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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Worried about the pace of DSs relationship - should spend some time apart?

108 replies

Carzoe · 31/08/2024 22:16

DS is 22, 23 next week, he has just finished uni and is now taking a gap year (well his 2nd gap year as he didn't get to travel much the first one thanks to Covid!). Over the summer he went to Europe backpacking alone, 5 days in he met a girl, travelled with her and her friends for a couple of weeks then they split off together and have been together non stop since. Turns out they went to the same uni and just never met and they seem really close.
They both graduate on Tuesday (no idea why they are so late this year) and have birthdays within the next two weeks so they have come home for 2 weeks. Originally after this DS was going to go to SE Asia (flights booked) but now he has decided he is going back to Europe with her and then they will head to SE Asia together in late October.
As they went to uni in London and both graduate on Tuesday we came to meet him in London today and we met her and her dad over dinner. She seems lovely, very attractive girl and smart too. I'm happy DS is happy however they met 9 weeks ago and haven't actually been apart in 7 weeks!
DS told me tonight that on Wednesday they will both come home with us to Hampshire stay until the Monday then head up to Cumbria where she is from for the last week as it is over her birthday and then leave from there for Italy.
I want to be okay with this but I actually think 2 weeks apart would be for the best, he hasn't been away from her in 7 weeks and is about to travel with her again.

AIBU to think this is way too much and they should each spend 2 weeks with there family after graduation then meet back up to travel if that is what they really want?

It seems so intense I'm worried it will end badly!

OP posts:
QuiteAnEpicFailure · 31/08/2024 22:18

Aww do you not remember that first love feeling when yoh can’t bear to be apart OP? Let them enjoy it! Yes it might end badly but that’s life, I’m sure you will be there to help pick up the pieces.

Barbarararara · 31/08/2024 22:20

Firstly he's an adult and secondly he's having a great time, I don't see the problem at all

Kellythekidd · 31/08/2024 22:20

The worst that could happen is that they break up?

they are young and in love if you say not to go he will not listen. Just have a chat with him to make sure they are both on the same page so no one gets hurt then send him on his way. Young love is a lovely thing

ArmchairOlympian · 31/08/2024 22:20

I think he’s nearly 23 and his mum should butt right out of his relationships

PoopedAndScooped · 31/08/2024 22:21

His 23 next week?

😂

JLou08 · 31/08/2024 22:21

Young love. Let them enjoy being happy. You have no choice in how he spends his time and there's nothing you can do to stop him spending all his time with his girlfriend. Trying to have any control over it is more likely to result in him being annoyed with you rather than him spending 2 weeks away from his girlfriend.

iamtheblcksheep · 31/08/2024 22:22

He’s 23 next week not 17. Let him make his own mistakes. It’s really none of your business. If you protest you’ll push him away

Gardendiary · 31/08/2024 22:23

He's an adult. You can have your opinion, but its not your decision.

Redshoeblueshoe · 31/08/2024 22:23

I thought you were going to say he was 16, he's not even a teenager.

tinydynamine · 31/08/2024 22:23

Well, I wish this was my son. Mine is 22, is a recovering alcoholic, suffers from schizophrenia, is home for the weekend from rehab, and spends all the time gaming in his room. Count your blessings!

Supernaturaldemons · 31/08/2024 22:23

@Carzoe he is 23! I’m baffled that you think you have any input in his relationship at that age.

If he were 15 you might have a point, but we were planning our wedding at 23, not being mithered to spend 2 weeks apart by our mums.

BIossomtoes · 31/08/2024 22:26

Time to cut the apron strings. His love life has nothing to do with you.

DogDogGoose · 31/08/2024 22:26

I think it’s fine, let him crack on and enjoy himself

SH23B · 31/08/2024 22:27

Mind your business.

ArmchairOlympian · 31/08/2024 22:28

This is so reflective of the infantilising on this site and society as a whole

LostittoBostik · 31/08/2024 22:28

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

But also: wouldn't you love to be back at this stage of a relationship? Let him have his fun and his youth, whatever happens next.

Jellycats4life · 31/08/2024 22:29

Why would two weeks apart be for the best? At best he’ll be moping around because he misses her.

I genuinely don’t understand your thinking at all. He’s an adult and she sounds like a lovely young woman. Let them be together.

TheClawDecides · 31/08/2024 22:29

My 22 year old is about 7 weeks in to his first serious relationship and they're hardly ever apart!

I think it's lovely, and as with all relationships, what will be will be.

thursdaymurderclub · 31/08/2024 22:29

when i read the title i thought you were going to say that your DS was 14 or 15.. but hes just short of 23!

mind your own business.. its his life, he is an adult, he can do as he pleases with whoever he pleases.

BirthdayRainbow · 31/08/2024 22:30

They are both adults. Leave them to it!

LostittoBostik · 31/08/2024 22:30

Ps: she also sounds like a perfect fit. Try to step back emotionally or you'll drive him well away.

AlwaysKindaKnewYoudBeTheDeathOfMe · 31/08/2024 22:30

He's old enough to live with her, or marry her! Would you be insisting he came home for a fortnight then as they'd always be together?!

Come on. They're adults. Just be bloody happy your son is happy.

Nastyaa · 31/08/2024 22:31

It's not because he's spending time with her, it's because you want to spend time with him without her. I get it, he's your child. But you have to let him live, please don't ruin it for him by expressing your disapproval. You will only push him away.

readysteadynono · 31/08/2024 22:31

YABU

theduchessofspork · 31/08/2024 22:32

It’s young love / they aren’t planning babies / OP you really do need to butt out of his love life

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