Child not invited to partners brothers wedding.

[SEA2508]

’ve been with my partner for 4 years. He has a child and so do I both from previous relationships. His brother is getting married and myself, my partner and his child are invited but my child isn’t. We have met plenty of times, gone on holidays together and always felt accepted by all his family so this has come as a bit of a shock. There are lots of other children attending the wedding. Would anyone else be annoyed by this, or am I overthinking it?

Don't take it personally. You are going as your DP's plus one, so it would make sense that a plus one doesn't get to take their child. Sorry, I know that's blunt, and it's a shame, but there has to be a cut off somewhere in a wedding.

Two threads seems rather unnecessary, to be honest.

Do you live together? I think it's a bit mean but MN has weird views on stepchildren.

This reply is also unnecessary. I actually removed the other one thinking it would be more relevant under AIBU.

He’s invited his family. Your partner’s child is his niece or nephew, your child isn’t. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like your child or anything, just that they are restricting invitations to family (probably for financial reasons).

Not everyone can be invited to a wedding; lines get drawn. That’s the line for this one.

How old is your DC?

That's incredibly mean and I would be so upset in your position.

There's been a few threads on MN about similar situations to yours OP.
Yes I do think, given what you say about the length of time you've been together and the fact your child is generally accepted as one of the family, it is very mean of them not to invite your child.

It's funny how weddings, in theory, should be joyful occasions but they seem to be a never ending source of unhappiness, resentment and drama.

9!

Do you live together @SEA2508? If you don't then I think it's probably reasonable that your DC isn't invited but if you live together as a family then to be honest its pretty shit and I think I'd be well pissed off and wouldn't go.
What does your partner think about it?

You haven't responded on the other thread - so, old is your DC and what kind of relationship does your DC have with your partner? Do you all live together?

On the other thread you said it's immediate family only, and here you've said there will be loads of kids. If there's a lot of nieces and nephews and your partner isn't in a stepparent role with your DC then they may have felt that was a reasonable place to draw the line.

More information needed I think. Do you live together? Do the two kids live together? If so how long has that been the case? Full time or just EOW or similar?

If the two kids live together and are effectively growing up together as siblings then it does seem a bit mean to invite one and not the other (assuming brother knows they live together).

If however you don’t live together and/or the two kids don’t see each other much, I think it’s very reasonable to treat “my nephew” differently from “my brother’s partner’s child”.

Yes we do. I have said I won’t be attending on the basis of not being able to find child care, rather than because my DC isn’t invited.
My partner is annoyed, but understandably doesn’t want to cause a rift, particularly not before the wedding.

I'd be upfront and ask why is my son not invited please and I also would not attend without him.
If you won't ask make your partner, but don't attend without your child I'd be furious

I’m always appalled by this exclusion of a child when the other/ others is/are invited. Your DD is part of your household- there’s no way she wouldn’t be invited if I was the host. Petty and pathetic.

I certainly don't think its kind if all other children are going.
Wise not to go.
Also perhaps wise to reflect do you wish to remain involved with such a family.

I would think it very unfair to remain involved with such a family if your child is your priority.

Your partner has made his position clear at least.

I would do the same as you, DH should go with your/his son but you stay away.

Sorry but I think it's mean to leave a kid out like that

its a wedding and children disrupt weddings or there have been many omg moments, in the news etc why would anyone take the chance on their special day ?

Nooooo. It’s still there under Weddings.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/wedding/5153739-my-child-is-not-invited-to-partners-siblings-wedding

This child’s 9, not 2.

Does your child live with your ex and only lives with you on weekends?
It sounds you and new partner, your child and his are all living together as a family unit- is that correct?
All I can say is to advocate for your family as 1 family unit. My DH grew up in a similar situation with a step and half sibling as a child. To this day, 50yrs on- it is very much them and him. He wasn't invited to specific weddings, celebrations and events and that has carried on to this day. The other siblings were given money, days out and special things in front of my DH as a child. They all lived together as 1, family unit! I partly blame his mum for allowing the disparity to start when DH was very young and never stopping it.

I'd decline and stay home with my child.

I'd do the same, I wouldn't want my child to think I was a part of a family that he wasn't.

It's horrible not to invite your child. I really don't understand why people can be so mean

I think this is totally reasonable. I’d be upset too, and you aren’t picking a fight about it, just refusing to attend a family event where families are invited when your child isn’t invited. Fair enough.