These teachers and their questionable choices

[Whitesparkled123]

1 of these teachers is a mum at my DC school and she doesn't teach at the school. One of them is a teacher at my DC school and the other is a teacher at another school. They are all friends with each other. I'm trying to be vague as this could be outing.

I'm not really that close to them but know of their partying lifestyle. All 3 have children. They often go to raves, parties and do drugs. I found out last week that 1 of them held a party and couldn't find childcare so left their children in their home whilst partying at the bottom of their garden (which is quite far). They were all there and were all on drugs. The school mum host got people to take it in turns to watch the children. Often after they have been out and are on come downs they have their children.

I've just seen one of them has been to a well known event in London. Her whole family went including the children. She's posted pics and her youngest DC is asleep on the floor (it was held on the streets). I'm shocked. I just think why would you put your own needs above those of your children.
But what can I do? I can't actually prove any of this. Plus I'm not ok with them being teachers and coming into work on the Monday with a potential come down.

Policing my choice of verb feels a bit over the top..

My issue isn't whether someone is addicted or not.

I grew up in a deprived area where I saw drug TAKING (is that better than use?) significantly exacerbate existing problems. A friend died when I was 15 from taking a mixture of drugs at a party. From working in mental health I've seen the horrific impact regularly smoking cannabis and taking other drugs has on a significant number (not all, but significant!) of people. From my current work I have seen the effects on young children and their families of county lines. I am also very aware of the journey those drugs have been on to get to us and the number of people in other countries who've been exploited and hurt along the way.

You (and supposedly 50% of the country?!) can choose to ignore that so you can have fun on a Saturday night but I disagree.

Yep!
It doesn't make a difference that they are teachers, unless you can prove under the teaching standards that they are bringing the profession into disrepute ( their school night out involves drugs and they behaved poorly, they use drugs in school)

And knowing the families I work with, where drugs are a frequent issue, children ‘sofa surfing’ in the community, mum passed out in a field, ‘dad’ dealing - SS haven’t the capacity to be as involved as you or I would like them to be. Frequent happenings sadly.

I dont drink alcohol as it happens, but I think the difference between a legal and an illegal substance is vast in terms of supply chain ethics in particular. But also in terms of safe doses, cleanliness.

I have never sat in a pupil exclusion hearing for a child whose life has been ruined by being recruited to supply gin and tonic. I have sat in many due to county lines issues.

People are really blinkered. They genuinley believe that their drug supplier is a tiny one man band who has never exploited anyone. I do know of course cannabis in particular is grown by people who dont but not in the quantities that could possibly supply the sheer numbers doing this. I mean I have a courgette plant that is pretty prolific,but...

I think some types of recreational drug could be legalised in the way alcohol and cigarettes are but they currently aren't so its a false equivalence. Maybe they all could. I'm much more into a public health way of dealing with drugs than criminal but the system we have is crime based.

But there is zero evidence they do, OP imagines they do, which is very different to what is actually happening.

"Even if you are right and they are off their face every weekend they are not a risk to your or other peoples children. I highly doubt that they are turning up to work drunk or on drugs."

I don't doubt for a second that a lot of "professionals" would fail random drug wipes at 9 am on a Monday morning. Or any morning. In my town, you can't drive or walk anywhere without smelling cannabis or whatever synthetic crap people are using as a coping strategy.

They need better coping strategies.

I think any sort of drug use is unacceptable at any time.

Used to drink 🍷 responsibly around the DC, and other people's DC socially of a weekend. Never drink and drive, never been to work drunk or under the influence, never looked after other people's kids while drinking.

It's not pearl clutching it's about boundaries. They seem to have disappeared . In the 80s there were just say no/heroin screws you up campaigns - the message hit home that drugs are for losers. Now they're accepted and justified, possibly because life is so shit and stressful for most people.

Yup.

And an ex-colleague of mine, Professor Nutt who is an extremely intelligent, qualified and experienced neuropsychopharmacologist who was appointed as the chairman of the advisory council on the misuse of drugs under the Gordon Brown government was sacked because he published a paper saying horse-riding was statistically more dangerous to the individual and society, than taking Ecstasy.

Which was manifestly true and he had the stats to back it up but it wasn't a popular idea when there was much hysteria around recreational Ecstasy use. Thousands of young people using it on a weekend and the death of Leah Betts a few years previously-which was tragic but due to water intoxication and not being killed by the drug, was apparently going to lead to the collapse of society.

Except it didn't and still hasn't. Because people taking it recreationally generally just have a nice night and might suffer anxiety and low mood a few days later, but they certainly weren't and aren't, getting into fights, being domestically violent to partners or indulging in other violent or sexual offences where alcohol use is heavily correlated and a significant factor; both in perpetrators and victims.

The recent riots and disorder in the UK were abhorrent and dealt with harshly by the criminal justice system but the sheer number of people involved who were pissed out of their minds or at least under the influence was stark.

So..to my main point, Prof Nutt also came up years ago with evidence-driven list of harms, physical, dependence potential, and social harms, which positioned alcohol and tobacco as 5th and 6th, behind heroin, cocaine, barbituates and methadone (a prescribed drug designed to combat opiod addiction) and above cannabis, LSD and ecstasy.

Which also wasn't popular in a society like the UK with a terrible drinking culture but one which benefits the government through duty taxes.

