To beg for help with husbands snoring

[OrwellianTimes]

Honestly is there anything that helps? I’m so sleep deprived it’s utter torture and it’s affecting everything. I’m at breaking point. I can’t work, I’m snapping. I’m exhausted, and I have a lot of health problems to cope with already.

He’s been referred to sleep clinic - we’ve been waiting 2 years. He put a lot of weight on and that’s when it started, but he’s made no attempt to loose the weight/get fitter.

The truth is that even with surgery snoring isn't always corrected. The answer is to sleep separately.

I'd get a fold out bed or something for the living room.

I'm young, so's my husband and we can sleep in the same room but we rarely do, we just sleep wherever we fancy!

I read years ago to sew a sewing thread bobbin to the middle of the back of their top.
Then they’re forced to roll over.

i would get a small mattress/roll of foam and sleep on the floor with earplugs in on the side away from him. Could also get earphones and play rain or sea sounds on your phone in the hope you can’t hear him. This also means you’re cuddled up in your cosy little hideaway. Some of the problem ime is anger at their selfishness which is not conducive to sleep. Cuddled up away from them with book/light/eardefenders whatever feels more in control.

Thanks, cute idea, but I’m not sleeping on a thin mattress on the floor - I have a lot of joint & muscle pains and history of back problems, we spent a lot on a new mattress last year to ease my pains. I think a sofa-bed for him is the solution.

You’re right about the anger though - lieing in bed listening to him snore whilst I’m in pain and can’t sleep is rage inducing which just makes it harder to sleep

I second this. It’s the only way I can get any sleep with my husband’s snoring. I play white noise on it and it’s truly miraculous to wake up and realise you’ve not been disturbed all night.

Separate rooms. Ignore him if he moans.

You’re right - I need to really have a stern word. He’s battled with depression for the last few years (hence the weight gain) but the lack of sleep is making it all so much worse for him .

What machine does he use?

My dh has a mouth guard that works. I don't know where he got it but I can ask. It was made to fit his mouth.

This. Snoring is his problem and it has to be made into his problem.
Snoring in itself is very damaging to health, it increases risk of heart disease and high blood pressure.
My DH is in the 10% or so of population of slim snoring people. Every time he went off and woke me up I immediately woke him up as well. He couldn’t stand it and tried several different ways to sort his snoring till something worked.

Yes please x

Get the NHS to provide him with one of these https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Continuous_positive_airway_pressure.

He’ll get a proper night’s sleep and be able to start losing weight once he’s better rested.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09Q787QQS/ref=ppxyoodtbbsearchasinn_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Found it in our Amazon history!

I'm sure there are plenty of other ones but this is the same one my dh has.

Separate bedrooms is the way forward if you can do this

A sofa bed - order today! You can get a cheaper frame and spend as much as you can on a decent mattress.

Sleeping separately is the best thing ever!! (Been with DH 23 years - thought I had a sleep issue or ME until about 5 years ago when we slept separately because of my snoring and I have slept soundly since and barely snore - he disturbed my sleep so much)

Exercise might help with weight and depression and it sounds like losing weight would help with snoring. Also avoid alcohol because even one drink makes snoring and apnoea worse. CPAP can eliminate sleep apnoea and can also eliminate snoring but I don't think a doctor would prescribe one without sleep apnoea diagnosis. Some people grow to like them others abandon them because they aren't pleasant to use. But it's obvious that the healthiest solution here would be to lose weight. That involves your husband getting his act together which he doesn't want to do. Sleeping separately is an excellent solution and I'd recommend to all. It doesn't stop night time trips along the landing or morning hugs. I'd do whatever it takes to get a good night sleep - even converting another room into a bedroom.

