WIBU to take one DC but not the other?

[RealHousewivesOfTaunton]

14yo DS is going into year 10 and is studying rainforests as part of his upcoming Geography GCSE. I'd really like to take him on a trip to Borneo next summer so he can see the effects of deforestation, palm plantations etc.

However, I don't want to take 11yo DD. 1) It's expensive and a study tour more than a holiday. 2) It would be nice to do something with just DS before he heads off into independence.

We're going on a nice family holiday next year so she won't be going without. I'll also explain to her that this is for DS's GCSEs and I will do an equivalent trip with her when she's the same age. By the time she gets to that stage, DS will hopefully be at university and so wouldn't be coming on a study trip with his little sister.

Is this a reasonable plan or am I being unfair?

Is dd staying at home with her dad? I assume that he’s a good caregiver.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable as long as your h isn’t the one who’d rather take ds. Have you considered having dd take a trip with dh to somewhere that matches her interests ?

Ha, I doubt there are many year 10s who will be undertaking a field trip to Borneo in prep for their Geography GCSE, so I think 'study trip' is probably stretching it a bit.
I mean, if you are already having to justify it that way, it might be that you are anticipating DD to feel left out.

It's OK not to do exactly the same things with your kids, but be prepared for 'Borneo-gate' to be brought up as a stick to beat you with when she's 14 and stroppy and everything is unfair.

As long as you actually do go on a similar trip with her in a few years I can't see the issue. But it'd have to be somewhere just as exotic and extravagant so they can't see any favouritism.

I'm more trying to sell it to DH in my head 😁Our local school actually is running a Geography GCSE trip to Borneo for their Year 10's. DS goes to the other school but knows all about it! We're not in a wealthy area so eyebrows have been raised.

DH is perfectly capable of looking after DD for a week and would probably be the one to take DD when. We'd be heading straight off on our family holiday two days after we get back anyway.

I have an investment cashing out in 3 years' time so if anything DD will probably have the cushier trip.

Are you sure you're taking him fully for the educational value or that you'd prefer to go on holiday with just him? What if he studies the Hawaiian volcanoes for A Levels- will that then trump what your daughter is studying as his a levels are more important?

If it's a favourite child thing and not a 'this is essential to GCSES' thing you'll probably find a reason not to take your daughter in a few years.

I mean, there's a difference if is school cohort and peers going on a trip together - I imagine that would be an easier sell to your DD (and DH) because you can always promise a 'yes' to whatever school trip she is offered.

What if the rainforest question doesn't even come up. Or he flunks the exam.

Will you be wailing "but we took you to Borneo?!" on results day?

If you can afford it then go for it. I am sure DD will also be studying something that would lead to a nice 1 to 1 trip too.

I may be more inclined to wait until A level studies though.

Let's talk about deforestation kids! And let's fly across the world for no reason whatsoever while we do it!

(In case you wondered, yes I think YABVU but not for the question you asked)

As long as she gets a similar opportunity based on her likes at the same age I think it sounds great.

Personally I would take them both. If it's going to benefit his education it will benefit hers. She doesn't need to be sitting an exam to learn something.
Also it's an amazing holiday. I'd have been so upset if my parents did that when I was a kid.

You want to fly him half way around the world to show him environmental damage?

YABU

I'm sure there's different ways of doing the trip but when I went it was a really hard slog, very physical. Not something I'd like to undertake with children really.

Also not sure you can justifiably package it as an eco thing when you're circumnavigating the planet in an airplane to do it.

Fine to take one child, the the other at a similar age, but don't pretend it's educational. Rainforests exist elsewhere including here in the U.K., temperate rainforest, I live in one!

This. Completely absurd . You do understand how damaging flying is for the environment right?

I’m a Geography teacher. Lovely for enrichment and connecting with the world and his subject but 100% not necessary for exam success. Lots of fabulous YouTube documentaries, or a trip to the Natural History museum would suffice :)

Oh come on. You don’t need to go all the way to Borneo for a geography GCSE trip. And you would be contributing to environmental damage like others have said, on your way to observe the environmental damage which seems very contradictory. I personally wouldn’t take one of my kids on an amazing holiday while leaving the other at home- you’re just going to breed resentment.

FWIW, DD hated Costa Rica a couple of years ago: too many insects and long days. She'd be 3 years older next year but her idea of an amazing holiday is still an AI with a nice pool.

I'm not going to pretend to have any eco credentials where travel's concerned. We go on many flights every year, for holidays and work.

I'll remember "But we took you to Borneo! 😭" for results day 2026! I'm sure it's not essential for exam success, but DS's study habits are firmly on the casual side so I'm hopefully getting some learning in by osmosis.

I think it’s fine to take him on a solo trip as long as your daughter gets one too. Which you’ve said she will!

Are they definitely studying those topics?

DS went to Porthcawl and some local ish sand dunes for his Geography field work. He still passed with an A*

This actually has to be the most batshit plan I've ever heard of - if I was spending that kind of money on a trip it would be one for the whole family, not just half.

NBU as long as you do the same for her.

It's healthy for children to learn they can wait and work hard for things, they also don't need treats at the same time.

It sounds like a gloriously wonderful bonding time for you both and will be a cherished memory as he embarks on adulthood.

I guess it gives them something to discuss later in life when they claim you had a favourite child. No, I wouldn’t do this and having had dd just finish her geography GCSE, a trip to Borneo isn’t going to help much. Maybe get a tutor if you’re that passionate.

I'd love to visit Borneo and it’s on my list but choosing one dc and trying to justify it with a ridiculous reason is a no from me.

I'd do it.

GCSE field trip to Borneo?? Blimey....