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Original poster

Expecting to be met at Arrivals

827 replies

FarFarWay · 27/08/2024 09:49

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

OP posts:
Original poster
FarFarWay · 27/08/2024 10:06

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 27/08/2024 09:58

It would've been nice for them to be there on time, but for whatever reason, they weren't. Maybe hair woman really wanted to come to meet you and wanted to look her best. It's not ideal that you had to wait, with a tired and hungry DD. But it is also not worth giving another thought to. Did you have a good time with them? Did they look after you?

Hair woman is my stepmother and by extension, a step-grandmother, for what that matters (to her, that is). We were staying at their house (another mistake) over Christmas. My daughter had never met them (apart from when tiny, which she would not remember.)

Beyond letting us stay under their roof - having been invited; I did not invite us - and witnessing their lives, no, they did not take care of us; I concealed this from my daughter, and she had as good a time as I could make it.
[The preparation they made for her coming was getting her a "colouring book, and a skipping rope"....]

OP posts:
Lovesacake · 27/08/2024 10:07

I can sort of see why they might have thought it would be nice/welcoming to all go to greet you together. I’d let that one go.
being late is a bit rude but not a massive deal, doesn’t sound like you were stranded for hours.
there isn’t enough info to comment on how the rest of the trip went but the airport bit doesn’t sound so terrible

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/08/2024 10:07

Expecting to be met at Arrivals

Well on the surface YANBU, but as you seem to think this did not happen YABVU,

You said that they live a 40min drive from the airport and set off right when you had landed. This was an international flight from London Heathrow to Japan.

Most international flights involve border control and collecting baggage/customs. It takes a minimum of 15mins to taxi to a gate and deplane. It would then take a minimum of 10mins to get through border control and likely another 10min to collect your bags and walk through the nothing to declare green lane of customs.

That’s 35mins.

So when they set off from a 40min drive away when you landed, they likely thought you’d only be waiting 5mins at the very most.

It seems like you waited longer…so perhaps they hit unexpected traffic and were delayed.

I don’t see how they did anything wrong. You were met at arrivals and they had left to collect you in a timely fashion. Why you think this was a disaster I can only ascribe to the sheer exhaustion of two long haul flights back to back making ten seconds feel like ten minutes.

No idea why there was any estrangement. They were obviously excited about your visit and made an effort to all show up to pick you up from the airport.

zaxxon · 27/08/2024 10:07

Sorry, but it's confusingly written. Are you and these family members estranged now? Since that visit? What went wrong then, to the point where someone called it a near-disaster?

SadieDadie · 27/08/2024 10:07

You're not saying how long you stood waiting.

BeBopBeBop · 27/08/2024 10:08

Ah cross post on who it was. Your Dad/ her Granddad plus stepfamily. It sounds like his overexcitement of meeting you and his Granddaughter, then some family expectations, maybe throw in a bit of jealousy or insecurity from his wife about a first marriage or relationship. Then everyone starts running late or has different expectations about how long it would take to get off the plane. They didn't factor in a food issue and Japan is full of small shops so wouldn't necessarily realise an issue. Sounds like it always had the potential to be challenging. He also probably assumed if he is Japanese you had instilled some of that culture into your child, and was maybe surprised you hadn't. But thats on him.

Again - how much do you care about ongoing relationships or his opinions, if it was that long between visits?

HelenWheels · 27/08/2024 10:08

no room in the car?
did she have to sit on your lap?

MermaidEyes · 27/08/2024 10:08

We are so uncultured, she had never had sushi at that time.

Not eating sushi doesn't make you uncultured! It's just fish. Some eat it, some don't. At that age I would never have travelled without extra food for the kids.

Overtheatlantic · 27/08/2024 10:08

Your writing style reads American casual and isn’t clear at all.

Thingamebobwotsit · 27/08/2024 10:08

FarFarWay · 27/08/2024 10:01

It wasn't a group, as in a group holiday.
It was my father - who brought along his wife and their two giant sons. There was no room in the car even.
My daughter had never net any of them, and I hadn't seen them for years.
The reunion could have taken place at the house.
And we had landed and were waiting at the airport before they even left the house. Bad manners if nothing else.

Show quote history

This feels more about the fact it was your Father not taking into consideration the needs of his daughter and granddaughter than the pick up thing per se. Some cultures expect the whole family unit to turn up at an airport and also routinely arrive late and we have had it happen to us too (different country). But the fact you are still holding onto this suggests there are bigger issues at play here and for that have a hug. Family dynamics are tough. But if you can, leave the individual issues at hand.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/08/2024 10:09

I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal,

How did this unfold? Why did they feel a need to explain any delay?

