Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horrid friend

124 replies

Flute56 · 30/08/2024 05:17

Ive had an on off friendship with someone but i think i need to get rid once and for all. What stops me is that when we get on its like weare best friends untill she finds something to slag me off about. When i try to defend myself she doesnt like it anď closes down her wassap so i cantwassap her. She has done this before and after a few days opens her wassap so i can message again and then she acts like my best friend again. I need to tell her what i think and put my valid point across but cant do it on wassap and so would it be agood idea to weite a letter instead and post it to her. Im not upset but just annoyed. I had a very toxic mother who died and i was free from her and now it seems ive got it again from this friend

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 30/08/2024 06:22

You really don't need to write her letter.

Toxic people like this feed off others trying to communicate with them.

Just block her. Walk away. Never have anything to do with her again.

If you see her in real life life, be polite but distant.

Stop letting her into your life in any way. She will mess up again and again and again. If you let her.

Calamitousness · 30/08/2024 06:25

Who cares what she’s done on WhatsApp. You can never change another person’s behaviour. Only your own. Do not write a letter. Drama for nothing.
just go out and make new friends with nicer people.
forget her. Block if you want or don’t. But do not contact her. Move on.

hopefulnothelpful · 30/08/2024 06:31

Flute56 · 30/08/2024 06:16

Ok so when I try to message this person she hasn't blocked me the custom messages don't go through because all I get is one tick and if the messages go through you get two ticks so I don't know what she's done

She has blocked you - one tick means undelivered so they aren’t going through. If she had muted you, you wouldn’t be able to tell. The messages would go through (two ticks) but she wouldn’t get a notification on her phone.

She is blocking and unblocking you. Just block her, keep her blocked, focus on other friendships and move on!

Josette77 · 30/08/2024 06:31

Unfortunately she has blocked you. You can still see people who've blocked you on Whatsapp, messages just don't go through.

I think I might write a letter just to get it off my chest. You don't have to send it.

Block her, delete her number.

You can't rewrite your relationship with your.toxoc mom through this toxic friendship.

You can only heal by walking away.

Big hugs. xx

Lairymary · 30/08/2024 06:38

Don't bother writing a letter, even if she reads it she won't acknowledge it and that will be just as frustrating. Either block her yourself now or if you feel like you have to have the last word, wait for her to unblock you and tell her the friendship was one-sided and has run it's course and block immediately and show her what it's like to be randomly blocked. It's supposed to be a friendship, she's a bully and in control and it shouldn't be like that. You don't need her.

pictoosh · 30/08/2024 06:54

Don't write her a letter. It won't have the desired effect of making her realise your value and therefore treat you better...she'll just take it as evidence of how important she is to you. She will actually respect you even less.

PulpFaction · 30/08/2024 06:54

Lacdulancelot · 30/08/2024 05:55

No just block her, she’ll understand how you feel when you have no more to do with her.

This. writing letters to these types is just giving them 'supply'.

The sooner you drop these types, the sooner they pull this shit with others. The more that pattern is repeated the more likely people will cop on to them.

Why be on a string for people like this?

ThePrologue · 30/08/2024 06:56

When does term start?

KimKardashiansLostEarring · 30/08/2024 06:56

I need to tell her what i think and put my valid point across

You really really don’t. Don’t waste your time & energy.

IamnotSethRogan · 30/08/2024 07:00

She just isn't reading your messages I don't think.

She's maybe muting you, but there's no way of knowing. Muting just means she doesn't get alerts when you message.

Honestly though I wouldn't waste your time worrying about this and just move on.

Sugarsugarahhoneyhoney · 30/08/2024 07:03

Don't write a letter just walk away,walking away from a toxic person is the best thing you will ever do.

