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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To beg for help with husbands snoring

77 replies

OrwellianTimes · 02/09/2024 00:30

Honestly is there anything that helps? I’m so sleep deprived it’s utter torture and it’s affecting everything. I’m at breaking point. I can’t work, I’m snapping. I’m exhausted, and I have a lot of health problems to cope with already.

He’s been referred to sleep clinic - we’ve been waiting 2 years. He put a lot of weight on and that’s when it started, but he’s made no attempt to loose the weight/get fitter.

OP posts:
Greydays3 · 02/09/2024 12:47

OrwellianTimes · 02/09/2024 08:25

That looks great thank you!

These can be picked up for less than a tenner on Temu. My daughters friend had one when she came for a sleepover, she needs total blackout for sleep. She plays music on it at night.

JC03745 · 02/09/2024 12:55

OrwellianTimes · 02/09/2024 08:54

What machine does he use?

This is CPAP the respiratory clinic gave him (free). He has one which he adds distilled water too, so its humidified, because his mouth used to get very dry when he snored. His mask goes over his mouth and nose, but some people just have it covering their nose. You can't just buy them though, you need a Dr to essentially prescribe it and work out the settings. They also send him new tubing and mask every 6mths, new filters etc.

www.cpap.co.uk/product/resmed-airsense-10-elite-cpap-machine/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwxNW2BhAkEiwA24Cm9N7nED_SNA2mDMuGJ6ghV1MxEFdJuAloD7T0jw2t_vJ2tbQQpbTw_hoCFIQQAvD_BwE

BettyBardMacDonald · 02/09/2024 12:58

If a new sofa bed is unaffordable, how about an inflatable air bed?

He should get a second job to pay for private consult if necessary. The toll on you is dire.

Biggaybear · 02/09/2024 13:02

JC03745 · 02/09/2024 12:55

This is CPAP the respiratory clinic gave him (free). He has one which he adds distilled water too, so its humidified, because his mouth used to get very dry when he snored. His mask goes over his mouth and nose, but some people just have it covering their nose. You can't just buy them though, you need a Dr to essentially prescribe it and work out the settings. They also send him new tubing and mask every 6mths, new filters etc.

www.cpap.co.uk/product/resmed-airsense-10-elite-cpap-machine/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwxNW2BhAkEiwA24Cm9N7nED_SNA2mDMuGJ6ghV1MxEFdJuAloD7T0jw2t_vJ2tbQQpbTw_hoCFIQQAvD_BwE

This.

I have one as mentioned upthread.

Itstoday · 02/09/2024 13:04

CortieTat · 02/09/2024 09:00

This. Snoring is his problem and it has to be made into his problem.
Snoring in itself is very damaging to health, it increases risk of heart disease and high blood pressure.
My DH is in the 10% or so of population of slim snoring people. Every time he went off and woke me up I immediately woke him up as well. He couldn’t stand it and tried several different ways to sort his snoring till something worked.

@CortieTat My husband is also a slim snorer. Can I ask what worked for your husband?

StarCourt · 02/09/2024 13:05

Op it's your husband who needs to sort this not you.

Vermin · 02/09/2024 13:08

The 100% guaranteed solution for slim snorers is taping their mouth shut with micropore tape. I read an article about someone like davina McCall doing it for the health benefits (improves oxygenation) and realised that it would solve the snoring issue. It was a hard sell but now we both sleep way better

toomanyp · 02/09/2024 13:09

StarCourt · 02/09/2024 13:05

Op it's your husband who needs to sort this not you.

This👆He needs to sleep ina different room . Sofa bed , inflatable mattress !

Vermin · 02/09/2024 13:10

ah it was tess Daly not davina McCall! graziadaily.co.uk/beauty-hair/wellness/does-mouth-taping-work/

WitchyBits · 02/09/2024 13:11

My referral to a sleep clinic took 10 weeks and I had a cpap within 14 weeks in total. I'm in the north west. It's revolutionised my life. I haven't made a single noise while sleeping since the day I got it. Ring the Gp and actually see if a referral has been done. If not you can get a private at home sleep assessment for £250-300 and if he has sleep apnea, a machine for £1000-1400 ish. Is trait work it age if you can afford private, it can be sorted out within 2-3 weeks.

TheDefiant · 02/09/2024 13:17

My husband has a made to measure mouth guard that worked really well.

He's managing to snore around it now though.

He often wears nose strips.

Sometimes I ask him to inhale hot water with menthol and eucalyptus bath salts streaming himself like you would with a head cold. That works.

I also have an Alexa in the bedroom. I ask it to play ocean sounds for 45 minutes and that's often enough to help me sleep.

moppety · 02/09/2024 13:18

I use ear plugs and one of those sleep mask headphones that plays white noise over the top. Does mean you have no idea what's going on though, so he has to be on kid duty overnight as I can't hear them!

sleepybuthappy · 02/09/2024 13:19

My husband tried sprays, tapes and expensive pillows and nothing worked. We used to regularly sleep separately but a few years ago our kids got too old to share and we lost our spare bedroom. Around the same time he bought an anti snoring sleep wedge and honestly it has changed our lives. He almost never snores now, and it all feels like a distant (awful) memory. Before this one of us would always end up in the spare room, or at times we would be so tired we would start the night separately. I don't know if it will work for others as well as it did for my husband but I never see wedges mentioned in these threads so thought it was worth suggesting. I feel your pain, before this I assumed we would just aim to survive until the kids left home and then have separate rooms permanently.

