Can't be bothered to cook for son

[palmtreesands]

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

He lives there, he should be able to eat at home. You say you won’t make him dinner and won’t allow him to cook. He must feel so unwelcome.

He needs to eat, and something half way decent. If he's paying towards bills and food, then the majority of his food should be available in the home. Maybe when any of you cooks, keep leftovers for the next day for him to reheat. If not a selection of easy foods for him to prepare when he arrives home, if only jacket potatoes, topping(s) and salad one day, homemade pasta sauce which can be frozen to which he can add a protein/other veg, stir fry veg to add chicken or salmon to. Maybe one day a ready meal, but have veggies, salad to add to. Something like a crustless quiche he could have hot with something, cold another day and you could even have with your salad.

This is very simple.

arrange a family meeting.

make it clear that you are not in charge of evening meal planning or prep. The other adults can take care of the shopping. If there is not enough room in the fridge because of beer, they can store some of it at room temp or buy less at a time. Then let the other adults figure it out.

you can’t however block a member of the household from buying groceries or using the kitchen if you do not want to be in charge of meals. You can only do that if there are scheduling issues and you need to reserve kitchen time.

Apparently there's a fridge in the conservatory full of meat ... that nobody cooks.

OP, is this your not-so-subtle way of telling him to move out!?

Because, if it isn't, you sure know how to make a person feel unwelcome.

How much beer do they really need to keep in the fridge? Can't they keep most of it elsewhere and just put a couple of bottles in ready for drinking?

But as others have said, charge him less and let him sort his own food.

I can't believe how you're reading it tbh!!

Sounds like if the DH and the son stopped getting so much beer then the problem would be solved.

If my son started filling the fridge with beer I certainly wouldn't be going out every single day to buy ingredients for food.

Why on earth didn't the dad or son buy a beer fridge? Instead they just took it over.

Young people living at home rarely pay the going rate for rent and food.

Most parents take a token amount because their son or daughter is usually saving for a deposit for a house or a rental.

If he was paying the going rate he may as well leave home and go into a house-share.

You're being a bit unreasonable.
Did you read the thread?

He's banned from having food in the fridge.
There is no room for any food.
The OP doesn't seem to expect him to want to cook for himself.

Not sure what his dad does. Drink beer and eat snacks every night maybe.

I agree and the op still hasn't said how old the son is. He could still be a teenager for all we know, or 20. Probably not earning much. £400 is a reasonable sum to pay for your 'keep' whilst living with parents, especially for a young person, male or female. He has the right to expect something in return for that. I doubt he could afford to move out right now, young people are staying with their parents for longer these days because it is so expensive to leave home, unless they are prepared to rent a bedsitter and share all facilities. However he doesn't get much for his money.t

The op is feeling the effects of the hot weather, I understand that, but I bet this problem did not start when the temperature rose,, and it will still exist when it becomes colder.

I can't imagine not having a family meal, it doesn't have to be anything elaborate but most people manage something and the preparation can be shared, some of it done in advance. I wonder what happens at weekends.

It's his house too..
Gosh how mean are you .
Growing teens / young adult men need feeding .

The OP is very cagey. I am fascinated by the fridge set up. And the never doing a shop.

What do you do with the meat in the freezer if no one cooks? Are you or your dh going to cook when your baby/child needs food (all the way up to young adulthood).

All sounds rather chaotic and unusual. I understand he’s not your son so there seems to be a lack of emotional investment/nurturing on your part.

It’s quite unusual to never have a cooked meal in the house.

Not this again. I've seen this thread before, even down to the pregnancy.

How old is he?

• As he is paying £400, can he just give you a list each week whilst you are doing your shopping so he has the ingredients he needs?
• Why isn't there any room for him to buy and store his own food as he is paying rent? This should be available for him.
• If you arent having family meals etc - why is your cupboards /fridge/freezer so full that he isnt able to store his food for his dinner?

I feel a bit sorry for him tbh. Give him a shelf in the fridge, freezer and in a cupboard and it sounds as though that will solve all the problems.

I don't think he's 'banned' from putting food in the fridge. There's no room in the fridge because him and the dad keep filling it with beer.

He is going to need space in the fridge if you don't want to cook for him. Him cooking for himself is fair enough but your setup doesn't facilitate that, so either you carry on as you are, or make space in the fridge.

It certainly hasn't been too hot to cook here, and I couldn't live off salad so a teenage boy definitely can't!

He wants to cook. The issue is that OP won't let him use the fridge/freezer to store food TO cook. She also doesn't want to buy any food to cook for him!

No, I don't understand it either...

Maybe because it’s always empty. I don’t not know lol, the whole thing sounds weird.

Maybe it was, but at this point surely one of them would have a bit of sense and say actually let's just do a shop and put the food in the fridge instead of the beer.

Instead the OP is getting called all sorts of names on here like it's all her problem, the 3 of them are adults FGS. It's not all on the OP.

As OP is pregnant, her partner and her need to consider how they are going to cope on maternity leave and when the baby needs weaning. They will need to make space for food whether it’s in fridges, cupboards or freezers.

I’ve read your up dates and some of the PPs.

The obvious answer is you charge him a bit less board, and clear a space in the fridge for him to keep his food - that he buys and cooks himself. If that means less beer can be kept cold at any one time then so be it. They can always top it up when needed.

Youre not U not to want to cook meals that your aren’t eating, or go out to the shops day by day, but you are U to stop him storing or cooking food.

If him and the dad stopped filling the fridge with beer then he'd be able to put food in it no problem.

Let him buy his own ingredients and between you all, make space in the fridge/ freezer.

He's perfectly prepared to cook. He's even prepared to shop (though if he does this he should get a reduction on this keep money). The OP isn't prepared to let him store food in the fridge in his own home. If I were this son I'd be buying a fridge for me room and keeping my food in there.

You sound very worn out OP but this is not a good way to continue.

I'd take less money from him and stop doing his meals, but buy him a small cheap fridge to keep his food and/or beer in. There's no way I'd cook for him if I wasn't cooking for myself.