Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

What difference would that make?
It wasn't anything to do with traffic (according to her father)

OP you're not getting the responses you wanted because your writing style is whimsical and chaotic. Also the dates are confusing and you haven't answered the question of when this all happened or how long you actually waited for your pick up. From the above where the step mum is in her 70s now, but her sons in the story are 17/18 I'm guessing this is a story from near 20 years ago? And your daughter is no longer 8 and is actually an adult? Also you were low contact already with your dad and his second family following the trip years ago but have recently made contact again and the historical trip was brought up? I've pieced that together from your posts but have no confidence any of that info is correct as again it is very hard to work out your point
It might be better to start a new thread detailing the current issue you have with your dad and what has brought all this up now in the present.

I feel for you, OP. The bottom line here is that your father is somewhat of an arsehole. And you are trying to make sense of it (perhaps in a bit of a confused way, understandably).

I’d think about therapy to sort this out for yourself, especially as this one incident is still with you (probably because it represents a lifetime of his arseholery and general failing to care).

I wish you the best.

Your post is not clear at all and seems like one long and nonsensical rant. The structure and gramma is really poor.

You honestly need to get out a bit more! What a fuss! Your original post was confusing and did go on (and on and on!)

Ok, I’ve read it all. I think some posters recognise that for a person at the very centre of a situation, it’s not always easy to see the wood for the trees and to articulate how things are, you just know they feel wrong.

OP, your dad is a dickhead. He sounds horrible to you. and your stepmother sounds unpleasant.

Allow the estrangement to continue. Neither you nor your daughter will benefit from having these people in your life.

What stops you cutting contact?

I agree 100% some nasty people on this thread !

OP no way were you ‘entitled’ to want them to be there when you arrived despite them also putting you up !

I’d give up with your dad if I was you.

I think the op is being sarcastic/passive aggressive /taking the piss when she’s making this comment rather than actually thinking she’s uncultured.

You obviously know this is nothing to do with him meeting you at the airport or being late or McDonald’s, it’s just about how you feel he doesn’t value you or likes his new family better and doesn’t take personal responsibility for his actions. I know get therapy counselling is always said on here but it may help as the things you are describing aren’t a big deal but it’s what they represent.

You write like my mum talks 😅😅 my head hurts just trying to make sense of that

I see where you are coming from OP.

Very bad form on behalf of your father, his wife (of the hair) and their stupidly huge boys to be so late to collect you. Shoddy. And completely unnecessary for all of them to come to the airport so there wasn't even room in the car for you. They are all stupid and unthinking.

I wouldn't give them too much head space. However, if your father wants a relationship with your daughter he can try and nurture one, visit her, zoom, text etc, treat her like a treasured member of his family. I'm not sure how old your daughter is now but if still a child then it would be good if you encouraged her to engage with him. That's all you can do. The rest is up to them.

I haven’t rtft as it made no sense, something about sushi and being left at an airport.

Oh Jesus 😂I thought Christmas 2023 was bad enough!

The complaints about being picked up included
-late (back at the time this occurred which lm guessing was maybe even early 2000’s so it would have been hard to get an exact steer when they would have got through passport control and baggage collection)
-didn’t like who he had brought with him (definitely not her “giant” step or half brothers)
-something about MacDonalds but that bit was especially jumbled
-daughter “only” given colouring book and skipping rope. Maybe he pulled out a games console for her to take home, complete spare room re-fit and a Barbie Pegasus styling head (super popular in 2005 apparently) for the next visit

It's really not.

It's quite confusing with all the superfluous information about upgrades and downgrades, meals and main players and how many people travelled in the car.

You flew long haul one Christmas to visit family that you barely know. They didn't leave on time to pick you up at the airport and you're not over it yet. Is that the gist?

There's no statute of limitations on the feeling and the experience that your father has never loved you, and, what's more, blames you for it.

Just don't go again.
End of story.

So.... some untold amount of time ago... years? decades?...someone was late picking you and your "uncultured" 8 year old up at an airport... and now...

You are having... a mental breakdown?

Because none of this is at all clear. I do understand it is all their fault.

The airport is nothing to do with this, most people can entertain themselves for 40 minutes (collecting bags could take from minutes to hours after all) and be pleased that the whole family turned up for them. The issue is that your father has never made sufficient effort with you, he invited you on holiday but still didn't make much effort with you, and he argues with you a lot (whether your fault or his is irrelevant, there are arguments). However annoying you are, you deserved a father who adored you, and I'm so sorry you didn't have that. Cut the rope OP. You have your own little family, your brothers are old enough to keep in touch by themselves, and your father is not adding value to your life. Put your time and effort into those who reciprocate.

1. Long haul flights- you can carry snacks, and you could have bought some snacks as you waited for 40 mins.
2. A colouring book and a skipping rope is nice. I would carry stuff for my child to do when abroad. Unless this was a baby with a ton of equipment I wouldn't expect anything more. You also could have bought stuff for her when you reached and had settled in?
3. Yes it's not nice to wait 40 mins but it's not the end of the world.

They were all excited to greet you both.
If there wasn't room in the car, what did you do?

There is so much more, but the Airport one HAS stuck with me because it was such a big thing to take her all that way - and it was incredibly stupid of me as well.

I had similar moment with travel plans - they interfered with mine when I was traveling on public transport with all three very young kids made it a nightmare getting back when it had been straight forward getting there.

Took me to a much further station as "easier" in their view- had to buy new tickets kids had fallen asleep in car so grouchy and it ended up being over 2 hour journey back twice what it should have been and few tearful phone calls to DH - before apps made it all easier with routes and platforms. As DH said later 5 minutes more driving time they could have put us on our own doorstep ffs.

You just have to learn never to put yourself in position again - get taxi from airport stay elsewhere hire car or just not go again.