Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

What happened on the actual trip that was such a shitshow?

It’s clear you hate your SM and her children. It’s dripping from your posts.

I was going to post exactly this.

Very hard to understand, but when meeting people at airport I often wait in the service station on the M4 for Heathrow given the price of the shortterm parking and then leave that car park when they text to say they're waiting for bags etc.

I can't understand your post tbh. You went to Japan, it took 22 hours in total to get there and the Japanese side of the family were late picking you up from the airport? A bit annoying maybe but not the end of the world 🤷‍♀️ quite unusual for Japanese people to do that though, are you sure they knew which flight you were on?

Not read all pages sorry. This was the week before Christmas but it is the end of August now?

Not Japan, New Zealand via Japan.

Her father, stepmother and two half brothers - father and SM both English.

This was decades ago. From what I can tell (the OP isn’t particularly clear), her father has done / said something (not specified what) recently that has brought it all rushing back.

I think the not being there at airport first indication they weren't going to be made to feel very welcome on the trip and was probably a pattern of proceeding behavior that OP had with distance and time forgotten about/minimised - and then with child had to navigate. So trip wasn't as hope and cost her a small fortune.

I think someone now is trying to guilt OP that they didn't do more trips ie saw trip differently or are re-writing history which is upsetting OP and is blaming not visiting on not knowing OP child better.

I'm a bit late to the party on this one (a bit like your father OP) but I notice you didnt answer how long ago this was.

I can understand an 8 year old not liking sushi but a Macdonald's !!! I don't believe you sat in a Maccy D's for 40 mins & didnt eat anything.....🤯

FWIW.......my (now ex) wife & I went to Perth (Oz) for a wedding. Our plane was the last one to land & we exited baggage reclaim around 11.30pm to find no one waiting for us (should have been bride to be) waited around for 20-30 mins and one by one the taxis departed. We rang to see where she was & she thought it was the next day that we were landing. Eventually spent almost an hour at a deserted Perth airport.

It happens OP. You need to get over it. No big thing.

Surely up to you to arrange transport before had. I have an 8 year old who loves sushi...in fact all gwe friends do so perfect child's meal. If you not happy with the meal you as the parent should have bought snacks. Sorry I know you are tried but yabu here. And that one thing can't make the trip a disaster

No not clear at all actually. Far from it.

It sounds to me like this is something you're ruminating about, not so much because of the details, but because of what it represents - that even when you went (quite literally) halfway around the world for a family connection, your father didn't seem to hold you or your daughter in mind.

Personally, I try to meet guests at airports or train stations, particularly if they've come a long way. I would have felt hurt in your situation. After two long flights complete with a child, I'd have appreciated someone being there to say "yay, you made it!" and to help with luggage.

But ruminating on it now isn't going to change anything. You know who he is and where you and your family sit in his hierarchy of priorities. You can't make that change, but you can control what you do about it. You don't need to put Herculean efforts in to trying to force a relationship to be something that it isn't going to be - put that energy into the relationships that are positive in your life, with your daughter and husband, for example.

…so, the whole thing happened decades ago, probably before Mobile Phones became so ubiquitous.. so co-ordination of landing / collecting was a lot more difficult.

..and did we ever find out if OP took her fathers car with / without permission

Child is an adult now.

😂

Because getting four people ready and on time for an airport pick up at 8.30am on a Monday is very different from 3pm on a Sunday.

Back in the days before real-time updates on airline and airport website re departures and arrivals, or indeed the flight tracker app, my parents used to always leave the house at our scheduled landing time. Customs used to take ages. Immigration used to take ages. There were delays. Parking was extortionate and not easy to come by. I remember frequently waiting at arrivals for them to meet us (all kids and DH), and I remember them once having to wait over two hours for us. I totally got it.

Blimey. Yes, he should have met you when you arrived and not kept you waiting.

He's not going to change now so it's probably not worth the stress of keeping in touch.

I need to know more about the camping trip in France ...

I would have got a taxi from the airport as otherwise someone is inevitably hanging around waiting at the airport.

In the US to find the op guilty of stealing they would have to prove that she intentionally stole the car with no intent to return. Since she would have had her 8yo with her, gone to a family members farm, and left her stuff at her fathers, and then driven the car back, that would be impossible to prove so no one would bother even trying to call it stealing. NZ law defines theft as the taking property with intent to deprive the owner permanently of that property. It is very clear the op did not commit theft but carry on shouting loudly.

OP, your post and responses are all very jumbled and disjointed - they're really not very easy to follow.

I think you need to let this go. You clearly don't have a good relationship with your dad but I'm not sure why you're ruminating over something that happened 15? years ago.

They where late... end of. It's annoying but it's done now. And ot really something to hold a grudge about.

I think your father treated you and your daughter very discourteously. Flying long haul is exhausting, regardless of whether you have had something to eat and drink, and the chance to nap. Having to wait in Arrivals, for the person who invited you to come over, is unfair. I'm glad you enjoyed NZ, but as for your relationship with your father, I would consign that to the bin. He sounds callous. Your stepmother doesn't sound great either.
You have my sympathies.

ETA: if I'd realised this incident happened more than a decade ago, my reply would have been different.

I've attempted to read some absolute nonsense on MN before, but this is one of the worst.

Literally no idea.
Weird.

Ah it’s a stepmother post!

Yes stepmothers can be extremely irritating but OP gets to travel, and is moaning, don’t like it don’t go, far worse things to whine about.

I still haven’t been able to comprehend the OP, but I’m lazy today, and easily amused.