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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horrid friend

124 replies

Flute56 · 30/08/2024 05:17

Ive had an on off friendship with someone but i think i need to get rid once and for all. What stops me is that when we get on its like weare best friends untill she finds something to slag me off about. When i try to defend myself she doesnt like it anď closes down her wassap so i cantwassap her. She has done this before and after a few days opens her wassap so i can message again and then she acts like my best friend again. I need to tell her what i think and put my valid point across but cant do it on wassap and so would it be agood idea to weite a letter instead and post it to her. Im not upset but just annoyed. I had a very toxic mother who died and i was free from her and now it seems ive got it again from this friend

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 30/08/2024 07:48

Flute56 · 30/08/2024 07:42

Yes I see your point but I feel I need to give a reason for blocking I mean if you had a boyfriend and you wanted to split with him he wouldn't just split with no reason you to have to tell him why wouldn't you because I wouldn't like someone to just blocked me for no reason I'd need to know why they decided to block me and then after finding out the reason if that's what they want to do I'd be okay with that I'd say well you've given me the reason that's fair enough but I think everybody whoever they are deserves an explanation

You will make things worse by sending her a letter, and you will regret it for years to come.

It might not give you "closure" by not writing a letter, but not one person in this thread thinks it is a good idea. It will come back and bite you if you do.

Block on all platforms and move on.

Mabelface · 30/08/2024 07:49

You're focusing on the wrong thing. The WhatsApp stuff doesn't matter. She's decided to stop talking to you again, so you actually owe her nothing, no explanation at all. Feel free to block her and get her out of your life.

TammyJones · 30/08/2024 07:49

Op she's not very nice
She lies, manipulates and loves drama
You're getting great advise on this thread but are arguing about getting your point across to your ex friend
She doesn't care what you say
She is damaged , just like your mum.
Therapy would be beneficial for you all.

Original poster
Flute56 · 30/08/2024 07:53

What I mean is I have blocked people before and I have always had some sort of discussion with them to tell them the reason and when somebody decided to block me they told me why and to be honest with you I think it's very uncouth to just block for no reason and I am not that sort of person

OP posts:
TammyJones · 30/08/2024 07:54

Send the letter then.
But remember - we told you so

Original poster
Flute56 · 30/08/2024 07:58

It means you are too good a person to belittle your own character just to be on the level of someone who is obliviously beneath you.

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 30/08/2024 07:59

Flute56 · 30/08/2024 06:16

Ok so when I try to message this person she hasn't blocked me the custom messages don't go through because all I get is one tick and if the messages go through you get two ticks so I don't know what she's done

You're blocked on WhatsApp.

Why is your obsession about communicating on WhatsApp? Is this an online only friend?

Don't write a letter. Block her number. Delete her contact information and stop obsessing about contacting her. You are both immature and childish with this nonsense behaviour.

Find new friends or spend more time with existing friends that don't cycle through phases or being friends and not being friends. That's what children do.

Original poster
Flute56 · 30/08/2024 07:59

How would you feel if you were suddenly blocked by someone would you be curious to know why

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 30/08/2024 08:02

Just for the record I do have other friends who I don't have these issues with

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 30/08/2024 08:02

@Flute56 You know why. You've said she's a horrid friend. There's your explanation. What more do you want?

Edit to add - grown ups just accept it, move on and stop talking to people who treat them badly.

GCAcademic · 30/08/2024 08:03

Flute56 · 30/08/2024 07:59

How would you feel if you were suddenly blocked by someone would you be curious to know why

That's exactly why she's doing it, to get a reaction from you. Stop playing into her hands.

Original poster
Flute56 · 30/08/2024 08:05

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 30/08/2024 07:59

You're blocked on WhatsApp.

Why is your obsession about communicating on WhatsApp? Is this an online only friend?

Don't write a letter. Block her number. Delete her contact information and stop obsessing about contacting her. You are both immature and childish with this nonsense behaviour.

Find new friends or spend more time with existing friends that don't cycle through phases or being friends and not being friends. That's what children do.

