Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

I obviously cannot help you any further.
How old are you?

RTFT again. Hopefully you’ll get it the second time around, or years down the line.

🤣🤣

Well - now I'm not able to use the English language properly....
As well as AI
and possibly Neuro-diverse

IQ of 149 as well though.
( and that IS correct)

I hope that no-body - those willing to make themselves look bad, that is - thinks that I can have lived my life with the family I have and not have turned out utterly cold-blooded.
The sniping is irrelevant.
Really. You only make yourselves look like nasty human beings (which I am sure you aren't, generally speaking).

not clear at all.

Sorry but I have read it through twice and its as clear as mud to me................I get that no-one was at arrivals to meet you but I am totally lost as to what is supposedly being held against your daughter................

@FarFarWay It’s not worth you responding to PP like that. They’re just goading and looking for attention before they go and crawl back under their bridges.

That’s why the PP with half a decent IQ will respond to them on your behalf. At this point in the thread, you don’t need to respond, explain or prove yourself to these sad people.
A lot of us, understood you very well 🙂

To answer your actual question - it depends on what you had agreed in advance with regards to being met at the airport. Did he/they say he’d be at the arrivals gate when your flight landed, or arrange to meet elsewhere in the arrivals lounge, and did you have a contingency plan for if one of you got held up? It sounds like the arrangements were too vague for anyone to really know what to expect.

But reading between the lines, there’s obviously a lot more going on here. Blaming his wife is a bit rude and tacky and I’m kind of getting red flags about the kind of people they are. I think the whole thing is more about dysfunctional family relationships than airport pick-up etiquette.

@Greengrasswalks

Thank you!!!
Mwah! 🤗💕

I let myself be goaded then, didn't I?

The language of your post is baffling to me.
Particularly 'the main player's, 'crickets', all that stuff about people who might be important....

You did, but I can imagine how hard it is to not respond to personal attacks, albeit from anonymous randoms on the internet.

You and other OP’s are very brave to start threads on here looking for advice and support. I hope you have found understanding and solace from some of us on here. All the best on your journey to find peace.

Best wishes 🤗💗

You poor thing, how are you still living in the past. I would be so over that! Life is much too short for you to still be giving this mental headspace. You have to accept that people are different from you and accept them for who they are. I have nothing in common with my whole family but we get along because it just is. Move on! Be happy!

Honestly @FarFarWay , you clearly have longstanding deep issues from what sounds like an appalling childhood and drip feeding them incoherently all over Mumsnet and then complaining when people respond to what you say as opposed to what we should apparently have psychically realised you meant, isn’t ’goading’ you, it’s expecting you to be honest and accurate and responding accordingly.

You apparently just wanted loads of people to agree you are totally right, everyone else is wrong and you’ve been very badly treated. I think you probably have been but your victim mentality and ability to hold grudges over particular incidents for literally decades isn’t helping you in any way. Again, it’s not ‘goading’ you to point that out.

I’m not sure what response you expected?

I can't make head or tail of the post and it sounds like some AI nonsense.

But no I wouldn't expect someone to meet me at the airport unless they said they were going to meet me at the airport.

@pineapplesundae
Referring to the past doesn't mean living in it.

I'm sure that you, in your everyday life - and particularly with members of your family - can refer back to incidents and occasions at times.

When it's uncomfortable for people, it's not allowed, right?

Can you please move on (by)...

No? Most people really, really don’t, particularly not with such strong emotions still attached.

Well, that was the plan.
Otherwise this would have been even more of a non-story.

I didn't fly halfway round the world with an 8-year-old on a bloody whim.

OP I’ve just been reading your updates and my heart is breaking. It sounds like your father was/is emotionally abusive (or just emotionally not there for you), and then throw ND into the mix…. I have a narcissistic mother and my dad never wanted kids, and I’m ND too and pretty messed up! The fact you didn’t mention any of this in your original post suggests you haven’t fully acknowledged how much it’s all affected you - or you at least have low self-esteem and a tendency to still blame yourself for stuff. I do the same even though I’m well aware of how much my parents fucked me up. My sister had her kids in another country and stayed there in order to protect them from my mum’s emotional blackmailing etc. Sounds like your DF is similar and I honestly that, whilst it’s sad it can’t be different, it’s probably better for your DD not to have a relationship with her grandfather if that’s what he’s like. All I can say is, you’re not alone and I’m sorry for what your family put you through.

https://outofthefog.website/

🤗💕

Thank you @FeetLikeFlippers ; I am both pleased, and sorry that you can relate. It sounds as though your Mum has been (is) a nightmare. They don't get easier with age, I have found.

The (my) ND diagnosis is only courtesy of Mumsnet - so far.
x

I can't make head or tail of the post and it sounds like some AI nonsense

AI is easier to understand.

I've just read the OP for the third time, and it still makes no sense whatsoever.

If I had got all the way to NZ with an 8 year old then yes, I bloody well would expect to be greeted at the airport by my FATHER who seems not to give 2 hoots about you or his DGD. He should have made a huge effort to welcome you and make sure you had a great holiday, no wonder you are feeling aggrieved, he sounds rubbish! Possibly he only brought the sons on the promise of a McDonalds but imo he should have come on his own.

I don't actually believe you have. But good on you for trying.

Exactly what I was wondering.

@mcmooberry Ah, thank you for "getting" it.

He would never have let them have McDonalds; when they were younger than they were then, they were allowed only one packet of crisps per week.

I just think it was a bad and thoughtless call on his part (which was typical, but I shan't go into that!)