Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

So you’re just tight and inconsiderate?

You say you're upset about people's opinions on your posts...but you keep coming back with vague, odd comments like this.

@J3nnyFromTheBlock So you’re just tight and inconsiderate?

Who knows, who cares. I’d say sensible, personally.

Once upon a time I used to try and time airport pick ups for when the flight arrived, and estimate customs/baggage (still drive by, as I don’t care how much money I do/don’t have, I’m not giving the airport company the price of a small flat in order to park). I would track flight to make sure it was on track. That ‘consideration’ left me driving around circling for 4 hours as by the time I arrived for drive by, the plane, which had landed on schedule, was still sitting on the tarmac. Everyone still sitting in the plane being told there would be a delay with disembarking. 4 fucking hours. No point turning around, driving home for an hour, then driving back again for an hour, when chances are the minute I turned around they would let them off. 4 fucking hours. If you want to talk ‘inconsiderate’ there’s something to think on, but obviously no fault of the person being picked up, they didn’t want to be stuck in a large tin can any more than I wanted to drive around for 4 hours. So, rather than being right and inconsiderate, I strategised to avoid being stuck in such a shitshow ever again. I don’t exit my front door until I’m told those plane doors have physically opened, and I don’t care who is on the plane. It’s sensible. Maybe you are the type that likes potential shit shows though? Each to their own.

Well no. I’d just plan better.
no need for a shitshow at all.

What the heck are YOU doing on this thread? Your comment is about as (apparently) pointless as the one that I started with.

I am upset, but not that upset.....

It’s absolutely not clear!

I'm just making sure I don't miss any of the bizarre and random comments 😂

I live 40 minutes from an airport and never leave until the place has landed, there's passport control, luggage to collect etc. If you were through before they got there you'd have only had a few minutes to wait surely

Gosh , how rude.
No wonder your trip was a disaster if you brush people off like this.
Your piece is very oddly put together.

If you cannot be bothered to read posts that explain a little more, and even if you do, you want to make a dumb remark like this, you are making yourself look very stupid. And unpleasant. I will not explain further about the tenuous relationship that preceded the visit, which was by insistent invitation after a very long interval - which had not been my choice.. I paid for us to get there (from a student's budget), and for all requirements for both of us.

How ridiculous.
Me being entirely fed up of pointless and yet nasty comments, has absolutely nothing to do with how the trip played out. I cannot believe that you even bothered to take the time to write that (and am sure that YOU also are not the same on line vs in person...) - or that I am taking even a moment to respond to it.

That's nice for you then.

You don’t think responding ‘What?’ to a post is rude? You have a very selective idea of polite behaviour.

For those still "interested" - the story of France, and maybe of The Emery Board, will be incoming shortly.

(while waiting for the Plumber...)

I guess the plumber was a lot more punctual than estranged dad.

Plumber has been and gone.... I am now £150 poorer., but all things are working as they should.

Now, there's a word; "estranged".... I often wonder what the difference is, if it is not mutual. Then it just seems like disowning.
It is also something that is rarely actually decided, I think (despite all the LC, NC discussions, especially when it comes to Narcissists), bur rather that it comes about over time.
My father does say that we are (now) estranged - but I don't remember deciding or agreeing to that awful thing. It's just a (his) horrible get-out clause.

Just rambling - again. And I don't mind what anyone thinks about this post.

that's hard to come to terms with op@FarFarWay even if it is for the best

@Yummers8 , what exactly did you gain from posting that? Seriously?

@FarFarWay , it means 'no longer close'. It's not something you decide to be.

I can't remember when I last spoke to my sibling. I'd guess it was more than 10 years ago. It's not something I decided to do, we've not AFAIK fallen out,

@WrongSortOfPoster
Right.... even though it is an aspect of my life, I have not really thought about it that way; it does feel as though it has been forced on me rather. It would never be mutual - as I am too pathetic/optimistic/deluded...

So I guess I am estranged from my sister as well. The last time we saw one another I almost literally bumped into her on a bike ride through a National Trist property. We chatted for hours - and I gave her my number, sent her a birthday card the following month - and never heard a thing. I don't doubt [now] that the note with my number went straight in the nearest dog poop bin.

I guess there are levels of estrangement then --- if yours has come about without even any bad feeling to cause it?

There is a lot of backstory with my sister and I that plays a part, so it's understandable that we are "no longer close". We never were in all honesty - but we were ripped away from each other at a very young age. It's amazing that we ever connected at all, but we did for a little while.

@Yummers8
And I am really doubting your ability to read....

I have many many times thanked posters, taken on board their comments (will act on some of course), and tried in some way to deflect the ones that were comparisons in which I came off badly in some way and yes, outright dismiss the needlessly nasty ones. Which category would yours fit into I wonder.....

I think your father is emotionally manipulative.
i think you have some childhood trauma as a result of his behaviour.
i think you need to work out if you want this man (your father) in your life. You aren’t obliged to keep responding to his every whim.
i think you need some counselling to help you work through all this.