Show quote history

I'm not blocked because if you are blocked then the person's profile photo disappears and her profile photo is still visible

OP posts:
Blackberriesandcobwebs · 30/08/2024 08:07

Life is far too short to waste head space on an immature twit like her. Block permanently and move on. Find other friends who bring positivity to your life.

RampantIvy · 30/08/2024 08:08

Bangs head against a brick wall.

By all means write a letter to her telling her what a horrible friend she is, then deal with the fall out after she has used this letter to turn all your other friends against you.

Come back here and tell us what hapened and get told "we told you so".

DO NOT SEND HER A LETTER

ToriMJ · 30/08/2024 08:10

You're making a big song and dance out of this

Everyone is saying the same advice, and you're ignoring everyone. Why ask for advice?

Block and avoid her like the plague. Does she give a shit about you? I don't think so. When she's being horrible to you and not giving you a chance to stick up for yourself? No she doesn't care about your feelings.
If you feel you absolutely HAVE to say something, just send a WhatsApp saying 'I think it's time we called this friendship to an end as I find it's not working for me. Wish you well for the future' and then block and ignore totally.

Anything other than this is you thriving on the drama and perhaps you need to wonder about that.

GreatMistakes · 30/08/2024 08:13

Mute means you dint get a notification. I do it all the time when a group chat is going bananas nd I'm at work or not planning to attend a meet up and arrangements are being made.

This is a boundary issue. A letter is a bad idea because of you're already bin her shitbook then she isn't receptive to hearing you.

I'd recommend waiting until you next meet up and talking face to face, however awkward. You just need to decide that you will do it and have an opening sentence ready like "it's been so nice to see you, I love spending time with you. I wanted to talk to you about our last spat because .....I don't like it....please change or I will need to step back from our friendship"

At least then you're clear that she knows what's what.

Josette77 · 30/08/2024 08:14

Flute56 · 30/08/2024 08:05

I'm not blocked because if you are blocked then the person's profile photo disappears and her profile photo is still visible

Show quote history

YOU ARE BLOCKED.

It's so weird to me you won't accept this.

The fact you've blocked others before and have been blocked is so weird to me. Sounds like a lot of drama.

BlastedPimples · 30/08/2024 08:18

You owe her nothing.

No explanation. Nothing.

I think you're writing the letter hoping she will say sorry and you will be friends again and all will be well.

It will never be ok.

I guarantee she will sneer and snigger at your letter.

You will look like a desperate fool.

MzHz · 30/08/2024 08:26

@Flute56 kindly, stop this nonsense!

extract yourself from this drama, she’s not your mum, but she is also a very toxic person. You couldn’t change your mum and you won’t change this woman.

walk away and live a better life without toxicity.

choose better for yourself.

Choochoo21 · 30/08/2024 08:28

If you are not blocked then just send her a WhatsApp message or normal message telling her that you’ve put up with her shitty behaviour for too long and you won’t be treated like that any more.

Then block and don’t contact her again.

RampantIvy · 30/08/2024 08:30

Choochoo21 · 30/08/2024 08:28

If you are not blocked then just send her a WhatsApp message or normal message telling her that you’ve put up with her shitty behaviour for too long and you won’t be treated like that any more.

Then block and don’t contact her again.

Bad advice. Just block without engaging. This will come back and bite her.

Choochoo21 · 30/08/2024 08:30

BlastedPimples · 30/08/2024 08:18

You owe her nothing.

No explanation. Nothing.

I think you're writing the letter hoping she will say sorry and you will be friends again and all will be well.

It will never be ok.

I guarantee she will sneer and snigger at your letter.

You will look like a desperate fool.

I think you're writing the letter hoping she will say sorry and you will be friends again and all will be well.

I agree with this.

A letter will just show her how easy you are to treat poorly and still come crawling back.

She isn’t your friend.
Make this the last time you allow yourself to be treated so poorly.

Gillypie23 · 30/08/2024 08:31

She's not your friend. Block her and move on.

Matronic6 · 30/08/2024 08:39

I wouldn't waste a second writing her a letter. She is clearly not going to take any notice of it. You send a much stronger message just blocking her and moving on.

FFSWherearemyglasses · 30/08/2024 08:57

“You say it best when you say nothing at all”

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