WIBU to take one DC but not the other?

[RealHousewivesOfTaunton]

14yo DS is going into year 10 and is studying rainforests as part of his upcoming Geography GCSE. I'd really like to take him on a trip to Borneo next summer so he can see the effects of deforestation, palm plantations etc.

However, I don't want to take 11yo DD. 1) It's expensive and a study tour more than a holiday. 2) It would be nice to do something with just DS before he heads off into independence.

We're going on a nice family holiday next year so she won't be going without. I'll also explain to her that this is for DS's GCSEs and I will do an equivalent trip with her when she's the same age. By the time she gets to that stage, DS will hopefully be at university and so wouldn't be coming on a study trip with his little sister.

Is this a reasonable plan or am I being unfair?

It’s not a once in a life time trip that he’s getting that she’s being deprived of. It’s an affordable trip relevant to his interests, and you’re quite happy to take her on an equivalent one suited to hers. I don’t see the problem.

My brother and I used to have family holidays, but also ones where one went and the other didn’t. No issues whatsoever.

Can your DP take DD away somewhere the same week?

I think they’re both missing out a bit on having an understanding of travelling and countries, do you fly into a resort and they think that’s the whole country? I can’t believe that someone would want to go to Borneo but think Hawaii would hold no interest? Maybe they could go somewhere a bit out of their comfort zones and become a bit more well rounded?

I think it’s absolutely fine. We have shock horror taken one DC away without the other too (holiday too). My DC were perfectly fine with it, and it all equals out. You’ll be offering a similar experience for your other DC so I think you should do it. DC grow up so quickly, capture as many memories as you can.

There really is no reason to take DS on this trip on his own. It’s not a study trip. Not at age 14. If you want to treat him on his own wait until after GCSEs. But honestly at this age I’d just use your holiday budget to go as a family. The years you have left to do that will be over in a flash.

As you have asked for opinions.,,,,my opinion is that you should take both of them.

As it is only GCSE's, and i assume your 11 year old will also be taking GCSE's/options soon and will get a lot out of the trip also.

The oldest isn't about to go off and be independent, he is currently very young still.

Heard of a family recently who took trips to the places their children were studying at GCSE geography. Sounded like such an amazing thing to do, to actually see the place for yourself must bring the education element to life no? I studied Brazil at school and have still never been, would have been everything to me at 16. What an adventure!!

I voted YANBU and was surprised the votes are so close. Reading the comments it seems it's mostly an environmental stand point that people are voting against. Which is a serious issue and not one to be taken lightly. However on the question of 'should I take child X on a trip that interests them and leave child y at home' yes I think you should. They're individuals and spending time with you solo doesn't seem unreasonable, especially not if you're then going on a subsequent trip all together and plan to do the same for the other child in time. Seems fine to me!

It seems many here are in the all or no-one camp when it comes to holidays. I don’t get it, my DC have different interests and so I do different things with them. People are acting like it’s a once in a lifetime trip that the younger child will miss out on when OP has made it clear they are fortunate enough to travel all over the world and the DD will get her own trip in year 10.

Have you actually asked your DD if she would want to go? And explained to her that if she chooses not to she can have an equivalent trip?

Study trip to Borneo to help with GCSE geography is the most mumsnet thing I have ever heard

Idk I read it that OP doesn't want to take DD whether DD wants to go or not, so asking her opinion might just further complicate matters 🤔

Well that’s shit to be honest, I can’t imagine leaving my child behind when they wanted to go on the trip. Pretty awful if you ask me!

Our holiday style is either DIY or group tours so we actually see the part of the country we're visiting. We do a mix of accommodation types: youth hostels, B&B, self-catering, small hotels, big hotels, camping. We've never been on a holiday where we've just spent 2 weeks sitting in a resort.

On the back of this thread, I asked DD about it this evening. She says when it's her turn she wants to go camping in Wales and spend the rest of the money redecorating DS's room so she can swap into it when he goes to uni! She's annoyed DS by bursting into his room to measure up and is now off looking at Pinterest. I don't think she's scarred for life.

Though to be fair I'm not sure in this scenario that we definitely know the if the daughter wants to go or not. Kinda sounded like she was more interested in somewhere like hawaii. I might be muddled up though, only skim read.

On the back of this thread, I asked DD about it this evening. She says when it's her turn she wants to go camping in Wales and spend the rest of the money redecorating DS's room so she can swap into it when he goes to uni!

Well that’s fine then isn’t it, seems very simple - DD doesn’t want to go then fine, if she did, you’d take her.

😂😂 she sounds just like my niece who is also 11!

What a great response 😀

My thinking is that at 16 he'll be getting a part-time job and that'll need planning around for holidays. Next year is the last summer when he has no other commitments.

The environmental impact of the trip will be halved if the DD (who the OP doesn't think would enjoy the trip anyway) and the OP's DH stay at home. Worth considering.

I swear mumsnet will eat itself one day

Does it have to be Borneo? There's an all inclusive cruise that goes through the Amazon's two main rivers, called Iberostar Grand Amazon Expedition. I greatly enjoyed it when I went in 2019.

THIS

That looks brilliant! His class is studying Borneo though.

Study trip? 😂 😂

Ignoring the BS eco rationalisation, it sounds like a wonderful trip. Lucky DC. However i think it’s only reasonable if you do something equivalent with your other DC another time.

This sounds like a load of bollocks tbh.

No one takes their child to a bizarre location for their GCSEs on purpose.

THAT BEING SAID, the summer between Yr9 and Yr10 we took a whole family trip to the Canadian Rocky Mountains. My parents had come into an inheritance, and they'd always wanted to go. And it was a great holiday.
We come back home and I start my GCSE geography. Back then, I don't know if it's the same now, but we had to do a case study of a certain region, which we'd write about in the GCSE exam. Guess what the region was? The Canadian Rocky Mountains.

Total fluke, no one could have ever known. My parents were as bemused and excited as I was when I told them. I could write about really niche things that no one who hadn't been there could know. It went on to be my one and only A* GCSE, and it was by no means the subject I put the most work into!

You can't be serious?

A trip to Borneo for a gcse?

You clearly have more money than sense.

Once you leave school and go to college or get a job you'll realise they're pointless.