To think pregnancy ruined your body?

[Poppins21]

I am on a few other topics at the moment and there seems to be a sentiment that pregnancy ruins your body- especially if you a geriatric mum.

i had my daughter late, i was 38. I loved being pregnant I felt very sexy and my poor husband was the knackered one during those 9 months. I have never looked better than when pregnant.

I had an elective c section and no pain, no issues and a few weeks later I was back in my normal jeans. 10 days post partum I got many comments that I couldn’t have just had a baby. I swam regularly when I was pregnant as the water felt good supporting my belly and I ate super healthy.

So I came through the other side fitter, healthier and with bigger boobs and I do not feel that pregnancy, birth and motherhood ruined my body, my life or my energy.

I understand this is not the case for everyone but be nice to hear some pregnancy positivity. Or maybe I am just a smug delusional so and so 😂

So am I being unreasonable to celebrate what pregnancy can do for you? When I told people I was pregnant I would have to hear so many horror stories about incontinence and stretch marks.

On a post like this I think it’s no problem at all to share a positive story I just think sometimes the context is wrong in real life! Glad you’re feeling great after having a baby!!

No and that’s why I said I just say congratulations if someone is pregnant.

if someone asks I will tell them my experience.

and if a friend was struggling with any element of motherhood I wouldn’t make some moral judgement I would do my best to offer any support they need.

I think it's a hard one to get right OP. If you tell people you had a wonderfully positive experience, you run the risk of making others feel crap who may not have had a positive experience. Tell the horror stories (which is what I heard throughout my pregnancy) and you run the risk of terrifying people or worrying people unnecessarily. Even on hear there are a mix of threads between threads about how people wish they were told how shite their body might feel during pregnancy, and threads where people wish people would be more positive.

Every body is different, every pregnancy is different, every baby is different. I just keep my mouth shut unless I'm asked a specific question.

I agree that it's awful when people decide to tell pregnant women horror stories about birth, and tell them they are doomed.

The final part of this quoted post though is just as bad. We all want to do the best for our babies. Try having hyperemesis and being unable to keep vegetables down, or any food other than the blandest beigest carbs - I would even vomit water right back up again. I felt that terrible pressure of all the things I should be doing for my baby - the perfect, healthy diet and exercise regime, not lying in bed crying because I knew as soon as I moved I would throw up. I would have loved to be swimming!

There is an unspoken implication in these comments that health outcomes are in our control if only we are disciplined enough - only if we care, and are morally superior to those ill people who just didn't bother. Actually, a lot of our health is out of our hands. And it's not down to moral virtue.

The pressure put on pregnant women to be perfect vessels creates dreadful anxiety and it puts all the responsibility for the baby's wellbeing on the mother when in fact so much of it is chance and luck.

I feel op is being misinterpreted/her comments taken out of context.
i get what you’re saying that it’s not necessarily going to ruin your body getting pregnant and been told that all the way through would be really unhelpful.
I suppose on the other hand, not realising it could lead to a horrible shock because I would imagine most women have to cope with (at the very least) changes to shape and strength all the way to very debilitating lifelong issues. And there definitely is a big movement of wankers on Instagram and the like, telling people how to get back in to their size 6 jeans the day after birth. So maybe it just depends what bubble you live in.
personally, before I got pregnant, I always expected breastfeeding to ruin my fairly large boobs. Exclusively breastfed until my child was six months and then continued until he was almost 4, no discernible difference after. Who knows why but I hate the idea that women might be put off breastfeeding because they think saggy tits are inevitable.only one child though so that’s probably got a lot to do with it.
I did have other issues which have been long-lasting which I didn’t see coming and wish I had been forewarned about as I may have done things differently if I’d known

I agree! In real life if someone was struggling I would not be a smug so and so and say I found it so easy. It would be horrible.

@Poppins21 I had a great pregnancy, glowing, beautiful hair, felt okay throughout, although did again any actual weight due to baby’ size. However at 5ft2 and having a 10lb6 baby my stomach was throughly wrecked - no amount of exercise, callisthenics or Pilates is going to rescue it. It’s hard to see the skin through the amount of stretch marks I have. However I’ll take that over the birth - emergency c-sec after 5 days labour, 4 litre haemorrhage, cardiac arrest, hypovolemic shock (organ failure) and sepsis. My son also had sepsis from the long labour. Had severe PTSD and postnatal depression for a year after due to the above. Couldn’t wait to be a mum but that year nearly led me to kill myself. I’m glad you had a good experience during birth and post birth, but that wasn’t my experience. I love my son more than the world and every day is a joy with him but my body and mental health was destroyed by the NHS service I received - poor decisions were made by the team and I’m paying the price.

