To think that actually, yes I did lose the love of my life?

[dotsandc]

I’m not sure why I’m posting this really. I guess I have nobody else to say it to in real life as I know it sounds silly in some ways. It’s also pointless to go over it. But for the last couple of years I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.

When I was 30 I met a truly wonderful man. Decent, grounded, kind, patient, all the qualities you would want in someone. At that age I had become very quickly high up in my career despite being young, I had become more attractive generally as my twenties progressed and found this confidence I hadn’t experienced before. This amazing man seemed like the settling down option and I wasn’t ready for it. We had a great relationship and I chose to travel for six months, he supported this and while I was away I ended things with him..

Fast forward 8 years and I have a 4 year old with someone new. I am not in love with her father and we separated a couple of years ago. I have thought about this other man always. I found out around 3 years ago that he had had a fling while abroad and an accidental pregnancy had come from it. From what I have heard he stepped up completely and has tried to make the relationship work. This is exactly the sort of man he is.

Anyway, I have noticed on my new route to work that I often pass him. He has looked at me in a way that I know he feels something for me too. We never ever speak, it wouldn’t be right to. But it burns away at me all the time. Why did I let my immaturity end it?

I know there’s things people say like ‘what’s for you won’t pass you’ or ‘you’d be together now if he was the one.’ Etc. but I can’t help feeling that actually my ‘one’ had been there and I missed the boat.

Not sure how to navigate my feelings. I feel full of regret I suppose.

I really feel for you as I lost the love of my life too as we just met too soon and other people interfered. But now we talk and it is great. Don't give up hope.

Put him in your wank bank and move on.

Prince Charming men/women don't exist.. They definitely don't go around eyeing up ex girlfriends at train stations while their partner is at home looking after their toddler.
You are coming across like you're really bored, find something more worthwhile to occupy yourself with.

He wasn't right for you then, and he isn't now.

Don't waste your life wondering about what might have been.

How bizarre that you don't acknowledge each other

Oh, give over
He’s in a relationship with the mother of his child.
Op has no way of knowing he’s just making the best of things due to an accidental pregnancy, she just hopes that’s the case.

He has looked at me in a way that I know he feels something for me too
I’d love to know what sort of look this is, particularly as he’s twice chosen to walk straight past op without speaking 😬

Aww come on, I'm sure you've more than one mate!😜

A Prince among men... making eyes at his ex while in a relationship with the mother of his child.

I can see why you think he's such a great guy... NOT!

There's nothing to suggest that he's "making eyes"! It's part of the OP's romantic fantasy.

I had a 'one that got away' more than 40 years ago. Still think about him from time to time.

You wouldn't have finished with him if you'd been head over heels with him. I think you may have your rose-tinteds on.

Ha ha ha ha ha

Making ‘forbidden’ eye contact with somebody you recognise having lived a thoroughly decent life suddenly makes you a shitty person?

In that case we’re all destined for damnation aren’t we?

The grass isn't greener. You are romanticising this.

He’s never even bothered to slow down and speak to op, which would be a perfectly normal thing to do.
It’s probably safe to say any long, lingering looks are all in her head.

I had one too.
Got back together after twenty years and a year and a half in, it's not perfect, but we're still together.

There's nothing to suggest that he's "making eyes"! It's part of the OP's romantic fantasy

For all the Op knows he could be trying to get used to wearing contact lenses and he’s just squinting.

If you'd stayed with him, your child wouldn't exist. Regret nothing, look forward.

Exactly. I ended up not pursuing a relationship with someone great by pure chance — it came down to a missed meeting in the days before mobiles, just before I left the country. I’m sure it would have been a good, lasting relationship. But circumstances meant we didn’t pursue it, and we both married other people. Who are probably equally great. (Certainly so in the case of DH.) It’s always interesting to think where life would have gone, but no,I don’t think there’s one soulmate for a person.

I agree with others, you broke it off before you were out of the honeymoon period really, you have no idea what he’s like as a long term partner, I’m sure after 6 months with your child’s dad you loved him. People change, the way a relationship is after 6 months isn’t always the way it is after 6 years and living with someone is a total different ball game to just dating. Try not to dwell on it, onwards and upwards!

Massively this.

OP is trying to convince herself that she is viewed the same way by him.

Just smile and say hi. See what happens. It sounds amazing

He isn't available. There are millions of men out there, find another.

I know someone who similarly let a really good man pass. She was young (way younger than you were) and wanted to travel and see the world.

20 years and a divorce later she contacted him again. He is married and with dc. Because he really was that decent guy, he asked her to never contact him again.

If your guy is similarly decent, then he won't be interested in you.

😂

I don’t think that anyone is ‘The Love’ of anyone’s life. There are many people that could suit you. More importantly you made the best decision for you at the time.

By the sound of your relationship, you never got to know him that well - no one is perfect, so maybe it would have worked and maybe it wouldn’t, but either way you weren’t ready for it.

It sounds like perhaps you need to start dating again. I also think it’s perfectly fine to say Hi, how are you - gazing at each other in silence is probably fuelling the fantasy and is unnecessarily dramatic.

When you have small children - as adorable as they are - life becomes quite routine and it’s easy to imagine that your pre-kids life was far more romantic and exciting than it really was.

OP, you need to take your focus off your ex. He is not the answer here. Does your daughter stay with her father sometimes? Or can you leave her with a family member once a week/fortnight while you meet up with friends or join a group or something? Whatever you need to give yourself some free time and something to look forward to. So many women lose that when they become mothers and, like you, find that old flames suddenly look a lot more attractive.

Alice & Jack