Child not invited to partners brothers wedding.

[SEA2508]

’ve been with my partner for 4 years. He has a child and so do I both from previous relationships. His brother is getting married and myself, my partner and his child are invited but my child isn’t. We have met plenty of times, gone on holidays together and always felt accepted by all his family so this has come as a bit of a shock. There are lots of other children attending the wedding. Would anyone else be annoyed by this, or am I overthinking it?

That's awful your child hasn't been invited, I'd be really hurt at this (and I'm one who is all for bride and groom inviting who they want to for a wedding!!!) But if other kids are going as well as your partners child, that's really cruel

I think its ott to expect someone to boycott their own brother's wedding because their girlfriend's child hadn't been invited. Wife's child, perhaps, but not girlfriend's.

Yes the bride and groom can do what they want but they are not free from judgment for it.

There actions will impact family relations in the future.

@DreamW3aver

"Please don't do that, it's incredibly rude. The B and G can invite who they like, they don't have to give explanations for their choices.

The OP has decided not to go which is totally reasonable and she can also choose how close to be with the couple in the future"

Having a wedding doesn't mean you get a free pass to be rude to people you know and they can't answer you. What kind of entitlement do you think wedding couples have that they can do whatever they like, cause any upset and everyone has to worry about being rude to them?

It's rude of them and thoughtless. Your DH should have a word.

Why? Just because people want to blend families does not mean everyone will invite everyone

And this 'have a word' because I don't get what I want is not fair on people who are entitled to invite who they want

YANBU it seems like you are relatively close with them (going on holiday together etc) so imo it seems pretty unkind of them not to include your DS. You will now never feel quite the same about them again now you know they don’t accept him as part of the family, If he was an older teen or you hardly knew them then I would say it was fair enough not to invite him.

When I got married I gave my brothers partners children the option of coming, the eldest was welcome but didn’t want to cone(fair enough) the younger one(Ishe would have been 10) came along.

I think you are doing the right thing by not going. Don’t make a fuss just cite childcare if anyone asks.

Never known anyone do this! 😂

Marriage in 2024 is a nice party but does not define family relationships.

Your DP should be asking "why have you only invited one of our children?"

If he won't then he is the problem.

Is this an indicator that his family don't see you as a family unit?

And I would reply 'we invite who we want'

You live together, if I was your partner's family I would think of your child as family.

YADNBU.
I think they're really mean. I definitely would not attend, and I'd let them know why. Horrid people.

@Edingril

"And I would reply 'we invite who we want'"

Ok but then you impact the relationship with your relatives.

That's really mean to exclude a child.

And it is an exclusion.

Do you know it was an intentional exclusion and not an oversight?

That's not actually a reply to the question though. The question is asking what the reason is for wanting to invite only one child.

(Out of all the childish responses on MN, answering "why did someone do X?" with "because they wanted to!! Simples!" has to be the most moronic. Yes, we understand they wanted to. We understand they chose to. We understand it's legal. We understand it's a "free country". That's a given. )

if you are a family unit and it's not a child free wedding, I just wouldn't go. I think it's a shit move. Good that you stand up for your child, op

are you 10 or what?

Well personally I would have invited everyone but just because I would have does not mean I expect others too

But if anyone questioned me on what decisions we had for our wedding that did not meet their demands in return I would act 10 or even 5

This 'you need to answer to me' is childish

In your circumstances this is well out of order and you’ve every right to be upset.
When is the wedding?
If you are all normally “pally” and socialise together your RSVP that you won’t be going may surprise them? …. See what happens

Does your child refer to the bride and groom as her aunty/uncle? Have your partner’s family ever referred to your child as their grandchild/niece? Does your partner refer to your daughter as his step daughter?

Being upset that your child isn’t invited but your partners child is, is an unfair comparison. One child is quite literally their niece/nephew, the other is the child of their brother’s partner - it is hardly the same thing.

You can be hurt/upset and you can let it guide how you treat your partners family going forward, but you don’t get to guilt people to invite extra guests to a wedding when you yourself are a plus one at best.

Accept the invite and find a babysitter, or decline and stay with your child.

So many women on Mumsnet say they'd say this sort of thing.

Also there are loads of quite sad threads from people who say they don't have any friends.

Wonder if there's a link.

That could easily be it. Perhaps get partner to ask if they meant to exclude DC?

I think in this circumstance it kind of does, actually. Once married, a partner's child becomes a stepchild and has been consciously taken into the extended family. Leaving them out of the wedding would be awful.

The spectrum from just started dating to marriage is so wide, particularly when it comes to each other's children and the relationship a new partner has with them.

@BarbaraHoward

Stepchild has no legal status in this country though. Only if parental responsibility is transferred.