Are you being unreasonable to think pregnancy ruined my body? No you're not being unreasonable, it did. I am waiting on an operation to fix it. However, I do have 2 gorgeous children so the damage was worth it.

My goodness I was not on instagram saying look at me. It would just have been nice to hear a balance of stories that’s all.

And it feels sad the word ruined is used so much about pregnancy.

I also didn't feel that pregnancy ruined my body. But I am out of shape these days and part of the reason for that is my lifestyle (looking after small children with very little support network). It didn't kick in till recently though.

But yanbu about the pregnancy part. I had a vb and then an elcs and recovered great from both. The vb was slightly better in terms of my body, but my dc wasn't well afterwards due to shoulder dystocia

You are smug.

Women don't choose painful traumatic births.

And buying into the bigger boobs equals sexier ideal is tragically tied into male standards of beauty.

Fuck mem, fuck their wants. I don't even show cleavage now because I like knowing men would like a look and they can't because I'm not there to tittilate them.

So sorry about your experience. As I said previously your experience was awful maternity services. Mothers and babies need proper care during labour.

How are you both now?

Definitely not. I started running when my children were about 4 and 6 and my body in my late 30’s had never been in better shape . 2 C-section's, Just a small scar really is the only difference .

Why is everyone saying it goes wrong after the second? That didn’t happen for me. I went back to normal again. I think it’s probably just that women don’t have as much time to exercise or look after themselves second time round. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course not! I had my own struggles in pregnancy but they were as uncommon and unavoidable as HG. I wouldn’t want anyone else to colour their view of pregnancy from my rare experience that is unlikely to affect them. I just wish I’d gone in to it all more positively which is what OP is saying too!

Mammas I don’t care what you look like you’ve done the most amazing thing bringing a baby into this world and to them you’ll always be the best thing in this world . Image isn’t everything people will think I didn’t “bounce back” due to my post but it’s not true I’m just not one to make others feel shit about how they look compared to you this isn’t a very nice post

I did not say women choose traumatic births. As I said previously I think maternity services should be properly funded to ensure mothers and babies are well cared for.

just unsolicited stories scared me when pregnant.

I didn’t say I was judging anyone else I just said some positive stories would have been nice to hear when pregnant.

Now I have more friends who are mums I know many who had pregnancies like me but at the time the bad stories were stressful when pregnant,

I wasn’t saying you are one of those wankers, quite the opposite!

I think that’s probably it - I was 26 with my first and 28 with my second and fuck me I look awful but I think that’s due to poor diet choices as I’m so tired and no energy to exercise

Way harder to look after yourself once the baby is born.

@Poppins21 i still have to undergo investigatory blood work once every three months because it causes fainting episodes and severe migraines- it’s been two years, they can’t find the issue and I have a blood transfusion every three months. Mental health is still not great, I take anti-depressants now and struggle with insomnia. I never had any health or mental health issues before pregnancy/birth. Everyday I’m grateful to be alive and grateful my son is here, I love being a mum there is nothing better. Your story sounds like a dream and I wish it could have been mine. Clearly you understand that your dream birth experience and body snapping back isn’t everyones. But claiming to hear horror stories before which are women’s real life experiences is quite demeaning. If I’d heard more horror stories then maybe I would have insisted on a planned CS. But I was repeatedly told I would be fine, bigger babies are easier to birth etc. But the reality is I almost lost my life listening to medical professionals who I thought knew best.

I know. I was saying I don’t like them either 😀

After my first I snapped back even better than before. After my second, c-section birth 10 years older in my mid 30s things are definitely different. No stretch marks, just weight is harder to lose, small paunch the the bottom of my stomach, bigger and saggier tits and just generally a bit thicker around the middle. I think it's a combo of the pregnancy, the c-section and just being older.

Sorry about your experiences. Again this issue seems to be under funded maternity services were women are not listened too.

I am not demeaning other women’s stories but when I was happy I was pregnant unsolicited stories from people about how bad things will be seems unfair. I was happy to hear from friends and family and took advice from them and my amazing OBGYB (who had many children and looked fit and well).