Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

In a sense you are - and it wasn't the first time. In fact, has never been anything else. I think this mattered more becuase it did include my child, who I thought did deserve a bit of attention, even whilst I still hoped for it to be low-key/no pressure. There was a whole month of time together planned.
Without wanting to be self-centred, we HAD made the journey, met all our costs - and probably had some expectations that didn't match theirs (his, mainly).

Hang on. All this happened at Christmas? And you are bitching and pissing about it now?

You’re being a bit unfair; there was a whole red herring paragraph about Japan and sushi and there being no other kids on the flight. It was all completely irrelevant to the issue. You simply had a long and stressful flight.

How long were you left waiting after you’d got through to the arrivals hall?

But they all came to meet her. If just an add on why did the stepmother do her hair, and they all arrive to meet her? Isn't that them trying to make her feel special?

I really do think the airport pick up, in whatever way it could have happened, would never have been right. And it wouldn't have ever been right due to deeper issues.

What has your dad said to make you think the visit was a disaster due to your daughter?

I am in the UK.

I have a brother who has family in NZ.

My parents have done multiple flights out to see him and he and his family have done multiple flights back to the UK.

I have also done many flights myself with my
Twins.

I understand that this is an exhausting flight.

My parents normally take a couple of days in either Dubai or Singapore in between planes, and the only time my brother did a very quick change planes (3 hours Dubai) was when my dad was dying.

It's a bugger of a journey otherwise.

I have also met many planes at airports and the usual is to allow time for clearing customs and immigration. I'd expect 40 mins to an hour depending on how much luggage and when you'd arrived.

I've been late to pick my brother up before and it's not been a major issue. Sometimes people are late. I've also spent hours sitting at Costa in arrivals because the plane is delayed so they are late.

Sounds like there is a lot of other stuff going on, but my personal recommendation would be to split the journey in future so it's not to
Much. Also Singapore and Dubai or even San Fran are better transit points than Japan.

Christmas at least 15 years ago apparently (since a PP has said JAL hasn’t used the plane mentioned for that amount of time).

Also, Christmas is prime summer holidays in NZ, the queues tend to be even longer than normal then.

The main player? Crickets? What!?

How long ago was this OP? Not to criticise the length of time it’s affected you but to understand better the depth of negative feeling you have towards your father. It feels like there’s a lot of history going on here.

Oh at least fifteen years ago. My that is a long time to still feel such raw rage. Yes there’s definitely historical dysfunctional dynamics going on here.No wonder you can still feel upset years later. If it was a one-off it would just be a humorous story now.

OK, I have a migraine now.
Some of you are very kind.

Thank you for all - well most - input and sharing of experiences.
All critique of my writing style taken on board.

I would no doubt use to many words to tell about the camping...
or the trip to the US.

And then there's the emery board.
(Yes, I said the emery board...as in, nail file.)

[You never know what else someone is going through.

Just saying.)

Next time just get a taxi to meet you at the airport if you don't want to wait 40 mins.

Getting to an airport, parking, finding departures can be a pain if you are not so used to it and there are often massive traffic queues around.

@FarFarWay

I think what is causing the confusion is your writing style. You are adding commentary and additional but not always relevant information into your sentences as you go - a bit like a stream of consciousness.

Some of these are quite cutting / sarcastic / bitchy which is creating a sense of unpleasantness as well as chaos.

I think if you had stuck to the facts of ‘am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed that my dad was late to meet me at the airport after a full day flying on my own with an 8 year old’ with additional points made about the McDonald’s and the lack of room in the car. People might have been a little more on board.

Hmm - sounds like you have a first family problem (ie new family are priority, old family are old news). I had a similar journey to a different country once. Entered the house to see a note on the sideboard from the second wife saying ‘don’t go to the airport to pick them up. They are adults and can find their own way’. This was actually 20+ years ago. I still remember and it irks me as it’s indicative of the first family being second best and life continued in that vein with a thousand further slights. New wife would rather have erased first family from history.

So after being snippy with MN'ers the Op now has a headache...

@FarFarWay

Sorry you’ve got a migraine. Your head is clogged up with this and I hope you can let it go.

Just please answer the two questions that many have asked:

How long were you kept waiting?
How long ago did this happen?

I think it's not doing you good and you must let it go.

The title says you were expecting to be met at arrivals. Somewhere. No more, no less.

The body of the post is incomprehensible. I can't even work out which countries you were flying into and out of. Heathrow is mentioned. And time at an airport in Japan - leaving? arriving? changing planes?

It’s really not clear.

I'm so confused!! Is this op basically saying that your family were late collecting you from the airport? And that you are miffed as you were a bit squashed in car?
It's all a bit long winded.....

@BrieHugger
Yes, my head is clogged up with THIS (thread); on top of the issue itself.
Which has been refreshed by other parties in real life, hence the post in the first place.)

In saying that, I meant to also add that I am departing the thread for now, until I get my vision back. Before anyone wants to say I am not responding or have flounced away.

She flew from Heathrow to NZ via Japan. Each flight was about 11 hours. The first was upgraded, the second was like being in a tin can. Daughter was tired and hungry when they landed but didn’t fancy McD’s… so they were even more tired and hungry when the family turned up to collect them.

Still not answering the two bits of wholly relevant information that you’ve been repeatedly asked for!

This.

and her father was rude about them sitting in mcdonalds.
and the father was annoyed when she borrowed his car
and her stepmother (number 2) has told her he is indifferent.

Actually, I didn't really think it mattered so much.
Of course I have now been educated on various Airports and their parking arrangements, so know more than I did.

Out of Heathrow, having travelled here in early hours, about 200 miles
To a Japanese Airport - can't remember, maybe Narita
Quick dash to board flight with Air New Zealand - to Auckland.

Each flight was about 11 hours.
Same for return, but had a night in an hotel. I think that was Osaka.

I think people are being really unfair to you here. I get it. This is your father and you are made to feel like an inconvenience. Auckland is not difficult to get around, it would not take much effort to get to the airport on time to collect your daughter and granddaughter who have just spent nearly 24 hours travelling solidly. Yet you can't really be arsed to get to the airport on time to collect them. Given that you haven't seen your daughter for a long time and your grand daughter at all - it would be gracious and thoughtful to arrive alone so as not to make this meeting overwhelming. Maybe take them for a coffee or breakfast (etc.) on the way back to catch up alone before taking them to meet the rest of the family. This would be the thoughtful way to do it.

When you are there it looks like he hasn't even take time off work to host you or made much plans.

It is extremely hurtful behaviour - I imagine you often feel like he just moves on in life and leaves people behind with little or no regard. Then blames then for the estrangement.