Worried about the pace of DSs relationship - should spend some time apart?

[Carzoe]

DS is 22, 23 next week, he has just finished uni and is now taking a gap year (well his 2nd gap year as he didn't get to travel much the first one thanks to Covid!). Over the summer he went to Europe backpacking alone, 5 days in he met a girl, travelled with her and her friends for a couple of weeks then they split off together and have been together non stop since. Turns out they went to the same uni and just never met and they seem really close.
They both graduate on Tuesday (no idea why they are so late this year) and have birthdays within the next two weeks so they have come home for 2 weeks. Originally after this DS was going to go to SE Asia (flights booked) but now he has decided he is going back to Europe with her and then they will head to SE Asia together in late October.
As they went to uni in London and both graduate on Tuesday we came to meet him in London today and we met her and her dad over dinner. She seems lovely, very attractive girl and smart too. I'm happy DS is happy however they met 9 weeks ago and haven't actually been apart in 7 weeks!
DS told me tonight that on Wednesday they will both come home with us to Hampshire stay until the Monday then head up to Cumbria where she is from for the last week as it is over her birthday and then leave from there for Italy.
I want to be okay with this but I actually think 2 weeks apart would be for the best, he hasn't been away from her in 7 weeks and is about to travel with her again.

AIBU to think this is way too much and they should each spend 2 weeks with there family after graduation then meet back up to travel if that is what they really want?

It seems so intense I'm worried it will end badly!

Same age as my son who is also in the throes of fresh love with his new girlfriend.
I don't interfere, he is an adult and how he spends his time is no longer in my remit. She seems lovely...clever, aware, goggle-eyed over him too.

This is life mama, let him learn to live it. x

You can think whatever you want but you're being unreasonable if you think you should be having any say in this. He's an adult and trying to interfere in this will just drive a wedge between you and he'll still do what he wants to anyway.

Sending so much love to you and your family, I really hope your son can recover, alcoholism is awful.

AIBU to think this is way too much and they should each spend 2 weeks with there family after graduation then meet back up to travel if that is what they really want

He's an adult. Let him make his own decision. Maybe he doesn't want to spend 2 weeks with you?

Relationships can develop fast. My husband proposed 3 weeks after we met. Over 50 years together so far.

He’s a grown man and you don’t get a say. It sounds more like you are upset you won’t get him to yourself for a couple of weeks

Sounds completely normal. He's in his 20s, he doesn't need to spend 2 weeks with his mum and dad!

I actually agree with you: I would find that enormously stifling and I don’t think it’s healthy for people that young to be stuck together like glue never mind talking about marriage FFS. I think balance and variety is important.

That said other posters are correct that there’s nothing you can do about it. They are adults and he needs to make his own mistakes.

Given that he is a grown man of 23, what has this actually got to do with you? You’re talking about him as if he’s 15.

Why would an adult man have to spend two weeks with his family?!

Of course you are being unreasonable 😂😂. He’s 23 not 13. He doesn’t want to spend two weeks with you away from her.
I think it’s great and he should just enjoy it while they have no financial commitments and have the whole world to explore.

It really is.

Don’t bother. I’m sure we all wish we knew as much as 22/23yo’s, like teens, they know everything and are now extra sure of it because they now have so much experience since being a teen. Saying anything will only end badly, don’t bother, just wait it out and say ‘I told you so’ silently inside your head.

I’m a bit jealous actually. That sounds wonderful!

I think voicing any views on what he should or shouldn't be doing in a new relationship will be counter productive and he will distance himself from you. So just not a good idea in practical terms. And in the end its his relationship, his life, his happiness. Just be there for when he might need you and welcome her into your lives.

I agree.

When I was his age, I was already married for two years to the man I married 3 months after I (then 21) met him.

We're still very happily married close to two decades later, but of course it could have been otherwise, though I wouldn't have believed it for a second then! Just be glad you weren't one of our parents, lol!

Don’t see a problem.

None of your business. Young and in love.

Don’t you remember feeling that way? Wouldn’t it have been awful for someone to have tried to rain in that parade?

He’s happy. What’s the worse that happens, they get sick of each other and break up? Statistically he has a good few break ups ahead of him. Back up a bit and met him enjoy love’s young dream.

At 23 my "home" was with my DH (then boyfriend/fiance) anyway.

You've no claim on him or where he spends his time or who with.

Trying to will just push him away.

MIL has always been openly bitter that DH moved to 'my' county and away from where his family are.

All that's done is make DH disappointed in her not supporting his decisions. He feels no guilt/regret about his choices and now only sees her out of a sense of duty (generally has to be me that pushes to visit them.)

I met my husband at university. We were essentially living together within a week, engaged after 5 months and have now been married 25 years. Sometimes things move quickly for a reason. Give them a chance.

I think it's time you let him grow up 🙈

How lovely. Please let us know if you want to.

Thank you everyone. I won't say anything and just let him learn whatever lesson this happens to teach.
This isn't his first love, actually it's his 3rd, he had a long term girlfriend in sixth form and was never this attached to her and then again in 1st and 2nd year of uni. That relationship left him distraught so I guess I'm scared for him.

It's been 9 weeks and they have already adopted the "boyfriend/girlfriend" titles and said they love each other. It just seems so fast.

DH and I were friends for a long time before we got together and 28 when we started dating so I don't think we are had this whirlwind moment.

It's been 9 weeks and they have already adopted the "boyfriend/girlfriend" titles and said they love each other. It just seems so fast.

He's clearly fallen very hard. Honestly at that age and meeting someone that blows you away, 9 weeks isn't that fast, especially if they've been travelling together.