This

Well said.

All those condoning recreational use of drugs and likening it to alcohol are either really ignorant to the damages or choose not to really think about it .

It's an underworld that I hope you never have to encounter.

The biggest issue for me is not the drug taking per se - I have no issue with people letting their hair down at the weekend etc. But if you’re responsible for the well-being of young people, whether at the party or in the days after at work (while on a come down), I think you need to behave like a mature adult and exercise at least some caution

Nobody is condoning it.

Just going on statistics where alcohol misuse is a huge burden on the NHS due to the physical effects.

And a huge burden on child social services dealing with parents with alcohol misuse disorders.

And significantly playing a part in violent offending of all types but for MN users, who I feel are particularly concerned about violence against women, is significantly correlated with domestic violence against women, and sexual and homicidal offences against women.

And also plays a part in the likelihood of women becoming a victim of male violence. Of course, the responsibility is always on the offender but many women are victims of male sexual and homicidal violence when they were intoxicated and their awareness of safety and their usual decision making was impaired by alcohol intoxication.

And I am in no way victim blaming, just stating statistical facts. Intoxicated people make different decisions to when they are sober and that is fact.

Could you contact the head teachers with your concerns? They will maybe speak to the staff members concerned? I don't know, I don't know if there is a resolution here as technically they are doing it in their own time, and if their managers don't have any concerns with their teaching abilities then I don't know if they would take it further.

I honestly don't know how I feel about this (not the kid falling asleep bit, I don't think that's an issue, but the excessive drug taking) because if my daughters teacher was sober and present whilst she was teaching, and my child was safe and happy and engaged, I can't say that it would be my business what they do on their own time. If it was affecting then whilst they were working then that's not right at all.

So if you are a law breaking twat it doesn't matter? Which laws do you draw the line at underage sex, GBH or theft ? Come you don't get to pick and choose.

Sorry that my input to this thread has stressed you out so much!

But we dont know if they even take drugs, if there is a come down at all. OP is projecting these things seemingly on those teachers.

I think you need to behave like a mature adult and exercise at least some caution

Which these teachers may well be doing. We have an OP who moves from “not really that close to them” but has “heard” to “I seen it” after some challenges about being a massive gossip. It’s not very convincing tbh

Like it or not, teachers have to be much more careful than people in other jobs. In the last school I taught in, a parent made a complaint that they saw a teacher in a local pub seeming "slightly tipsy". Rather than standing up for the teacher (who it turned out wasn',t even drinking anyway)he head's response was if they heard any other such comments, it would be a disciplinary matter. After leaving a party because I wasn't sure if I had seen a parent, I decided it was time to leave that school.

If this was a mum on benefits getting off her face with her mates to “relax” I bet the replies would be very different

@Singleandproud @SummerFade @Frowningprovidence @SlothOnARope

Thank you for your answers. I can understand your perspectives a bit more now. That’s not to say I agree, but I can at least see why you would have that outlook. I come from a culture where cannabis isn’t a big deal at all (but harder drugs are seen as ‘dirty’ - not a view that I personally hold even though I don’t partake myself). Same with alcohol, even though it’s generally viewed as more harmful than cannabis.

I'm sure that's not true. If it's in a public sector which doesn't involve looking after vulnerable people then perhaps but when they look after kids it's a different situation.

I've read everyone's responses. I want to say how utterly shocked i am at the responses. Posters calling me names and others names because we don't condone illegal activities and thinking about the safety of the school children and their own children. I hope you all feel happy with yourselves that this is your stance. It's crystal clear here who would turn a blind eye and who may even take drugs themselves and think it's then OK to be around children. Your words don't upset me, but I feel sorry for you that you think this. Shame on you.

As I previously mentioned I don't want to say too much as it could be outing. But I know in myself the truth of what I've seen and heard. In my OP I spoke of 2 events. There's been more but I'm not going into them for outing reasons.

I've come onto MN to ask for opinions and advice as I really thought all people would see it wasn't acceptable. Of course I care about their children and the school children. I'm not jealous or hateful. I'm just thinking about the welfare of them. I'm not a gossip either, just trying to gage what to do and the best way to go about it.

Teachers do have a higher standards and that's what they agreed to by signing their contract. They read the teaching standards and their codes of conduct. You are trusted to look after children, to safeguard those children. To also look after your own kids.

I grew up with my parents getting wasted at parties whilst I was young and I was there. I hated it. I felt unsafe. I don't drink hardly now, and I certainly wouldn't around my DC. That's my choice but I know the impact. These other people are so naive to the impacts their actions can have.

Still haven't called social services then?

You still haven’t made clear just how you know these thing OP. As I said before, if you are certain this isn’t malicious gossip and have actually seen drug taking with your own eyes then report them.

However, your own personal experience and morality around drinking is not relevant to teacher’s standards, especially since you seem to think that having a drink with friends in your own back garden or attending a festival is immoral and irresponsible. Unless you have more than that to report then I wouldn’t bother.

This is one of those threads where the OP never gets back to say what they did and what happened as a consequence.

Precisely @echt because what the OP really wanted was a good bitch fest about what terrible people these total strangers (to us) are and how saintly she is.

This very much reminds me of The story line of Wicked Little Letters. Is someone doing a creative writing assignment?