Viviennemary · 30/08/2024 07:04

Flute56 · 30/08/2024 05:17

Ive had an on off friendship with someone but i think i need to get rid once and for all. What stops me is that when we get on its like weare best friends untill she finds something to slag me off about. When i try to defend myself she doesnt like it anď closes down her wassap so i cantwassap her. She has done this before and after a few days opens her wassap so i can message again and then she acts like my best friend again. I need to tell her what i think and put my valid point across but cant do it on wassap and so would it be agood idea to weite a letter instead and post it to her. Im not upset but just annoyed. I had a very toxic mother who died and i was free from her and now it seems ive got it again from this friend

No I don't think it would be a good idea to write a letter. But I can see why you need to tell her what you think of her. Good idea to write it all down but not send. I agree be vague and don't engage with her. You are too busy with other things,

Lunab18 · 30/08/2024 07:07

OP she is playing games with you and she will be enjoying knowing that you can’t message her on WhatsApp and that you’ll be tying yourself in knots wondering if she has blocked you.
Think about what you want to happen if you do write her a letter. Do you expect her to apologise or change her behaviour? It’s very unlikely either of them things will happen, you will just be further into her game playing.
Please walk away from this toxic person and realise that they are not a friend and you deserve so much better.

Pandasnacks · 30/08/2024 07:08

If she deletes WhatsApp you can still text her. But it's irrelevant, a 'horrid' friend isn't a friend and she clearly loves drama so no letter needed, it will just give her what she wants. Block and move on with your life.

RampantIvy · 30/08/2024 07:15

Block her on WhatsApp and all other platforms.

Writing a letter might be cathartic for you but under no circumstances must you send it to her. Destroy or delete the letter and have nothing more to do with her.

Greytulips · 30/08/2024 07:16

Why are you so invested in a dead relationship? What do you hope to gain here?

Writing a letter means she can show the world how awful you are to her and she’ll justify her behaviour - so why bother?

Imanontoday · 30/08/2024 07:19

Please don’t write a letter op. She doesn’t want to know and if she’s blocking you or whatever she doesn’t want to hear from you. Just block and move on.

Groovee · 30/08/2024 07:23

Write the letter to get it out of your system. Then destroy it. Block her number on your phone and WhatsApp and move on with life. She won't listen to a thing you try to say.

newnamethanks · 30/08/2024 07:33

Just delete her. Any 'explanation' from you will simply lead to a long and unnecessary to and fro between you about character and whose 'fault' whatever is. Life's too short. Ditch her and move on.

mrssunshinexxx · 30/08/2024 07:35

Less you say the more they think.
Block and delete

Original poster
Flute56 · 30/08/2024 07:36

Ages ago she said to me I never block anybody on WhatsApp because people who block have no self-control and then she went on to say if I don't want to talk to somebody I just ignore them I don't block

OP posts:
TammyJones · 30/08/2024 07:38

Greydays3 · 30/08/2024 05:26

Delete her number and do not reply to her again.
You have replaced your toxic mother with a toxic friend.
You know ehat you have to do.
Stop engaging with her.

Yep
You're repeating a pattern
It's totally normal but unhealthy
Block her.

jammybuscuits · 30/08/2024 07:40

This is manipulation, as she is talking to you on her terms; effectively a power game.

Cut her off and do not engage at all when she comes back to you.

Original poster
Flute56 · 30/08/2024 07:42

Yes I see your point but I feel I need to give a reason for blocking I mean if you had a boyfriend and you wanted to split with him he wouldn't just split with no reason you to have to tell him why wouldn't you because I wouldn't like someone to just blocked me for no reason I'd need to know why they decided to block me and then after finding out the reason if that's what they want to do I'd be okay with that I'd say well you've given me the reason that's fair enough but I think everybody whoever they are deserves an explanation

OP posts:
Original poster
Flute56 · 30/08/2024 07:44

This friend of mine had another friend who didn't want anything to do with her so she wrote to her on her message and said I'm going through some personal things I don't think I should have any more contact with you for the time being please can you not contact me and that was about a year ago but at least that person told her she could have just blocked her and then my friend would be left wondering why has she blocked me and as I said I would not like someone to just block me without some sort of explanation because whatever this friend of mine has done I'm not stupid to her level I'm going to do the right thing and explain why I'm blocking her and then block her

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread