Expecting to be met at Arrivals

[FarFarWay]

(OK, this a while ago - but |I have never cleared it up in my mind; I need other opinions.)

Travelling with an 8 year old, to meet people who I don't really know (even though technically family), and who the child has never met.

Two flights (one upgraded, the other downgraded, by comparison; no spare time in the airport in Japan, just a mad dash to find the plane!), about 22 hours in the air total, plus the travel down to Heathrow/check-in etc. (Also a week before Christmas). Almost the only child on the flight, and even though a "special meal", most of it was not to her liking - not fussy but never eaten sushi etc. So she was a bit hungry and tired when we landed.

The people we were to be staying with lived approx 40 minutes away.
Not only did a carful of people who my eight year old had never met, EVENTUALLY turn up - but we had to sit and wait for them to get there.

Before anyone says "Let it go....". The main player of that group has recently brought up the trip, and what a (not-quite-but almost-) disaster it was - but the then eight-year-old has never seen these (important, arguably) people ever again, and this is now being held against her by the main player.

Despite appearances, I am not a grudge holder but, in my over-thinking way, I have actually tried to figure out the actual science of this flight and how much time was needed for them to be there to greet us. And I am a bit pissed at the "they", as the delay was blamed on the wife element doing her hair, when she really did not need to come as well, as it made the whole thing into a bigger deal, when we - and especially my daughter - would have really appreciated it being casual and low key - let alone there actually be someone - anyone - present, when we came through the Arrival doors to ---- [crickets].

By my (bad) calculations, they didn't even set off until we landed.... but due to the time-travel aspect of hours behind/ahead, am I getting it wrong?

(PS - on the one hand, this light-hearted, but on the other - as I said, she has never seen them again, and so sometimes, it seems like it happened yesterday.)

So is it your father who has now brought it up?
Is he blaming you for not being in touch since the holiday?
Why has he not been in touch with you ?
Why is it all on you?

You weren't wrong. People are bonkers. The cost of parking, maybe them having to wait round after you'd done a 22 hr £1,800 to visit them. Your father should be ashamed. I'd have been at the airport impatient to see my DD and my GC if I hadn't seen them for years. I can't believe people would be worrying about paying for car parking, it might be expensive but compared to what you'd spent it would be petty to worry about it.

As for the remarks about your DD and sushi, well people on here can never quite grasp that we are all different, likes and dislikes, allergies, vegans and vegetarians. I don't like sushi and I don't give a damn if that shocks and horrifies people because at least I'm broadminded enough to accept we don't all like the same things.

As for the remarks your father's wife made they are so nasty and reflect really badly on her, if they are true they also reflect badly on him.

I hope after that holiday you decided to take some lovely fun holidays and left your father and his lovely wife to their own devices.

So just in summary, it wasn't about the fact that you waited, it was the fact that you wanted him to come alone with no other family members. I personally don't think he done wrong bringing them, they've all made the effort to come and greet you. If they weren't interested they wouldnt have bothered.

Yes, YABU. Why do they have to meet you? I travel 14 hours to see family and take a taxi. Why couldn’t you?

How long she waited or how long ago this is, isn't as important as people are making out. Any answer will serve to provoke responses along the lines of oh get over it, I've waited longer than that etc...

So the exact amount of minutes she waited doesn't really matter ... it probably felt like ages at the end of a long long flight. She had to wait that's it.
It also doesn't really matter exactly how long ago this was. It sounds like a long time.

The issue is that the OP has a difficult relationship with her father who criticises her and now has more recently been complaining about her DD not having a relationship with him and also blaming the DD, an 8 year old child at the time, for a "disaster" of a visit.

He doesn't sound like a pleasant man and the recent comments have brought all this back up again. The airport/visit were an example of how he made her feel at the time.

He sounds like a really rubbish father, OP. I'm so sorry you don't have a loving, functioning father.

I think this: she didn't really want to see them.

Jesus. I love the way the OP has casually thrown in that she took her father’s car OMG. The outraged armchair warriors are out on this thread.

Why is it not unreasonable to be upset about not being met at the airport when you have flown out on a 22 hour journey specifically to see your DF who invited you and for his DGD to see her DGF?! And why does it matter if she borrowed his car for one day? This is one tiny extraneous detail in the whole story that really does not matter.

Some posters say they wouldn’t care. Fine. But it’s not unreasonable and the OP is not being a princess to be upset herself.

I plan my airport pick ups taking arrivals into account the time needed to collect luggage and go through customs etc but still to be there for when they come through arrivals. It’s something really lovely to welcome friends and family and wave as they come through the doors. I also love watching other families greet each other. It’s what many families do! Though the step uncle’s coming to the airport would seem nice to me personally.

Well he should have been.

None of it was particularly clear to be honest.

Get to the actual point in your OP instead of drip feeding throughout the thread.

You have issues with your Father, you don’t like his 3rd Wife with the hair and her two giant Sons took up loads of space in the car and didn’t need to be in the car to meet you and your Daughter at the airport. They were late and took you to MacDonalds!

You were invited but not happy you had to pay your own way 100%

They we’re not hospitable, considerate or accommodating.

You should not have gone on the trip. Maybe you need to go LC/NC.

@MyCatHatesSandals

Thank you so much - and you are right
Yes, it has felt that what has happened here echoes what happens with important "family" in real life. Therefore, I am the common denominator.

I appreciate your wise words and understanding and advice.
x

It seems as though his being late was just on more sign of his emotional neglect
and that hurts I get it OP Sending thoughts

Thank you... Honestly? I really thought that's what would happen.

Silly I know.

Maybe a balloon or two?

I have a feeling this thread is about the airport but not about the airport. How long ago did this happen, OP?

Because he said he was meeting her. Would have been a bit odd if he'd arrived at the airport to find she'd jumped in a taxi and was waiting at his house.

Honestly, if this was an event that happened quite some time ago, who cares?

Perhaps the collecting party were trying to minimise the time they were paying for every expensive airport parking, and you got through customs/baggage claim etc faster than they anticipated?

I don't understand why your 8yo is being blamed for this...? Unless there was actually something else that happened, like she had a massive tantrum.

But at the end of the day, if these people are not your own blood relatives (and your post implies they aren't), and you don't much care for them, then them being 22 hours away is a very good excuse for not bothering to visit them again.
If they want to come here, then great, or if DD wants to visit on her own once she's old enough, then also great. But you're not inclined to trek 22 hours away again.

Oh it was - time after time after time.
He thought HE was giving ME a chance though. When really (and wrongly) I have been giving him "chances", forever it seems.
Just need to be grateful to breathe the same air.
(/s)

It’s her father, stepmother and either half or step brothers.

forgive mis type - 'one more sign' -not 'on'sign

They’re her dad, stepmum, and two half brothers.

@FarFarWay how old is your daughter now, does she want a relationship with them?

Not an unreasonable thought. I'd have been so excited, I can't even imagine what it must be like to go years without see my DD and GC.

I realise that @zingally has only read the OP or early ones, so I know it wasn't clear, which was my mistake.

They are my half-brothers, about 16 years younger than me.

This. I used to live near Heathrow and it was impressive how many people thought l would jump at the chance to pick them up or drop them off! Funnily enough at 8am on a Monday l am on the way to work typically, rather than available do a pick up / drop off with you and mountains of luggage

OP sounds entitled and precious. If someone is doing you a favour you need to be less controlling and prescriptive. Rarely do people make it through arrivals quickly so there is rarely any point arriving at the time the flight arrives

And it's quite clear.

It really isn't. Anyway, it all was ages ago, very minor in the grand scheme of things and most importantly nothing anyone can do about it now. Let it go!