Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

Oh come on.
If you can’t work out that sentence then that’s you.

I think it’s never a good idea to have over-long, convoluted posts on here, especially if they’re the OP (although even within a thread it’s annoying). It puts people on the wrong foot and responses tend to be more negative.

For gods sake, I don’t think the ops posts are very clear, but this is just let’s be nasty and pick on her. Her somewhat estranged father has paid at least partly for them to visit him and wife 3 and their children, she is pretty out of money, with her 8yo, he is working and acting like he doesn’t want her there. So without the funds to do much, she borrows one of her dad’s cars to go to a farm. And that’s what you pick on. She probably ATE HIS FOOD too while staying in his house where she’d been invited. Give over, she borrowed her dad’s car, so she and her daughter could do something other than sit and rot in his house having a stinking awful
holiday he invited them on, so what.

No, it's not clear, which is why people are asking for clarity.

It was obviously a very emotional meeting, it’s totally conceivable that you arrived tired and cross and they arrived anxious and late. Stop blaming each other for your feelings, both are totally reasonable and not the result of each others actions. Yes it would have been nice for them to be on time but in the circumstances, it sounds like they tried to make an effort even if it didn’t work out and you didn’t appreciate it.

Well she does! (have lovely hair.... I'm making typos now)
It's so surprising to see her from the front when from the back she looks like a 20-something model.

I do not though, and the most recent (itself a while ago) time I saw her, she pointed it out to me.

She is in her 70's now I think.

@Lacdulancelot , it's written by someone who is snippy with posters who say her posts lack clarity.

Not sure about the rest of it, but my experience of arrivals halls in Australia and NZ is that entire families turn up, it’s a big deal when the ‘rellies’ visit! So I would have anticipated that.

@FarFarWay

It was the reference by your DF (presumably?) to the trip being an almost disaster that was the confusing part. And who was meeting you and why. The part about not being met after a long and tiring journey when travelling with a child was clear in the first post.

Not being met would have course be very upsetting. Especially when being met by your parent who is picking up his DD and his GD after a long absence. You’d hope that they’d make an effort. It would also be confusing in that you’d wonder if they got the flight details wrong etc compounded by worrying about a tired and hungry child.

He keeps me anchored the past through his eyes, and I all I am able to do is defend myself, because the occasions we have spent to together have been so few and far between, and always fraught with tension for one reason or another. This trip was a perfect example.

The main issue is that your DF is a selfish narcissist. Any time spent with one will be fraught. Remember that you don’t have to defend yourself. And no point in expecting anything from one. They just don’t care. But the step siblings sounded nice and NZ amazing. So not so much the trip but the DF sounds a disaster. And, to me, it’s still not clear why your DF thought it was almost a disaster but does it really matter what he thinks?

It just sounds like you're pissed off about your father having other people in his life to be honest.

Does OP say she waited 40 mins? She said they left when she landed and they live 40 mins away. But you don't land and immediately press a button that transports you to the arrivals doors bypassing border control, the walks to the gates, collecting suitcases.........

I'm assuming there wasn't much of a wait, but OP won't tell us that. No matter how many times its been asked.

I notice the OP has failed to mention that Auckland not only has immigration, it also has biocontrol. Basically, you go through immigration (queues), get your luggage (normal wait) then queue again to have your luggage X-rayed, declare any foodstuffs etc.

The entire process can take 1.5 to 2 hours in busy periods (it can also take 40 minutes with a very early morning flight if you sprint from the plane / luggage collection like a runner off the blocks to get to the front of the queues).

I would never expect someone living fairly close to the airport to leave before the plane had landed.

Also I love the way the OP has casually thrown in that she took her father’s car (WTF!) because she didn’t think he was running around after her and her daughter enough.

The excessive punctuation makes this hard to read. Too many dashes and brackets.

@Codlingmoths

Thank you!
You have summed it up far more neatly than I could; obviously.
And I appreciate that very very much.
But the thing is, even with a BIT of back-story and not especially wanting to "out" someone at the start, they do become lengthy. I don't really think that's such a bad thing.

If spoken out loud, it would take minutes!

I often see posts that I might think are "too" long, or wordy, or phrased in a way that it takes me a couple of time to read.
IF the topic is of interest, I will continue... If I am not interested even if I have read though it all, I will not get myself involved. Let alone with a two-word, or short-sentence, possibly offensive put-down.
Life may be too short for the difficulties I have, but it is too short to do that!

😂 Please tell more stories from the camping trip!

It really isn’t.

Something about Japan and sushi and then a carful of people.

‘Borrowing’ a MV without asking is a criminal offence in the UK - I suspect it’s the same in NZ. The OP’s Dad wasn’t the only person being completely unreasonable here.

The first post is focused on not being met at the airport. I get that you were tired and it would have been nice to have someone there to meet you, but I travel regularly and I expect to wait if I'm being picked up as otherwise airport carparking charges can be huge and it's so difficult for the person doing the pick up to know how long customs, luggage collection etc will take. I waited an hour at Sydney Airport - on Christmas Day! - I didn't view it as a big deal.

Having said all that, I don't think the wait at the airport is the main issue - it seems something happened on the holiday itself between you and your dad and that is the big issue. Agree that if you posted on that specific issue to the Relationships board you would get more helpful advice.

I was going to say exactly the same.

The airport pick up is a red herring in a way. There are far, far deeper issues at play.

It sounds like both parties struggled with the visit- but likely for different reasons.

It does seem like they couldn't do anything right;
They all picked you up from the airport (I have a feeling that if it had just been the dad picking up OP that also would have been wrong)
The colouring book and skipping rope sound thoughtful and age appropriate. What was the problem with these?

Did you take your father's car without permission? And with no insurance? I'm not surprised he was annoyed. I would have been too.

Think there are some very deep seated issues here OP and it looks like you're looking for validation on your feelings from a bunch of strangers. Maybe consider some counselling?

They aren't Antipodean though. Just plain old English.

Haha! I wish I could tell you I had an encyclopedic knowledge of plane fleets, but I just fly JAL a lot 😂.

i am not being nasty, read my posts
her dad was annoyed she borrowed his car, i was just wondering how it came about @FarFarWay

@FarFarWay am I right in thinking that the airport pickup symbolised a lack of care and attention for you? That you were just an add-on to his family in NZ? I can see why it didn't feel special, and that perhaps you hoped this would be a visit that brought you closer.

Honestly. Feel free to not read it then.

But people don’t know, op. Going on your original post, I’d struggle to see why you are still so angry. There’s clearly a huge amount of baggage here and this was the final straw.
You need to stop giving him chances, he won’t change and be the father and grandfather you want him to be. Your relationship with him is causing you pain. Just stop. He won’t be a loss to you and your daughter. If he wants to know why you don’t have contact with him, personally I’d tell him that he hasn’t been a good father and is now a poor grandfather to your daughter and you won’t put up with it any longer. You’ll feel so much better with things out in the open.