Worried about the pace of DSs relationship - should spend some time apart?

[Carzoe]

DS is 22, 23 next week, he has just finished uni and is now taking a gap year (well his 2nd gap year as he didn't get to travel much the first one thanks to Covid!). Over the summer he went to Europe backpacking alone, 5 days in he met a girl, travelled with her and her friends for a couple of weeks then they split off together and have been together non stop since. Turns out they went to the same uni and just never met and they seem really close.
They both graduate on Tuesday (no idea why they are so late this year) and have birthdays within the next two weeks so they have come home for 2 weeks. Originally after this DS was going to go to SE Asia (flights booked) but now he has decided he is going back to Europe with her and then they will head to SE Asia together in late October.
As they went to uni in London and both graduate on Tuesday we came to meet him in London today and we met her and her dad over dinner. She seems lovely, very attractive girl and smart too. I'm happy DS is happy however they met 9 weeks ago and haven't actually been apart in 7 weeks!
DS told me tonight that on Wednesday they will both come home with us to Hampshire stay until the Monday then head up to Cumbria where she is from for the last week as it is over her birthday and then leave from there for Italy.
I want to be okay with this but I actually think 2 weeks apart would be for the best, he hasn't been away from her in 7 weeks and is about to travel with her again.

AIBU to think this is way too much and they should each spend 2 weeks with there family after graduation then meet back up to travel if that is what they really want?

It seems so intense I'm worried it will end badly!

He’s 23 for goodness sake. It’s absolutely none of your business who he spends time with or how long he spends with them. My DD met someone in Thailand while travelling 6 years ago and they were rarely apart, they’re married now. Cut those apron strings.

Me and dh went to the same uni and got married when we were both 23. I would keep out it it. It actually sounds perfect!

Oh can't you remember what it's like to be young and in love? When it's so painful to be apart and you just yearn to be together all the time. It sounds like he's having a wonderful time! It will either work out or it won't. Either way, let him enjoy being in love.

He's an adult. He's happy andenjoying life with his new love. I would just be counting my blessings too!

I agree with you, but people fall hard at that age and later. He needs to find his own path. I met my "one" at age 22. I Fell very quickly, whatever it was didn't last long at all. Went home, sobbed all weekend. My mum and dad loved me, but were never great at the relationship stuff. They hugged me as I cried, took me back to my flat with food, and never spoke of it again. 30+ years on I still very occasionally think about him and what it was. It's part of life.

23, come on op he's an adult! Almost the age dh was when he met me.

He can do exactly as he pleases. I thought this would be able a 15 year old or something

A couple of weeks before I was 23, I was already married. Still am now. And we spend almost all of our time together now, 26 years later. Totally don’t understand your thinking.

This is nothing to do with you. When I met DH he was the same age, just turning 23, we moved in together within a year. Your son is enjoying himself, by your own account he’s seeing a lovely women, that’s it. Enjoy the time they spend with you.

It's only been nine weeks FFS!

I met DH at that age. I think we were pretty unbearable for the first year or so. My friends were worried…we were unable to stay apart. We’ve calmed down, I assure you, and are still together 20 years later. My parents (and his) very sensibly said nothing and let us ride it out.

Eldest daughter met her now hubby at uni they were together 8 years when he proposed. Middle DD met her now hubby at uni in her last year they were together 8 months when he proposed. Youngest DD met her bf on freshers week aged 19 at uni and the whole time I fretted in case they broke up then she'd be devastated. They've been together 7 years now and have travelled the world together they are both professionals and work in the big city. They're coming home next weekend and we suspect a permission to be asked! I'm buying champagne and cleaning her Grandmother's diamond ring just in case!

yeah yabu. He is (almost) 23. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out but clearly they are both having a great time & are full of plans & living life with someone who he seems to have a similar life out look too & presumably he was already taking the gap year anyway?

as long as they can afford it - but out. He is an adult & its none of your business now how “intense” his new relationship is

He's 23 so you don't have a say.

Would you prefer if he had a different girl every night of the week?

I get you may be concerned it’s intense and may end badly and he may end up heart broken. He might. He might not. But he is an adult. He decides what he needs. And he could get his heart broken, even if they have some time apart.

Why do you think they ‘need’ 2 weeks apart? Are you sure it’s not a case of you would prefer to have him home for a bit, on his own, before he leaves again?

What’s the worst that will happen? They break up. And he either carries on travelling or comes home.

Wow, you seriously need to butt out.

He is an adult so mature enough to work it out for himself

I have similar concerns about my 22 year old except that in his case they have been apart because she lives in another country, but in all they’ve only spent five weeks together in person and are so desperate to be together that they’re talking about getting married so they can live in the same country.

I think they’re rushing into serious commitment far too soon.

But they’re both adults. I’ve told DS when he asked for my opinion that marriage is a huge commitment. That I totally get the wanting to not be apart, but if it’s meant to be then it will be without the need to rush into marriage.

But I can’t stop them ,

One of the hardest things about having children is that they don’t stay children, and don’t necessarily make the same decisions we would. But equally we don’t have children just to keep them with us. They grow up, and make their own lives. And all we can do is be there for them.

They sound so sweet:)

He's having the time if his life by the sound of it and seems to have hit the jackpot with the girlfriend. Love's young dream. You must have felt like that too when you were young? Non-stop happiness and tons of sex and adventure .I wish my son was doing all this. It's none of your business by the way

He is not a child. He is enjoying an intensity of a relationship that is going to naturally end very soon when work takes over.

Or is he really taking a full year off after graduating?

Your attitude might come from 'love' but if you keep this up the only thing you'll succeed at is alienating the pair of them.

Ahhh young love. The best feeling. They both sound lovely. Lots of stuff in common and seem really happy to spend some with your family and hers. This is so gorgeous.

Let him be!

Who do you think it would be better for to spend the two weeks apart? Presumably you as you'd have your son to yourself and get to spend longer with him.
It certainly won't be better for the couple, who clearly want to be together.
As they're adults, it's their call though.

I'd love to swap places with him or her right now and experience once again that crazy crazy love that you get when you're young and you can't bear to be apart for a minute.

Those of us who experienced it half a century ago still look back partly with fondness and partly shaking our heads at those crazy weeks or months but we wouldn't change it for the world.