust despite having a father and brother who both had sleep apnea and CPAP machines. We moved and tried again, new trust were very quick. Did the sleep study and he was having 30 episodes a night (apparently quite high). Has been issued a CPAP and it's now about 0.1 a night. He was marked down low and rejected by the first trust because he wasn't falling asleep during the day.

We've found that salt is a trigger for attacks if this might help. We've stopped having takeaway pizza and he doesn't gasp now in the middle of the night.

@OrwellianTimes if you can't wear plugs in your ears could you wear a sleep band? I see one pop up on my Facebook all the time - it's a band you wear around your head and over your eyes and I think it's Bluetooth so you can play stuff like podcasts or white noise in it. Might be worth a try!

https://www.snoozeband.co.uk/?gadsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAABJBFina3d9N0CtFm9N6oMaF48Z2L&gclid=CjwKCAjwxNW2BhAkEiwA24Cm9IJwZ9PCvCueaWFIFRU0oIEUTs2dakV9IYLzbSXX38Nj8VJkRGjw4RoCKeIQAvDBwE

Also if you made him sleep on the uncomfortable sofa he might be more inclined to sort it out!!!!

Virtually everything here (Wales) is a 2 year waiting list minimum. I’ve been waiting 2 years to see rheumatology and I’m in so much pain everyday with no hint of a diagnosis. He has followed up with the GP several times, but apparently the clinic is in Bristol, 2 hours away.

Im not sure how much private would cost, but our funds are very limited at the moment.

He should continue to explore medical causes but for us, it was simply losing weight. DH had put on a lot of weight - he lost a lot of it and the snoring massively improved.

I’d be having a very stern conversation with him about the toll this is taking on you. It is 100% due to his weight gain, and while I understand losing weight is not easy, it’s incredibly selfish of him not to do something about it in order for you to not be in such a tortuous situation.

That looks great thank you!