Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

It would've been nice for them to be there on time, but for whatever reason, they weren't. Maybe hair woman really wanted to come to meet you and wanted to look her best. It's not ideal that you had to wait, with a tired and hungry DD. But it is also not worth giving another thought to. Did you have a good time with them? Did they look after you?

So you did a long tiring trip with an 8 year old to see people who matter in some way. They couldn't be bothered to get to the airport on time to pick you up? Yes that is rude and inconsiderate.

You now adult DD has never bothered seeing these people again and they resent it? Well I don't blame her, not sure why she'd put herself out for them.

Do let it go or it will eat you up. If the main player is so keen to see you DD again maybe they should make the effort.

Flights are often delayed, takes ages to get passengers off, get luggage off, get through customs. I probably wouldn't set off until it landed either. How did that make the whole trip a disaster? Your OP is quite hard to follow..

So what’s your gripe? Is it that they were late, or that too many of them turned up? Or is it that the fact you had to wait set the whole trip off on a bad foot and you felt it affected how your 8 yr old behaved for the whole trip (this seems unlikely). Or it affected your behaviour (again unlikely).

Or should the title of this really just be “I don’t really like my/ my husband’s mad relatives abroad especially when they make comments about my DC”?

Either way, don’t go again or get a taxi!

I understood it fine and it would annoy me too OP.

Sometimes you really do just have to accept it was a shit show and move on. I've been there. Scream it out into a pillow then go for a walk outside and release it all into the universe.

OP, I get it.
Long flight, exhausted, with a child.
Absolutely basic courtesy and kindness to be there at arrivals to get you to where you are staying asap.
It would have irritated the hell out of me at the time.

We need to know how the daughter behaved. There is so much you’re not saying here.

The gist is OP and her young daughter traveled to Japan to meet people who didn't have the curtsey to be there waiting at arrivals.

I'd be annoyed as well. It's rude!

She probably didn't have a nice time as she describes the visit as a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was

I’m a bit confused. You were travelling from Japan, where you live?, with a Japanese airline to the UK to visit relatives. Why was your daughter not familiar with sushi?

It wasn't a group, as in a group holiday.
It was my father - who brought along his wife and their two giant sons. There was no room in the car even.
My daughter had never net any of them, and I hadn't seen them for years.
The reunion could have taken place at the house.
And we had landed and were waiting at the airport before they even left the house. Bad manners if nothing else.

As someone whose done these really long haul flights with kids then I do get the challenge of how exhausted and hungry everyone is and to then have to wait for a lift is a pain. And now the "main player" is retelling the story as it somehow being you or your DD who was fussy and difficult.

However, I suspect this is just part of a much longer story about other things that went wrong, and maybe the relationship of the people you were meeting. Depending on who the person was and how much you care about maintaining a relationship for you or your DD, I'd suggest just letting it go

Often there’s nowhere to wait easily at airports. If I was picking someone up I would always plan to get there after them, you never know how long customs and luggage collection will take

Op were you expecting a red carpet welcome?? Your story is very vague as to who what where and why

It’s unclear why anyone is considering this a disaster.

Nevertheless, if someone has arranged to pick you up from the airport, you should be grateful and they should be there on time. If they are a bit late, I’d still be grateful after long haul with luggage and a kid.

I travel longhaul to Japan with a kid every year. It’s definitely worth bringing a packed lunch or 2 for kids like mine who are less adventurous.

Two flights, from UK to Auckland, via Japan. Each flight was roughly 11 hours.

We are so uncultured, she had never had sushi at that time.

Sorry. I skipped a bit of the OP. But still, we don't have enough info. Maybe the OP sulked all the way through the trip?!

Like if the main player the child’s father (or even OPs father) and instead of just being there to meet his child at the arrival area he spent time waiting for his wife to finish doing her hair and then the child was overwhelmed by meeting a whole bunch of family members at once I can understand why OP was annoyed

ok, I had typed this but I just saw the OPs update so yeah I can see why she was bothered by it

Sorry but this is an 8yo child not a young toddler. I have an 8yo, it is SO easy travelling with that age. There is food everywhere, surely in the 40 min of waiting you could have got her something. Also why wouldn't you take any snacks for her for the plane? Everyone does that.

Yes it is annoying to wait but you could have taken a taxi or cab to where they were staying. I don't understand what the big deal is? Unless you have left out some huge details.

So there's two separate issues here. One is not being met at the airport. Annoying, understandably, after a stupidly long flight. The other is your daughter now doesn't have anything to do with these relatives and they blame it on this trip? How old is she?

You are still cross because sometime ago you travel across the world to visit people who I assume are in laws and you had to wait a bit for them to arrive to pick you up? The visit itself was then less good than it might have been but some of that was down to you not them? They have not been to visit since and neither have you resulting in your DD not seeing these people since then?
I will say -
1 - there is clearly a difference in culture here I suspect. Expectations and misunderstandings.
2- I’ve just done a long haul flight, business class in one direction, economy in the other. At no point dis I need to be hungry. There was snack available constantly. And when travelling long distances with kids, always pack your own!
3- your fixation with them not being at the airport is a bit weird. It’s a very minor issue. You can’t have waited longer than halF an hour or so?
You don’t give timescales so it’s difficult to judge whether it’s unreasonable that they have not seen each other since. They’re clearly a long way away.

It’s not clear, there’s a reason people use the abbreviations for family members. It makes it much easier to understand an explanation of a completely unknown situation.

It sounds like you are completely overthinking it but context of the ‘main player’ and ‘important people’ would help.

I have waited a short time to be picked up from airports to avoid parking charges or because customs and baggage reclaim have been unexpectedly quick and it’s not a big deal.

I'd have definitely clarified before travelling that they would be waiting for you at arrivals at X time, but as it often takes a while to off board and collect luggage I'd expect the agreed time to be an hour or so after landing.

Was that agreed?

Your communication obviously isn’t as clear as you think it is. Why are you posting? Are you asking a question or just complaining to the air?

So is the crux of the matter that OPs father is now moaning about the trip and doesn’t have a relationship with his grandchild now but OP feels he didn’t make the effort at the time and the waiting at the airport is representative of his lack of effort or understanding in general?