Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

i am sorry people are being unnecessarily rude op.

It’s not though. Not clear at all.

Your writing style is too convoluted, just get to the point OP. It’s almost unreadable.

Also agree.

I think people are confused because the initial post focuses on the airport greeting. This has vividly coloured your perception of the trip, but I can understand that for you it was a very big deal, that first meeting, and not as you envisioned it and that is why it has stuck in your mind.

There's so many reasons already delved into why people cannot be met immediately they walk through the arrivals gates.There's always waiting around at airports because timings can never be precise. I also feel that the reason they all came was because they DID want to welcome you, but that was a bit overwhelming for you. The 40 minute car home was a bit squashed as a result. The food, the difficult journey - I think you have to move on from that as most long distance journeys can be difficult.

Your father's comment about wife's hair, sounds like a dumb attempt at a "jokey" excuse than an exercise in truth and a bit of a put down of his wife actually, he was the driver, responsible for meeting you, but blaming his lateness on her. Just has he blames his estrangement on his GD, and the "disaster" visit and not himself, when surely he had a hand in the reasons why it was a disaster, not an 8 year old child.

So the main crux of your issue is your father's behaviour towards you, his criticisms ( which seem to include everyone except himself). It sounds like he's recently been complaining about that visit and about his GD and that has brought up all these issues for you again, understandably.

I'm still not quite sure what you want from this... how to deal with him? How to repair the relationship? Just to communicate how this is affecting you? or your daughter? Or are you still feeling your way, trying to find out what you do want from this situation? It does sound like it would be worth exploring this in RL with someone. Maybe therapy might help you work out where you go from here

He sounds like a difficult, critical man, and it's a bit rich, after three marriages to be criticising your relationship skills. Your stepmother's comments that he was indifferent to you are harsh, but perhaps she was being truthful. My feeling is that you cant change him, but you can change how much this bothers you.
I'd focus on yourself and your own little family, that is much more important than a highly critical absent parent.

How long ago was this Op. sounds like you need to accept you don't have a great relationship, the holiday wasn't the best, and just forget about it.

You’ve come to the right place 😁

Wanting to look good for me???
Oh, you'd have to know her to understand my mild hysteria at that idea.

She doe shave lovey hair, it must be said.
One of the first (also a disaster - I know there's a pattern) holidays I took with them, first and always priority was boiling a saucepan to melt the wax in her heated rollers. We were camping, in France. And that's another whole story (which I am of course, not relaying here.)

It’s all very wordy - an indication that you’ve overfilled your mind with it, I think.

Long story short: you had a very long flight across the world with a small child and expected your dad (with whom you have a tricky relationship) to greet you at arrivals. He was slightly late because his wife and kids also wanted to greet you and they were faffing.

How was the rest of the holiday and why is your dad saying it was all a bit of a disaster?

If there wasn’t enough room in the car how did you get to the house? Was someone left at the airport?

She didn’t refer to you as a shit show, she said it all sounds like a shit show!

The good thing is up you never have to visit your dad again.

I would keep him very low contact.

daughter had to sit on her lap, she explained upthread

Why didn't you get a taxi?if i pick anyone up from the airport it tales ages...traffic, airport parking dramas

I literally never pick anyone up now. Get a taxi like an adult

At no point are you saying how long you sat waiting.....

This obviously goes a lot deeper than an airport meet. Is your father the ‘main player’? Whoever it is there’s contempt from you there, probably with good reason.

OP’s dd had to sit in OP’s lap, as there were 5 adults and one child.

This (and another pp’s suggestion) would have made a much more succinct OP. I think the long winded OP hasn’t helped get the right balance of responses.

It all sounds very dramatic.

If your father makes you miserable, go low contact.

Don't engage when he tries to make everything your fault. Or place unreasonable burdens on you. Just say no.

And if that doesn't work, go no contact.

LIfe is too short.

SadieDadie · Today 10:07
You're not saying how long you stood waiting.

She and dd had to wait 40 mins.
I understand that after such a long journey you’d just want to get to your final destination, but the trips with the older boys sound great fun and an unforgettable experience for you and your dd. Surely that makes up for the annoying wait and squash in the car?
Try and forget about the negative aspects and enjoy looking at the photos with dd of all the amazing places you visited.

I long ago gave up meeting people at Heathrow - it's mostly just cab drivers waiting at Arrivals with name boards held up, who are paid to collect the passengers. Maybe at smaller airports its done though.

Op your df doesn’t care enough about you to even pick you up early and comfortably.
Don’t visit again.
If he wants to see you he knows where you are.
He sounds selfish and disengaged.

She doe shave lovey hair, it must be said.

You what?

Basically there is more to this? It's your father and a second wife and their children? You felt as if you weren't given enough importance? Is this how you generally feel about the situation and you are rolling this in with the travel?

People aren't at all being rude unnecessarily. The title says OP expected to be met at arrivals. She was, albeit a little later than anticipated.

When a journey had that many legs, there are bound to be moments when you need to rush to catch the next transport and also wait a while for something. It doesn't have to be precise and the family leaving when convenient and after a definite landing instead of hanging around and paying to park makes sense.

It's really of no consequence, except that OP has other issues with her father which are colouring her view. Since he was referred to only as 'the main player' in the cryptic and nonsensical first few posts, which also refer to some 'disaster' which a wait at the airport clearly isn't, posters have quite rightly wanted clarity.

@FarFarWay

i did read it all, it's not clear, at all.

the car parking is now very expensive. I used to get to the airport early to mooch about & be at arrivals in plenty of time.

depends who I'm picking up now, his daughter who travels a lot I meet her outside in the pick up zone (still have to pay, but.not as much)

someone with a child who travels a lot, probably the same.

someone nervous (like you) with a child I'd meet in arrivals, but aim to arrive at the airport just after the flight lands. Else I'm paying for parking while you're walking from your gate, going through security & waiting for your baggage.

i presume his wife came to make you feel welcome otherwise you'd have been moaning she didn't even bother to come to pick you up.

it was your fault DD was hungry. Why didn't you take something for her to eat? It's not exactly unusual a child doesn't like airline food.

so she was tired & hungry- what problem did that cause?

why was the holiday a disaster?

very confused.

well i can work it out probably because i make similar sort of errors
she does have lovely hair