To not know how to drive?

[whatawickedgame]

That's kind of it really.

I grew up in a city, I live in a city with great transport links and 10 mins away by train to a massive city. DH drives. I have had lots of lessons and got to the point where I 'could' drive but I was crying whilst driving in every lesson, it terrified me, so stopped. AIBU to not get my licence? DH doesn't mind doing the driving.

@NattyBiscuit did. Not now. Want my address while we're here?

How good is public transport if you need to get DC or DH to A&E?

I had to get my DH to A&E recently (man cave mishap) and was bleeding buckets. I bundled him into the car and drove there. He was being stitched up within an hour. Ambulance wait times were averaging over three hours by comparison.

There’s a lot of jealousy on Mumsnet…maybe people are upset that your DH as not even the father of your kids cares so much as to help with driving. Not trying to be a bitch, but this is the way it comes across. That’s not your issue OP.

As far as driving is concerned, I really hate it, passed at age 39 on automatic. Don’t drive as DH has a massive car and I want a little one but it’s too expensive, still I’ve got my licence in case I need it. Automatic really is easier, any chance DH can change to automatic?

Nobody even minds, this is really bizarre!

Can't drive either. I tried 3 times and then I had no money left. I'm glad I didn't get a driver's license, although lol with a carriage bike and 4 kids in it and a flat tire in the snow wasn't that great, but at least it was safe. Sometimes I bike, my mind drifts off and then whoop there's all of a sudden a car. Goodness. What do you want? Are you first? Am I first? Bit dangerous with a car I think.

I can't drive. Never needed to so never bothered, I don't want the expense of a car either - insurance, MOT, petrol etc would cost far more than my £2 bus journey into work twice a week (I wfh 3 days a week).

I don't need a car for my lifestyle however - I am a single parent and have nobody to take me to places, so I planned my life around this.

If your dh is fine with driving then no problem, but if anything happened then would you be able to manage without him driving you? I think it's important not to rely on someone else for a car purely for your own independence.

I would agree it will be a PITA when your kids are older, especially as often activities clash.

My mum doesn’t drive. As a child/teen I was embarrassed and often missed out on things. Eg, if an activity was too far away to easily/quickly walk we didn’t go, such as swimming lessons. It would have been 5/10 min in the car, but 25/30 min walking. It was too much to do in an evening with a younger sibling in tow, so we didn’t do it. There was one after school hobby I did but another parent had to always give me lifts (my dad was working so not back in time). Similar with play dates. Unless the other parent could drive me home I couldn’t go (at usual play date end time of 530/630pm my sibling was having dinner, so it wasn’t feasible to be walking 20/30 min each way to collect me).

I would also concur with other posters re old age. My dad devastatingly passed away completely unexpectedly. My mum now has mobility issues. I try and help as much as I can but with my own family, working part time and living 30+ min away depending on traffic, I can’t always help. Whilst I’m sure she understands that, I do feel guilty that sometimes she’s having to walk- bus-walk etc.

@NattyBiscuit suburb of city if we're being specific. Not replying to your posts anymore.

I'd get a new instructor, get recommendations from other people, keep going until you pass . E ven if you never drive you will have the licence to fall back on if in the future you need it

I can drive, my dad taught me. I don’t have a license and have never had any formal lessons so legally I cannot drive (and I do not). I also live in a city with great public transportation ect. I will say the fact I know how to gives me peace of mind that 1) if it was ever an emergency I could drive (even tho it would be illegal, very naughty I know. Lock me up.) and 2) if I ever want to move away from the city or the public transportation gets shit, I can just take the test and I won’t need to do lessons (maybe one or two to make sure I’m confident). In this day and age, I don’t think you “need” to drive, but it is a good skill to have. I will also say I’ve always been driven around by partners and my older siblings so maybe I never had the desire to drive like a lot of young people have.

You need to get another instructor and learn. Being dependent on someone else to drive yourself and your kids around is putting real limitations on you and unfair pressure on them - and who's to say your DH is always going to be there to drive you?
Driving is a basic life skill. Most people don't really enjoy it - I certainly don't - but I learned because, after growing up in a household where my own mum couldn't drive, I didn't want the same limitations and the same having to say no to so many playdates/clubs/holiday activities for my kids.

To be fair, I’m glad you don’t drive too if you can’t concentrate on the road 😂

It isn't for everyone. I had a friend who never "got" it, she had loads of lessons and failed the test 4 times, accepted that she hated it and gave up.
Better to decide not to be a driver than to be a nervous, not very safe one.