He needs to be finding a solution as much as you. I'd be issuing an ultimatum to him. I went through this and it was crippling me. We did eventually find a way to sleep in separate rooms. He had nose surgery which helped massively, but it still took a long time to share a bed together as I had become so sensitive to the noise, every little snuffle was keeping me awake and the only thing that helped me were sleeping pills, which obviously weren't a permanent solution. We got a bigger bed so we are further apart, and I sleep with Loop earplugs in (took a couple of weeks for me to get used to them but it was worth the perseverance).

Now he's back snoring again when he's had beer. Only beer, no other alcoholic drink has the same effect. After finally going to sleep at 1am last night I've said to him this morning he needs to stop drinking beer because I can't go through the lack of sleep again. He said he knows. He's away for the week now so we'll see when he comes home.

People are being seen in Bristol much faster than 2 years. They did close the referrals recently for about 4 months due to waiting lists but its up and running again and people are being seen within a few months once they are referred.

That's not the main issue though. The issue is that your husband is making no attempt to fix his weight issues to help with OSA (if he does indeed have one). I would send him to the sofa and not worry too much whether he is comfortable there or not.

This . Make it his problem to sort out . Sofa or a camp bed . Why should you suffer because he can’t be arsed to lose weight?

I was snoring , DH had decamped to the spare room. I lost 2.5 stone and the snoring stopped. I would recommend that he tries mounjaro one of the injectable medications for obese people without diabetes.

But are they people from Wales or Bristol? I don’t understand the system, but I can tell you it’s not working.

Otherwise yes you’re right. Weight is the big issue and he’s not doing anything about it despite being very unhappy about it.

This was me, I am the snorer. I finally took responsibility for it when DH said very sadly that he was going to have to move out of our bedroom and I was so ashamed I had let myself go to that extent that it was wreaking havoc on his sleep and health.

I have now lost a stone since July by overhauling my diet, doing more exercise and using Mounjaro to assist me too (I also have high cholesterol so it's helping that as well) with a few more stone to go. Already my snoring has reduced massively, so that's giving me extra motivation to make these changes permanent. I got the Mounjaro prescribed through Voy which combines the jab with counselling, and I've found that to be incredibly helpful to find my "why" - it's not just how I look, or my own health, I need to stop affecting others' health through my snoring so these changes are forever now.

You can’t just ask for one! That’s the whole point of the referral to the sleep clinic! They do the monitoring and then if that shows sleep apnoea then they prescribe one. The OPs DH has already been referred!

@OrwellianTimes This is the UK charity for sleep apnoea. They do a private assessment for sleep apnoea that you GP could then forward on and the clinic move him up the waiting list. But it doesn’t stop the need for the full assessment like is there an ENT cause etc https://www.hope2sleep.co.uk/sleep-apnoea-home-screening-service.html
In the mean time get a blow up bed and tell him that he is the one sleeping on it as he won’t sort anything. That every other night he sleeps in the living room or he moves out. You stay in the bed.

I am completely unable to tolerate even the sound of someone’s breathing and snoring is unbearable. However it’s me with the snoring problem. Luckily we have spare room and DP can now sleep. We still get together for intimacy but can’t sleep in the same room. It’s much better for both our mental health and self esteem.

He has to lose some weight to rule that out. Presume he has tried nose strips.. back sleeping is an absolute no.

DH tried a mandibular device that helped sporadically.
I use silicone ear plugs and the sleep band that a pp mentioned. Definitely helps a fair bit.
We sleep in separate rooms and often as is possible- all the time at home.
He has just been given one of those cpap machines and it’s a complete game changer. His was a spare from his mum. You can get them but they’re expensive. Maybe not much more than a sofa bed though! NHS will give you one obviously but only if diagnosed with certain things and that could take ages.

I feel your pain OP! DH snores & sometimes it really gets to me. If we go to bed at the same time it’s ok but I often go later than him & then his snoring can keep me awake. It usually stops if he rolls onto his side.
I agree with bluebellseeds - I would really start to resent DH if he needed to lose weight but wasn’t doing anything about it. Luckily he’s very fit.