Only taking 9 months mat leave?

[Pinkturtles]

AIBU for this? I thought it would be the norm but most people I’ve chatted to with babies have taken at least 10 months or a full year.

DH is taking months 10 and 11 as shared leave and we already had a month together when DS was born which is taken from the shared leave. The main reason is financial as he will be getting full salary in these months whereas I would be getting £0.

Did you go back at 9 months? I’m worried people will judge me for being a rubbish mum.

I'm going back this week after 8 months. Financially I have no choice. It doesn't make you a rubbish mum making sure you can provide for your children. Just make sure the time you spend with them around work is quality

Please don’t worry about being a rubbish mum!! The government is the rubbish one only letting people get smp and then nothing after 9m!!!!

you are brilliant and do whatever works best for your family

My colleague took thee months and her husband took the rest. It's personal

Not at all great bonding time with dad.

I took 12 months with DS but found it was too long and he struggled to settle into nursery as I have no family nearby so I had only left him with his dad. So with DD I went back at 9 months and it was much better. The way I see it is that some mums get much less Mat leave and life is expensive and hard so I wouldn’t judge anyone for what time they took off. It’s great that your DH is able to take a couple of months too

Hi @Pinkturtles Don’t worry about people judging you, you have to do what is right for you and your family. I’ve just gone back to work and my little one is 9 months and is in nursery 3 days a week. It’s great that your DH is able to spend months 10 & 11 with your little one.

I intended to take a year off but ended up back after 9 months as DH was made redundant. It was absolutely fine. Actually, NCT friends who waited until 1year seemed to have more issues settling DC in nurseries etc, but that’s only my anecdotal evidence

It's normal to go back from about 6 months I'd say. It's good that your husband is going to be in charge for a bit too - although you might not want to swap when it comes to it! Are you going back FT? If breastfeeding you will need to pump at work, if so.
I went back at 6 months and 7 months, also gave some time to.my then partner. I only went back 2 days a week though

I know a lot of couples who have done the same as you - us included. It works really well and the dads have really benefited from solo time in charge.

I didn't find expressing milk was necessary - at 9 months, they preferred to wait for me and fill up on solids in the day

I went back at nine months and DP did three before DS started nursery at 1. I have always thought that shared parental leave is hugely important and that partners should have the opportunity to find their feet with 1 on 1 time with the baby. I have no regrets about doing it. DS had a full year with one of his parents looking after him full time and I got to go back to work and find my feet again without having to do the nursery juggle. I felt guilty (briefly) when DS started nursery but not when he was with his dad.

I’m not breastfeeding and plan to drop to 4 days per week so that may ease things. I know I’m not going to want to swap when the time comes actually!

Not so long ago, mat leave was 9 weeks (I was born in the ‘70s). I know someone who was a self employed beauty therapist, took 2 weeks. My friends wife took 3 months as that was all they could afford. It’s personal.

Your attitude is pretty offensive to anyone who had a shorter mat leave. Of course your baby will be fine. There's no "only" about it. You're privelidged that your DH can take a couple of months. Most of the rest of us peasants just go back to work.

I went back at 13 months the first time and probably around the same this time. So full mat leave + holiday at the end.
It’s just what worked best for our family. I think you’re focusing more on people who take more time because you’re feeling insecure about the amount you’re taking because actually most women take around 9 months too!

I went back (FT) after 6 months with my first. Shared leave wasn't a thing so DC went into nursery then. I wanted to get back so I did what worked for me and my family.

I did take longer with DC 2 (10 months) and 3 (12 months) because it made sense then - DH worked away more, eldest started school etc.

Do what you want. Nothing will stop judgey people judging anyway.

I took 16 weeks.

I went back FT after 5 months.

Honestly, no-one is going to give how long you take a second thought. Just do what works for you and stop feeling guilty for something you don't need to feel guilty about.

I only took 3 months because my exH had been made redundant, my American employer didn't pay anything above stat maternity pay, and we'd probably have lost our house if I hadn't gone back. I hated only having 3 months, I would have liked 6.

@MultiplaLight why is it offensive and why would you be a peasant for taking less time? This is a personal reflection on how I’m feeling, it doesn’t mean I’m judging anyone else.

I went back to work after 10.5 months with DS. So 9 months maternity leave and 1.5 months of accrued annual leave. He’s been fine at nursery since week 2, he only goes 3 days a week. When I went for his settling in, I was chatting with the nursery nurse and was asking if he’s the youngest but the said no, there were 3 younger ones, one was 6 months. So really, every family needs to do what works for them.

Generally poorer people take less time. Your attitude seems to be that you'll be judged. Question why? There's your answer. You feel like that because you have judged others.

I work in an investment bank, many high-level female employees also come back early; it’s not just ‘peasants’

Think many take 10 months , 9 ml with last month being their accrued annual leave. However it is whatever suits you

Most people I know that are less well off than me don’t go back at all as with nursery fees it doesn’t make sense. So I think your argument is flawed @MultiplaLight. Plus I’m going back for financial security!

I went back after ten months - nine months of paid maternity leave and then used some accrued annual leave to give myself an extra month. No way I could have done the three months unpaid, statutory maternity pay was crappy enough!