To think pregnancy ruined your body?

[Poppins21]

I am on a few other topics at the moment and there seems to be a sentiment that pregnancy ruins your body- especially if you a geriatric mum.

i had my daughter late, i was 38. I loved being pregnant I felt very sexy and my poor husband was the knackered one during those 9 months. I have never looked better than when pregnant.

I had an elective c section and no pain, no issues and a few weeks later I was back in my normal jeans. 10 days post partum I got many comments that I couldn’t have just had a baby. I swam regularly when I was pregnant as the water felt good supporting my belly and I ate super healthy.

So I came through the other side fitter, healthier and with bigger boobs and I do not feel that pregnancy, birth and motherhood ruined my body, my life or my energy.

I understand this is not the case for everyone but be nice to hear some pregnancy positivity. Or maybe I am just a smug delusional so and so 😂

So am I being unreasonable to celebrate what pregnancy can do for you? When I told people I was pregnant I would have to hear so many horror stories about incontinence and stretch marks.

I loved my pregnant body and like you was very proud of what my body had done! I had my dc young and I think that I took for granted how good I looked.

Even on this thread people shame you for saying that you like your body, it’s ridiculous.

Yet you chose to start a thread that encourages positivity because some people’s bodies remain unchanged and therefore that’s the positive to focus on? And to use ‘ruined’ in your title as the alternative?

No body is ruined by pregnancy – start there, and leave out everything else that suggests there is a positive outcome or a negative outcome.

I agree women are not listened to enough in pregnancy and labour coupled with underfunding for maternity and post partum health care.

People can only tell stories based on what they personally experienced. I think the fact that you didn’t hear more positive stories about ‘bouncing back’ is probably reflective of the fact that those people are in the minority.
So unless you’re saying that people who didn’t ’bounce back’ should just keep their mouths shut about their negative experiences, I think it’s probably fair to expect that you’ll hear about them at some point.

I only used ruined as it was a phrase I kept seeing on other threads. It is not a word I would use to describe post parting bodies at all

I had a caesarean and - man alive - the trapped wind i suffer with to this day. 😫

Yes, I looked fine after the first. Now I’ve got two and and back to work, I’m knackered and look it!

i’m 33 and get asked if I’m 40!

Once I start getting a full nights sleep again hopefully I’ll look ok again. Hopefully. Maybe. 🫠

I was not young 😂 but I agree during pregnancy it was a weird sort of confidence I had.

@PortiasBiscuit You do realise it's totally "natural" to die during pregnancy or childbirth, right? Evolution doesn't care about the individual, we adapt so the species survives. So, yes, of course lots of people are permanently damaged by the result, but they've successfully reproduced.

the lack of sleep is the killer

I think, OP, part of the issue is that lots of people actually don't feel the negative impact of pregnancy and birth IS discussed much. Certainly NCT etc never prepared me for the possibility of permanent problems. I even went to the GP 5 days PP and said I thought something was wrong and she laughed at me. You don't get examined at your 6 week check, have to wait months to be referred to a physio or gyno etc etc

Pre baby I was dimly aware you might wee yourself a bit if you laughed, but that was worst case scenario.

Hahaha. You had one baby and got lucky.

I get your point and I am not demeaning any women’s birth and pregnancy story but I didn’t ask for their stories I was just going about my business.

i would never give my opinion to anyone in IRL on any of their choices unless asked.

now I have more mum friends the majority are fine with their bodies and I would have preferred to hear this than the awful stories - which were frightening at the time.

I think you just need to own the fact that, despite apparently not liking the word and thinking the word is ‘sad’, you have started a post which declares the alternative to being ‘ruined’ is being mad sex drive, having bigger boobs, in size X pair of jeans and no stretch marks. You also described stretch marks as a ‘horror story’.

A horror story is you or or child losing a life. And your post is deeply problematic.

No body is ruined. Full stop.

On the flipside, all i heard was positive stories and euphemisms, twee little jokes about your pelvic floor, essentially- women not talking honestly about pregnancy and childbirth and when my pregnancy and birth went very wrong, i was not at all mentally prepared for it because i simply never believed it could happen to me. But it did. Society has done a great job of painting a rosy picture of getting pregnant, glowing for 9 months, then pushing the baby out without intervention and bouncing back within a few weeks.

A bit more honesty from women around me about how dangerous birth and pregnancy can be would have been very useful because i certainly didn't get it from the medics, even with a high risk pregnancy. After i had given birth, lots of women told me their real stories. Too little, too late.

You had some stress in pregnancy because you thought you might not "bounce back" after you'd given birth because of too much honesty. I ended up with severe ptsd because of too little.

The whole rhetoric about bouncing back is incredibly harmful, the idea that if your body has been long term or permanently affected by something very physical you've somehow failed (subtext: because you're no longer attractive to men).

Yes to this.

Not sure what to say, I get a lot of backlash for this view.
It's Mumsnet after all.
My opinion is of course pregnancy ruins your body, in many ways!
Furthermore, life is far too short and hard as it is, to just cancel yourself completely for another human being (with enthusiasm as well).
I never had children and can sincerely comment that so far it was the best decision ever made, by myself and for myself.

YABU

I have stretch marks and a bit of a belly, but that's a non-issue. Pregnancy can do a hell of a lot more than that though, and just because you were fine after one, doesn't negate other women's experiences.

Two 8+ hour "natural" deliveries with large babies, both ending in ventouse has resulted in my pelvic floor being effectively destroyed. I have a (TMI) vaginal prolapse and now struggle to fully empty my bowels. Sex can be quite painful now, and I'm talking fairly vanilla stuff. I am now prone to yeast infections.

Pregnancy also gifted me with migraines (began in the first trimester when I was constantly vomiting), which have continued to appear post-birth, as well as sciatica (thankfully has gone now). The birth of DS1 was complicated and I was on the verge of needing a transfusion.

Some women's bodies just don't cope well with pregnancy.

Thanks that was not my experience it was only the negative apart from friends, family and my OBGYN

As I said maternity and post partum services need be better funded and women need to be made aware of the risks in an appropriate setting.

Health care providers need to be aware of post pregnancy complications so they are not laughed at like in your case.

I think there needs to be more support for new mums to support them and their health.

Sorry about your experiences and I wasn’t demeaning yours or any other women’s experience.

@Poppins21

"But I am also aware you do not hear many positives about it and during my pregnancy that balance would have been helpful."

But in what way? You say that you knew what to do and did it so?

I think proper maternity services were women are given time and risks are explained is the best avenue for this.

I absolutely hated being pregnant- both times. I was huge, couldnt even go upstairs without wheezing and I was very slim prior to getting pregnant.

I'm now back to pre pregnancy weight and apart from the odd stretch mark I dont at all feel my body has been "ruined"- there are actually many long health benefits to having been pregnant and it reduces the risk of various health risks later in life.

I'm very proud of my body for what it's done and my kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me. That said, there should absolutely be more support and help for women who have suffered issues post birth and it should be taken far more seriously by GPs.

Of course it can be destroyed by doing what it's meant to do. Historically, many women died doing what their bodies were meant to do.

Personally, I suffered from an umbilical hernia during my pregnancy which was very painful and I had to have surgery for. Still get bother from it.

@PortiasBiscuit maybe ask the woman I saw on here a couple of years ago who can't go running like she used to without shitting herself?

@bergamotorange thank you for the sanity injection there