PearlClutzsche · 27/08/2024 10:09

Why was the trip deemed an “almost-disaster”?
Because they were a little late picking you up?

HappierTimesAhead · 27/08/2024 10:09

So, you hate your step mum

JaneAustensHeroine · 27/08/2024 10:10

Long flights are always tiring. Connecting flights impose a pressure. Airline food may or may not suit your child. Other people don’t always work on the same timescales as you. That’s all there is to it.

If you don’t like running to other people’s timetables then best not fly or expect them to transport you anywhere.

Bollindger · 27/08/2024 10:10

Sorry confused, you Dad mentioned the trip, in what way?

If he mentioned being late, you should have said, well it was in the past, we got to see your home.

Also your still upset about a 45 min wait for. Years ago! Wow.

Soontobe60 · 27/08/2024 10:11

So, you and your DD (8) travelled across the world to spend Christmas with your DF and family. Your DD didn’t like sushi. Your DF wasn’t at Arrivals when you stepped out from customs / baggage claim.

  1. Why did you not preempt your DDs food needs and take snacks? Or ask flight crew for different food?
  2. What time did your second plane land, and what time was it scheduled to land?
  3. did your DF know the flight details?
  4. Had you asked him to pick you up at a specific time?
  5. how long ago did this happen?
Original poster
FarFarWay · 27/08/2024 10:12

TitusMoan · 27/08/2024 10:00

We need to know how the daughter behaved. There is so much you’re not saying here.

She behaved fine; that's her nature - easy-going, a little bit shy - and appropriately "grateful".

Yes, there is a lot I'm not saying - I already failed at brevity and clarity. I maybe should have done bullet points.

OP posts:
Edingril · 27/08/2024 10:12

How does the title explain anything? It could be you expecting to meet someone at arrivals yourself as in they are arriving not you

And the title doesn't mention any specific person

So your tantrum about the title means nothing

Cherrysoup · 27/08/2024 10:12

Yabu. They didn’t turn up on time, yes, bit rude after a day of you getting there. What parent doesn’t take food for their child on that kind of trip? Blimey, I even took snacks for the dogs on a 4 hour trip! His ‘giant’ sons also came to collect you? How did you all fit in the car?!

Is your dad expecting you to visit again? I think I’d mention that you expected someone there to greet you, I definitely would after a planned arrival, it’s not like they didn’t know you were coming. Did they say it was because the wife was doing her hair? 😯

Nevernottrying · 27/08/2024 10:13

So basically, you didn’t prepare properly for the flight, you don’t like your step mother and you resent your step brothers .
Your post really says more about you unfortunately .

femfemlicious · 27/08/2024 10:13

@FarFarWay The way you wrote it is really weird and hard to follow 😕

DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 27/08/2024 10:14

You're coming across as a serial complainer.

Get over it. You had a family holiday to Oz. What a cracking experience.

If it was that awful don't do it again but get over it.

Also it wasn't the PP fault they couldn't understand your post. Your writing style is awful. Just be clear and get to the point.

Ponoka7 · 27/08/2024 10:15

"Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player."
What aren't you letting go? You having to wait 40 minutes? Yes you should let it go.
What's your child got to do with any of it? How is it being held against her?
What part was a disaster?

LeoOakley · 27/08/2024 10:15

OP, it sounds like you feel badly let down by your father in general, and expected more effort and welcoming from them when you visited them last Christmas.

2boyzNosleep · 27/08/2024 10:15

Your title suggests that your annoyed about not being met in arrivals, but then go on about several other issues that don't seem to be linked, with little information. That's why it's doesn't make sense.

1- long flights, then had to wait to be picked up by family. They all came so there wasn't much room for you & DD (so 6 people & luggage in 1 vehicle?). Annoying but not the end of the world. Airport parking is a fucking pain, if something was delayed such as luggage, then the ones collecting you would have had to pay extra parking or get fined for staying in a pick zone too long.

  1. Your DD was tired and hungry, for some reason you didn't buy her any additional snacks on the plane or when you got off?
  1. Your Dad said the trip was a diaster- but you've not said what else actually happened for it to be a disaster.
  1. You live in Australia, they're in UK. Your DD hasn't seen them since, yet she is blamed for this.
  1. What exactly is your DD being blamed for? The 'disaster' trip or not seeing them? No one can blame a child for not keeping in contact with family they never see.

OP, you need to explain what your problem actually is.