@whatawickedgame I would hate it if I could not drive!! passed when i was 30 and still going at 70. good driver. one accident and the other drivers fault. need a car where I live. it will change your life if you could drive/ give it another few chances, if you can. get your instructor to take you to quieter areas, car parks etc till you get used to the feel of driving a car again. some people take to it naturally and some have to really work at it. my daughter passed three weeks after her 17th birthday in a manual car.

Oh no you don't drive and you're a SAHM.
The pitchforks are coming.😂

I have dyspraxia, can't tell my left from right and I'd get lost in a lift. I deemed it an important life skill so booked lessons. I passed my test first time within 3 months. I wouldn't date anyone who couldn't drive. Excuses of 'oh the public transport is great' is very short sighted.

It's not a basic life skill though, as many people get through life fine without it.

I drive everywhere as public transport is dire. I have got an age where I recognise going forward that I need to live somewhere where there are better transport links. I currently live in a Village where you can't get out of the Village after 5pm on a Saturday - no Sunday or Bank Holiday services. Taxi services are really expensive - £15 to the railway station - which is 2.5 miles away.

I passed my test on the second attempt at 21,but then didn't drive much after that because I didn't need to.

When I met DH he did all the driving, so basically I got so out of practice I almost couldn't drive anymore. In the end I did a refresher course and got going again.

I must admit, if we are travelling a long way on motorways DH still does most of it, but I can and do take a turn. It doesn't seem fair otherwise.

In your case I assume your DH is always the designated driver on a night out, which doesn't sound very fair.

I got fed up about not having a driving licence even after having a motor
cycling one. So I did a two week or maybe it was four intensive course and and that did the trick.
I was afeared but the daily driving helped so much with a qualified instructor

I find it really bizarre that people wouldn't date someone who doesn't /can't drive- why does it matter so much?

I took ages to pass my test and numerous attempts (its the only thing in my life that ive ever failed) and I can safely say that it hasn't changed my life in anyway.
I've never had to drive to work - i did at one stage have a job where i drove to the station in the morning but even then i couldn't always be bothered- would cycle /walk/get the bus- especially if i was going out. I have done some ferrying kids around but to be honest if you don't drive you choose your activities differently or plan better. And its even easier now a days with the availability of Ubers

You don't necessarily need a designated driver on a night out, I always get a taxi or bus. Nobody I know drives to a night out, even the ones who drive. But then we have decent public transport.

@Anxiouswaffle because different places might require it, realistically?

Like @Gunz i live in a village on the outskirts of a small town. We’re in the south east, a lot of people commute into London-it’s not exactly remote. There is a poor bus service. It goes to the local railway station in one direction, about 2.5/3 miles away, once per hour (but is regularly late and you’d miss your train if you were banking on it being on time. I know this because DH initially thought he’d use it to get to the station. It was so unreliable he gave up and drove. He biked for a bit but I hated it because I felt it not safe as he was travelling when dark. The road is 50mph but people speed a lot and it’s unlit, and no pavement).

If you wanted to go into the local town, or say had a hospital appointment you would have to bus it to the station (knowing it is regularly 30/40 min late and on occasion just doesn’t turn up), then walk into town, 20/25 min, and then onto the hospital, another 10 min…. You’d have to leave so far in advance to account for travel time and delays… for a journey that’s barely 15 min in the car.

The other direction it goes through all the villages. It takes 1.5hrs to do a journey that normally takes 25 min- my DS used it occasionally to visit his friend. Fine for the occasional visit for a teen in the holidays. Would be absolutely useless to use it to commute to work.

The big supermarkets deliver here. But you can’t call an Uber- they won’t come out to the village. You can get an Uber home from the station, but like a previous poster, it’s about £15.

We have a few village shops so we’re not completely isolated, you’d be ok if you had an illness/injury and couldn’t drive for a week or so and had to make do, but for day to day life here, you realistically need to drive or rely on someone who does.

There is no way I would get into a relationship with someone who didn’t drive whilst living in a place like this because I would have to take on all the driving. Even distances that you might otherwise walk are unsafe to do so all the roads leading in and out of the village are all country lanes- national speed limit, no pavements, no lighting. For kids activities etc, everything involes a car journey.

@CompletelyLost24 but i wouldn't choose to live there (for many reasons) -i hate the idea of living somewhere where driving is a necessity.

if you met someone who lived in the local town- would you expect them to share driving because you have chosen to live in a village?