Tanfastic · 02/09/2024 13:25

I snore and so does DH, if you believed him I'm worse apparently. I've tried a few things but mine is throat snoring so most don't work, I just think it's everything getting slacker due to my age and menopause.

What we've done is get a decent spare bed, nice feather duvet etc etc and midweek we each have a night or two in there so we get a decent kip. Weekends we suffer it 😂 works for us.

tealpassat · 02/09/2024 13:47

My DH sleeps on a sofa permanently in another room, 7 + years of asking him to do something about it and I've just cancelled a dream trip for a big birthday because there is zero point in going away with him as I simple won't sleep for 10 nights.

I think it may have finally hit home, how much it's trashing our marriage, he moans about his back aching and I say I couldn't care less, he can moan and whinge about the sofa situation or he can refer himself and sort it out, stop drinking, loose weight etc.

SallyWD · 02/09/2024 14:33

OrwellianTimes · 02/09/2024 08:12

We don’t have a spare bedroom for him to go to. He will sleep on the sofa sometimes but it’s not very comfortable

You need to invest in a good sofa bed then. This can't go on.

mynewusername2023 · 02/09/2024 14:59

Separate bedrooms but we also have different temperature issues and bed times. I also have the loop sleep earplugs for when we are away from home and they block out all the noise, so worth the £30 for them.

iloveshetlandponies · 02/09/2024 16:22

bluebellseeds · 02/09/2024 08:25

I’d be having a very stern conversation with him about the toll this is taking on you. It is 100% due to his weight gain, and while I understand losing weight is not easy, it’s incredibly selfish of him not to do something about it in order for you to not be in such a tortuous situation.

This in spades

CortieTat · 02/09/2024 16:34

Itstoday · 02/09/2024 13:04

@CortieTat My husband is also a slim snorer. Can I ask what worked for your husband?

Hi stopped drinking beer completely and cut down on alcohol in general, experimented with different pillows till he found one that worked: the soft ones make him snore, he now has an EVA/memory foam one that works (a simple ikea one). He has also sewn a bit of thicker fabric (it can be a tenis ball) into the back of a t-shirt so he doesn’t sleep on his back. He has also experimented with nose strips but I think what made the biggest difference was the pillow and stopping the beer! He would go off like a motor chainsaw even after a single small bottle of IPA.

Melodysmum12 · 02/09/2024 17:08

It’s pretty obvious it’s sleep apnoea so when you see someone they’ll do a sleep study and give CPAP. So all you can suggest in the meantime is that he loses weight and goes on a diet and exercises, make sure he’s sleeping on his side - wedge a pillow next to him so he can’t move. Get a blow up bed and sleep separately.
Also could try a mouth guard and snore strips to alleviate it somewhat.

Yes CPAP solves it but you need to get rid of the cause!

OrwellianTimes · 02/09/2024 20:33

Melodysmum12 · 02/09/2024 17:08

It’s pretty obvious it’s sleep apnoea so when you see someone they’ll do a sleep study and give CPAP. So all you can suggest in the meantime is that he loses weight and goes on a diet and exercises, make sure he’s sleeping on his side - wedge a pillow next to him so he can’t move. Get a blow up bed and sleep separately.
Also could try a mouth guard and snore strips to alleviate it somewhat.

Yes CPAP solves it but you need to get rid of the cause!

Yes I agree. He’s talked to the clinic today and the waiting list is 18 months from where he’s at at the moment. I got it wrong though it’s not in Bristol there is a local clinic - not sure where I got that from.

He’s looking up costs of private clinics. We can’t afford it, but he’s exhausted and it’s affecting his work and we really can’t afford for him to loose his job.

OP posts:
mrlistersgelfbride · 02/09/2024 21:05

I hear you. Snoring makes me want to kill people.

I've been on the sofa for 2 years.
I've made it really comfy. It's a corner one and I have pillows, sleep spray etc. The nights my partner is away and I'm in the bed, I don't sleep any better.

I know it seems extreme but can you get a new sofa or camp bed for the living room?
Sleeping separately is the only way to sanity for some couples.

SundayFundayz · 02/09/2024 21:10

I am the snorer in this household and actually posted on here ages ago about how angry my DH was getting.

i got one of these… it took a few weeks to get used to it but my god it’s amazing! I now even use it when I’m on my own as I sleep so much better with it in. I use this brand as they do a ladies version for a smaller mouth, sure you can find cheaper ones in the UK but I’m not changing now 🤣

www.vitalsleep.com/products/vitalsleep-snoring-mouthpiece

readingmakesmehappy · 02/09/2024 22:05

When my last DC was born I slept in their room to make BF easier and I have rarely gone back to share a bed with DH since as his snoring has got so bad. I sleep in the spare room on a different floor and I can still hear him. He needs to lose a lot of weight, and start researching some of the solutions other people have mentioned above, but he needs to do that for himself. He constantly says he's too busy to go to the doctor.

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