Accomplishment? I thought in today's consumerist society your role models were the WAGs who lie on their backs, give sex, have their hair done, look good and marry a rich man. Surely the woman who gets the rich man and never works again is the accomplishment of 2008? I think that's morally wrong - becoming a housewife etc but it's the prevailing ethos, consistent with Martha Stewart woman at home, happy little home maker, not sullying her pretty little head with wanting to run a hedge fund because after all women aren't clever enough or ambitious enough to be surgeons or chair Tesco or run the country. Or so people will think if women keep wimping out and giving up work to mind children and keep the house clean.
I shall have to found the Feminist Republic of Xenia on my island unless women start doing a bit better.
On the topic of after school club depends, doesn't it? The one at the private school the tiwns sometimes used is run by a lovely older lady, they did supervised homework, ate, played. Lovely arrangement. There were teacher couples using it for before and after school care so they could continue their careers as teachers etc. I don't really see the children as damaged. Some stay at home parents aren't much good anyway and I doubt their children are better home by 3.30 watching TV. I actually preferred the days they got home all homework done in the club as our time in the evening was more chatting than getting homework done so that is another advantage of some of these clubs at some schools. School day length as an impact too. My twins finish at 4. They're 9. Some state schools have much older children finishing just after 3. Are they damaged the private school children by having that extra hour of learning or advantaged by it?
Someone asked me above in effect about amount of time two working parents send with say under 3s when both work. Depends on the couple, doesn't it? Our nanny left at 6. Usually my husband got back first as his school day ended at 5.45pm unless he had something on after school. I was home by 6.30 most days. We had sleepless babies sadly so God knows how many hours with them before morning. But lots of lovely special time breastfeeding in the dark and warm. Then holidays? The nanny had 4 weeks off a year. She never came on holiday with us. I would have got that too plus bank holidays in those days. Their father was around as a teacher but you can't tread on the nanny's toes but they could break up the children one have one the other have the others and he idd work in school holidays -teacher pay is so poor many have to. When they were older we had different child care arrangements. Lots of children remember fondly their holidays with both parents and although I think you need consistent love and cuddles as a small child from the same people I don't think f it's 4 hours a day rather than 16 or something that is going to damage you irretrievably for life and indeed as seen above it can benefit you.
What always surprises me is some stay at home mothers think they are God's gift to parenthood that no one on this whole planet except possibly their husband is going to be able to look after that child properly. It's a kind of ego complex they get. I feel they need more humility almost, to believe I am not the best, that the nanny, my husband, my mother, teachers at school may all be even better than I am so let's give this child a chance to be exposed to these other people. As long as you avoid different carer every few months, as soon as child builds bond the father leaves or latest lover leaves or nanny goes, then the children will be fine. Even if you do have change at nursery or with lovers or with nannies or the beloved granny dies as long as there remans consistency of care with some adults, mother or father, children are fine too.