Child not invited to partners brothers wedding.

[SEA2508]

’ve been with my partner for 4 years. He has a child and so do I both from previous relationships. His brother is getting married and myself, my partner and his child are invited but my child isn’t. We have met plenty of times, gone on holidays together and always felt accepted by all his family so this has come as a bit of a shock. There are lots of other children attending the wedding. Would anyone else be annoyed by this, or am I overthinking it?

In a similar situation I was the bride. At that stage I'd only met the DB's DP's children once though they had been together a couple of years. We invited them. DB was (step)parenting these children, of course they were welcome at our wedding. The only other children we had at our wedding were our own nieces and nephews and we very much considered them as much part of the family as blood relatives.

The DC live together and due to their ages that does become a sibling relationship. I think it's horribly selfish especially as it seems like other children are invited.

There's a line to be drawn but in this instance it shouldn't be leaving a 9 year old kiddie on the wrong side of it.

I wouldn't bother and that will just cause a rift and conflict before the wedding. They have every right to refuse to invite him and she has every right to refuse to go and stay with her child (same decision I would make in her shoes), but she doesn't need to make it an issue because it get turned on her that she's disrupting their wedding etc. a simple I can't make it, DH and her other child will be there, simple.

Children distort weddings so their invite their brother's child and exclude the stepchild, try again. Both children love together and are being raised together as siblings so the issue is excluding the stepchild not kids disputing weddings. This is a child they have know for a few years now, lives and is being brought up by the grooms brother, they've gone on holidays together, no excuse it is just mean and ridiculous.

If the grooms brother adopts a child will that child be excised and treated differently for the rest of his or her life by the father's family? For me I would accept that child into the family and treat him or her the same not exclude and treat differently. But somehow when it comes to weddings it seems to be fine to make such stupid short sighted decisions that have long lasting impact on family members.

If I was in a long term committed relationship and myself and my child had a good relationship with his family, I'd be hurt that my child isn't important enough to be included. It just feels really petty. How much extra is one child going to cost? I wouldn't go.

I also probably wouldn't say anything as it never ends well but I think I would distance myself abit.

I wouldn't go either.

As the PP said I wouldn't say anything, but I would distance myself.

You live together and your DP is your child's step parent. This is not a new relationship where they have never met your DC.

Please don't do that, it's incredibly rude. The B and G can invite who they like, they don't have to give explanations for their choices.

The OP has decided not to go which is totally reasonable and she can also choose how close to be with the couple in the future

I think it’s strange… how old is your child? Ask your partner to speak to your brother.

This is quite mean of bil and sil especially as you've all socialised together & go on holidays etc. Your child has known him & your partner's family for several years without issues. Your child is older (9yrs) & other children are invited so it's not a completely child free wedding.

This does appear to be a deliberate exclusion for whatever reason which you're under no obligation to attend. I would decline on the basis of not finding childcare & leave it at that.

Yeah I'm with this.

The worst 'disruptions' I've seen at weddings have all been from adults - puking, fighting, fucking, cheating on their significant others. I guess adults shouldn't attend weddings then. The worst thing I've ever seen a child do is be noisy, which did not prevent a legal marriage from being contracted.

I think the bride and groom are doing exactly the right thing as it's their wedding.

However, I think your boyfriend, by going, is showing you that he doesn't feel you are all a family unit and I would be thinking long and hard about this current boyfriend and our relationship. This sort of discrimination of children is really not on, if you married this boyfriend and your child becomes his step child would they still leave him out. These are questions that need answering now to influence how to conduct future relationships with your boyfriend's family.

I know it shouldn't matter but I think because you've been with him 4 years and he's a DP and not a DH is possible they've used that as a line in the sand. So as a pp said YOU'RE a plus one. Plus ones don't bring their kids.

Possibly they are also thinking of photos as an adult it's easy for you to accept they won't want you in all the family photos in case you split up. It's going to be much harder for your kid to hear No, we just want the family children

As above - you’re the plus one. If you were married then excluding your child would be treating (step) siblings differently and would be horrendous. But you’ve referred to DP not DH so I assume you’re not married and therefore your children aren’t siblings and perhaps this is how the bride and groom are viewing it.

Having said that, I can see why you’d stay home.

Just because they can invite who they want to their wedding, doesn’t mean those choices can’t be deemed unreasonable. The OP already knows the last part and has decided not to attend the wedding, but (or my interpretation is) she was surprised not to receive an invitation for her child, was upset they weren’t included, and wants to know if people think the original decision was reasonable or not. Personally I think not inviting OP’s child was pretty poor form. It’s their prerogative not to of course as it’s their wedding, but the feeling of OP’s child being left out will probably go further than the one wedding if hurt has been caused.

Perfectly reasonable not to invite your child, weddings are expensive and your child it not family. Wpuld your child even want to go to a wedding of someone who is basically nothing to them? Mine wouldnt!

Just because you've blended doesn't mean all your relatives have to. I would not expect my children to be included in any of DPs family events and happily send DP alone.

Absolute nonsense marriage changes nothing in terms of this situation,

What a strange old fashioned idea

It could even be that the family don't know how "blended" you are as a unit so are erring on the side of caution

How's your relationship with your DP? Is it possible they think it's not going to last?

@Tiredofthewhirring a lot of people look at whether people are married or not when it comes to aspects of wedding invites. A wedding itself is “old fashioned”, and by definition the bride and groom respect the institution of marriage, so I think it’s understandable in the circumstances. I’m not saying I’d split up a family like this, just pointing out it’s how some people will draw a line, old fashioned or not.