WIBU to take one DC but not the other?

[RealHousewivesOfTaunton]

14yo DS is going into year 10 and is studying rainforests as part of his upcoming Geography GCSE. I'd really like to take him on a trip to Borneo next summer so he can see the effects of deforestation, palm plantations etc.

However, I don't want to take 11yo DD. 1) It's expensive and a study tour more than a holiday. 2) It would be nice to do something with just DS before he heads off into independence.

We're going on a nice family holiday next year so she won't be going without. I'll also explain to her that this is for DS's GCSEs and I will do an equivalent trip with her when she's the same age. By the time she gets to that stage, DS will hopefully be at university and so wouldn't be coming on a study trip with his little sister.

Is this a reasonable plan or am I being unfair?

Got to be more to this. Come on! It makes no sense. Sounds to me like you just want a holiday with one and not the other but feel the need to cover it up as an educational trip. Just be honest.

I think this is the equivalent of me taking one child to London to an exhibition for the weekend and leaving the other younger one at home.

So it’s hard for me to get my head around a Once in a lifetime (for lots of people) trip where the whole family doesn’t go.

Exactly this.

It's absolutely crazy behaviour.

I can't stop laughing at flying him over 7,000 miles to show him environmental damage! 🤣🤣

There's nothing he can't learn about Borneo on the internet.

DH and I don't have favourite children but they definitely have favourite parents! I spend an absolute fortune on DD's hobby and have lots of 1:1 time with her doing things that DS doesn't enjoy (shopping, the theatre etc.). She is in no way deprived of maternal love. DS would happily spend every evening, weekend and holiday in his room if I didn't drag him out to interact with the outside world.

Even if it’s just a holiday, it’s fine to take your older child on a trip now with the idea that you will do the same for the younger child later.

I would plan ahead though. By the time the younger child’s turn rolls around, you are going to be financially pressed with helping with university. Make sure you have saved up so you can afford the trip and the schooling simultaneously so no one misses out.

I'm taking my 27 & 13yo dd on separate short breaks this year as they have separate interests and both don't want to do the others trip.

However we are actually going to Borneo next summer and doing a combo of rainforest and beach - so there is nothing to stop you meeting both of their criteria with one trip and not leaving one out of an amazing holiday.

I think it's fine that your DS gets a trip he'd like now and your DD gets one when she's the same age. Sometimes it's nice to do things one on one.
The main issue would be what if your DH wants to go to Borneo too, you need to have a proper discussion about it with him.

Are there no school trips that he could do instead? Something that would be led by an actual subject teacher, with an itinerary designed to cover aspects of the curriculum?

I often take DD on weekends away without DS. He has no interest in coming at all, although I do make him from time to time.

We're extremely fortunate to have been on all sorts of holidays to far-flung corners of the world. DD has been on similarly exotic family holidays before and will do again, including next year's main family holiday.

Yes, they're going to a beach somewhere in Yorkshire for their fieldwork.

I've just noticed you said this earlier OP...

DS's study habits are firmly on the casual side so I'm hopefully getting some learning in by osmosis.

If he's not a hard worker at school, I sincerely doubt an expensive trip to Borneo will make any difference to that.

We're going on our main family holiday 2 days after we'd get home from Borneo. It doesn't make sense to me to do two big holidays back-to-back just so DD doesn't feel left out (which I don't think she will).

He is interested in this (I have no illusions why!) and I'd like to encourage that interest.

Environmental concerns aside I think it's fine to do a trip with just him if it's not really your DD's cup of tea anyway- as long as you take her on a similar trip when she is in year 10. Also they both get a family holiday too so it's not like she's missing out so her brother can go to Borneo.

DD really wants to go Hawaii, for example. DS doesn't care about going to Hawaii. It would be a waste of money to take him just because DD wants to go.

I'm not going to pretend to have any eco credentials where travel's concerned. We go on many flights every year, for holidays and work

Fine, but to pretend the purpose of this trip is to learn about environmental damage is one of the most vacuous and hypocritical things I have ever heard. What sort of values are you imparting in your teenage son? 🙄 Honestly.

I got an A* in Geography and I went to Grimethorpe. Take him there

Ha, I doubt there are many year 10s who will be undertaking a field trip to Borneo in prep for their Geography GCSE, so I think 'study trip' is probably stretching it a bit.

Exactly. Op you obviously have money to spend so i would only do it if you can take DD on a similar trip, massively unfair otherwise.

Ps. The Internet is a wonderful resource, there's plenty of info, pics and videos that will help your son's study.

My parents have often done similar gifts over the years - not in the realms of study strips in Borneo though 😳 and as the younger sibling when I got to the age fully expecting a similar experience I was told circumstances had now changed/they were older/financial situation different etc and so didn't get the same gifts.....

You cant guarantee that your daughter will be able to get a trip of an equivalent value/level and it could lead to resentment

Makes complete sense doesn't it.

Dubious as the premise of the trip undoubtedly is, YANBU to spend some 1-1 time with one of your children. Especially as the other won't necessarily enjoy the trip. She can have a trip of her choice at a similar age.

And although we can see the flaws through the 'study value' excuse, your DD probably won't at age 11 so it's a good way to avoid any hurt feelings 😂.

Unfair.

Watch some videos of the area instead. No need to visit.

Nooo it's fine, of course for the dd it'll be about nuclear energy, so the equivalent will be a trip to Faslane in Scotland....