Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

Oh OP you sound a tad disgruntled....be nice ey

😳

OP the original post was about airport arrivals. What has unfolded from that is that your father and you have a strained and difficult relationship and maybe you were hoping for something restorative in this trip but it never happened.
I think honestly you have to accept that your father will not be a feature in your life and nor your DDs. I hope you have other friends and family who can support you instead

I think I would just give these people a wide birth in the future. Don't feel guilty about not visiting them.

She says it was a week before Christmas. So 9 months ago 😐

It is about so much more, but somehow, that event seem to symbolise such a lot that is wrong. There is so much more, but the Airport one HAS stuck with me because it was such a big thing to take her all that way - and it was incredibly stupid of me as well. But he is one for dangling carrots, and if you don't accept them he whips them away. Whips them away anyway, without even getting a bite, sometimes.
(Sorry, cryptic...)

I’m really just posting here @FarFarWay to say that I understand you. Your original post wasn’t the clearest but what is crystal clear is that you feel belittled, blamed and hurt by your father who showed little consideration to you or your daughter.

It’s obvious that you are now being berated by your father about this trip and that you are wondering what on earth to do with this constant feeling of lack of kindness or respect. You are obviously feeling defensive on behalf of your daughter too. I guess she may be being blamed that she doesn’t want to instantly form a relationship with someone who made little effort but now expects more as he’s moved back and is older?

This thread is a total shit-show full of keyboard warriors who are just looking to kick someone. No, the delay in picking you up isn’t the most enormous problem in itself but being late, having no space for your daughter in the car and then making you feel unwelcome throughout the holiday is a problem. You aren’t being unreasonable. I suggest you drop this thread and probably stop trying to make this relationship work, focus on other people and the things you want to do, and save your money to take holidays you enjoy! Take care,

Is that rolley eyes??? (mine aren't working)

Well, if it is, the balloon comment was a joke.
He would never. I would though.

As someone with neglectful parents...

Perhaps just stop hoping for carrots? Stop expecting him to be different. He can't be, it Is what it is. Decide what level of contact you can cope with before it starts being detrimental to you, even if that's zero, and do that.

This is a bit of a non-event, but it's clear that it feels important to you in the context of your relationship, and that you don't particularly like him. It's also clear that the two of you don't really get on, and he is not a good father to you.

So let it go. Wish it was different, if you want, but bless and release what you have. You'll feel a lot better for it.

When was the flight due to land?

When did it actually land?

I've been late to pick up people from the airport before, because it landed much earlier than it was scheduled to land, and that was only a 2 hour flight.

It’s really NOT clear.

This was his daughter and granddaughter and he hadn't seen them for years. So yes I'd expect him to jump at the chance to pick them up.

If this is how you communicate to others, it's no wonder they ( whoever they are) couldn't work out what they were supposed to be doing.

You can track the flight and find out if it on time or not.

But he did pick them up. Just didn’t meet her exacting standards!

@FarFarWay I think the above post sums it up perfectly. Is this ‘father’ of yours really worth this much effort? Perhaps it’s time for a slow fade…..

Um, he did pick them up.....?

@Longma

What does <br /> mean? And does everyone except me know?

@TruthorDie

Nothing exacting about expecting him to pick her up when she arrived. She'd done a 22 hr flight as he wanted her to visit. The very least he could have done was arrive on time.

Maybe read the OPs posts? Her father is English, his wife is English. The plane just happened to do a stop over in Japan.

"We were camping, in France. And that's another whole story (which I am of course, not relaying here.)"

I actually want to hear it, especially if you can relate it in proper chronological order.

Oops, rookie mistake. Read first page and then lost the will.

@YouveGotAFastCar
I don't hope for them though (or didn't...). he thinks he can offer something - the trip to NZ being an example - that somehow "makes up" for what he never did when I was younger. But he can't. They don't.

Each time, he has said, "this will be a new beginning..." but still treats me like a worthless nuisance. So whatever I do is not enough - and yet still, too much.
The carrots and ideas are always his, never mine. Would I dare?? There is nothing I could offer that he would be interested in.

And yet, he still complains that other children he abandoned, my daughter his first grandchild, and others "don't care about" him.
The others, who have never known him, are not as damaged by him. But are (I suspect) in other ways.
Heck, even the Giant Brothers (which was a joke, for someone who thought I was being offensive; I meant Tall...) are damaged, and they have had all he wanted to offer. Certainly have good and interesting lives, and softer landings. And parents who (I think) love them.