To not know how to drive?

[whatawickedgame]

That's kind of it really.

I grew up in a city, I live in a city with great transport links and 10 mins away by train to a massive city. DH drives. I have had lots of lessons and got to the point where I 'could' drive but I was crying whilst driving in every lesson, it terrified me, so stopped. AIBU to not get my licence? DH doesn't mind doing the driving.

Obviously you don't have to drive if you'd rather not. Might be an issue if you ever have to or choose to move away from your current urban setting with good transport links. Your DH might not always be able to drive, too.

Were you learning in a manual or an automatic?

I think it’s a life skill and wouldn’t marry anyone who couldn’t drive- I’m no one’s taxi. But hey no crime in not learning.

I did until a year ago. I don't have a job as a SAHM.

Get a new instructor and persevere imo. I had crippling driving anxiety for 8 years so know exactly how you feel but am SO glad I got over it and can now drive no problem. It's life changing. Dont give up.

In a manual. The thing about doing the automatic only licence is that our car is a manual one.

My mum can drive, but she slowly let my DF take over doing a lot of things in her life, all the driving included.
When he died a few years back she really struggled to start driving again.

There may well come a point where for some reason DH isn't around to drive for you. Only you know if not driving will be an issue then.

This isn’t big or clever, nobody’s going to read this and be amused by your comment so I’m not sure why you took the time out of your day to be so unkind to someone. Hope you find something more productive to do soon.

To second a previous poster it really is your instructor who can make the difference. I would give it another go. You might find you have lots more freedom. I think if you were comfortable in this decision you maybe wouldn’t post on here? Only you know what you want, but you can do it if it’s something you want to achieve! Good luck.

My mum never got on with driving so never got her licence. Dad did all the driving until he developed a medical condition that meant he can't.
She's now developed osteoarthritis, walks everywhere or gets the bus and is in massive amounts of pain and has been for years. Had she driven the wear and tear on her knees wouldhave been less.

I think that you're right re the post. Dh doesn't mind at all but I feel that maybe I'm not being mature enough about the situation. I genuinely had panic attacks in each lesson where I was 'properly' driving, so I'm not sure if I should persevere or just settle for DH (who's happy to drive) and public transport.

My first instructor was terrible. Shouted at me for getting my right and left mixed up ( I have dyslexia and dysbraxia not that it matters)

I got a new instructor who was great, really patient and supportive and he got me there after a couple failed attempts. I've now been driving years and am very confident.

I grew up in Dublin and if I never moved to a more rural town I probably wouldn't have bothered. I have friends in London who have never driven.

@NattyBiscuit so the first thing you did when open this thread was search my username? I now live in a city. Even if I didn't, why do you care? And yes, DH is their stepfather, so what?

Your current car is a manual but there's no reason why the next one couldn't be an automatic. You might find that you can relax a bit more when driving an automatic because there is less to coordinate and no danger of stalling, wrong gear, rolling back on a hill etc etc.

I mean, it depends if in theory you WANT to drive?

If you do, then look into it, talk to friends to get recommendations for a kind and patient instructor. As it really does make a world of difference.

I started lessons at 17, but had some horrific, angry man as my instructor, he used to scream at me for getting things wrong and even slapped my hand if I crossed my hands on the steering wheel. He made me a nervous wreck and after three lessons said I should learn automatic.

I quit learning and didn't learn again until I was 25. This time, I found a lovely instructor. He was patience personified and had a very gentle manner in how he conducted himself. I failed my first test as nerves got the better of me, but quickly booked a new test and passed with flying colours, aged 26, in a manual car.

Where I live, you NEED a car, so having that freedom of not relying on public transport and others was amazing.

What scares you? Would learning automatic help? Or maybe some hypnotherapy? My best mate has a licence, but is a nervous driver. She had some hypnotherapy and it genuinely helped her.

If you want to learn, go for it and learn at a pace and with an instructor that you're comfortable with.

Good luck.

@NattyBiscuit
Sorry but, you are fucking strange, why does it matter if her husband is her children's step father? Why are you stalking her threads?
You are a weirdo 😬

I don’t see why people make such a big deal about being able to drive. As long as you can live your life ok and not demand lifts off others, who cares?

My husband and I and our uni kids can all drive and it’s useful. But we also get public transport. Don’t pressurise yourself. We don’t need anxious nervous drivers on the road!

I was sort of in this position, except I had got my licence, but never driven since. I know that fear though.

Trust me, even if you stay as a SAHM, once your kids reach the age of activities and playdates it’s going to be a PITA not to drive.

I now drive. I don’t love it, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing a long journey alone, but short journeys no longer scare me.

The more you do it, the more the fear recedes. A dashboard phone holder and google maps with the spoken directions helps a lot, I find. So does an automatic- I will probably never drive a manual ever again.

Make yourself do it, it’s worth it.

Ignore them, they’ve nothing better to do and that’s obvious to everyone else reading

That would be wise. It is up to the OP's Husband if he wishes to have the burden of driving all the time. Driving is really not for everybody, if a person is crying from fear behind the wheel, I personally would rather they did not bother.