Am I controlling or is it my DH?

[Mill8909]

My DH often speaks of one women at work - they are equals. Plus, I usually walk on him at home when he’s been chatting to her for ages. It does sound work-related, but I sometimes overheard something more personal. He talked to her about being stressed - waking up at 3:30 am. I told him to cut it out, and he did to please me, but he’s unhappy. He said the women at work is a good colleague and a great source of support for him at work. He’s now avoiding her, and he’s moaning about being unhappy. I haven’t met her, but when I visited at work, I saw one attractive woman- he later confirmed that’s her. He’s not cheating - he never goes out, doesn’t travel for work, and comes home straight after work, but this closeness with her annoys me. She’s now moving over to his department-same seniority as him and he’s encouraging her to move…Am I being weird?

Would you be so worried if it was a male colleague? If not then then there’s no issue if you trust him

So yesterday, I overheard him saying to her, "I am calling at the end of the day to cheer myself up by talking to you. I hope you feel the same. Is this normal!?"

Hell no! Thats not normal at all in my opinion

Sorry, is this normal part by me was by me. As in disbelief.
Is it acceptable to call your married work colleague and say “I am calling you at the end of the day to cheer myself up. I hope you feel the same.”.

And to be clear, I do listen to him. But not every day, all day. It’s non-stop! He can’t change his job. He won’t make that amount of money anywhere else. We have two kids in a private school. He’s too emotionally attached to her.

There’s some major issues here.

One is that he is in a job he hates and can’t leave because you have 2 kids in private school.

There is way more to unpick than what he’s saying to her and you know it.

What do you mean? He’s the one that wants the kids in a private school

Hey op. That's a good point. Sounds like after 3 years they just know each other enough for general chat and moans like most colleagues. Just wondering where you are in your life, and maybe you are feeling a little low in the self esteem, especially if you are maybe busy with young children. Happens to a lot of us.

I personally think an emotional affair is when you are sharing personal problems with someone instead of your partner, or even complaining or breaking marital confidences. Otherwise it's just work friendship. The line can get blurry sometimes though I suppose.

If you don't want him talking to others, but you also don't want to listen when he needs to talk - regardless of whether it's all the time or not what do you want him to do?
You won't let him change jobs because you want your kids in private school.

I'm guessing you want him to have a mental breakdown or worse. There's a reason why family men are more likely to commit suicide than other sections of society.

Emotional affairs are a thing and your gut is clearly picking up on something here. Can’t wait until we get passed the stage of constantly calling other women insecure and paranoid, if we’re being completely honest how often has a woman’s gut instinct ever been wrong?

I am good friends with a couple of male colleagues and we often talk about our personal lives. There is absolutely nothing untoward going on and never would be. I find the whole ‘men can’t be friends with women’ thing to be a ridiculous notion pedalled by overly jealous people!

Don’t you just want your DH to be happy at work so he can be happier at home?

They are way to familiar

This is how my husband and I started, we would talk about shit work, our lives, our partners, children, being unhappy, we knew each other for 10 years as passing shifts.

We started working together on the same team, would chat for hours together, we started messaging outside work, phone calls, I relied on him and him me, our already unhappy marriages broke down, I left my husband and divorced.

We carried on chatting and he left his wife, we are now married.

But when you move your emotional connection from your husband/wife/partner to someone else then your in trouble.