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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry my 13 year old isn't 'normal'

98 replies

TwoNoMore · 26/08/2024 12:07

I have a 13 year old DS who would rather chew off his own arm than come out with me and his little sister. I see other kids his age who happily go out with their mums still?

Have I done something wrong parenting my son for him to be this way or is it normal?

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 26/08/2024 12:18

That's quite normal for a teenager. He's getting to the age where he wants to be more independent and go out with friends of his own age rather than boring mum and little sister!
Do you ever take him out in his own to do something he might like?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/08/2024 12:20

Seems pretty normal at 13, how old is his little sister?

LoremIpsumCici · 26/08/2024 12:21

Normal. A lot of it is flexing their new autonomy in that since they don’t have to go out with you, they will choose not to go out with you as it makes them feel all grown up and not a little kid. It is usually chasing this feeling of being a teen and the thrill of being home alone rather than dislike of you or any younger siblings that is the driver.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 26/08/2024 12:36

Me and most of my friends were taking every opportunity to stay home alone when we were that age. Partly because it felt independent, and grown up etc.

And mostly (sorry!) because it was an opportunity to have a wank without anyone barging into our rooms, or having to lock ourselves in the bathroom.

Ozgirl75 · 26/08/2024 12:51

I have a just 14 year old and he’ll happily do stuff with me, but not if it’s something he doesn’t want to do! So he’ll come out to the shops, we went ice skating and out for lunch at the weekend, he’ll come out for a bush walk but if I asked him if he wanted to come and watch his brother do a music concert for example (a true example!) he would prefer to stay at home.
He enjoys being at home by himself and I used to at his age too so it’s fine.

MereDintofPandiculation · 26/08/2024 13:14

At about that age, DS2 negotiated staying with his best friend for a week rather than come on a family holiday.

I also remember being greeted by a bunch of teenagers in the street "Hello, DintDS's mum!" and it wasn't till they actually passed me that I realised DS2 was bent double behind them trying not to be noticed.

So your 13 year old sounds totally normal.

Octavia64 · 26/08/2024 13:15

I don't think there will be many 13 year olds who are happy to go out with their mum if they aren't either being bribed or have to.

He's completely normal

Idontevenknowmyname · 26/08/2024 13:17

Normal, yes.
I’m more surprised when my teens say they will come out tbh.
They even quote the ‘rules’ at me when I’m the one staying home alone (though I am allowed to answer the front door, so that’s nice 😁)

PTSDBarbiegirl · 26/08/2024 13:19

Let him be. He’ll thank you for it and you’ll have the next 5 years minus bad vibes.

KreedKafer · 26/08/2024 13:21

Totally normal. Just because some kids his age are happy to hang out with their mum and little sister, that doesn’t make him abnormal because he doesn’t want to.

He’s 13 and has raging hormones and is at an age where he wants to do his own thing and be more independent, and probably prefers the company of his mates (or just himself) rather than his mother and his little sister.

My brother’s six years older than me, and while he did come on whole family days out with both my parents and our older sister, he wouldn’t have wanted to go out and do stuff with just me and my mum. My mum and I used to go out for the afternoon/day sometimes in the school holidays and I don’t have any memory of him ever coming with us.

Original poster
TwoNoMore · 26/08/2024 13:23

Thanks everyone I feel reassured now. He point blank refuses to do anything with us or even me for that matter and I was fine with it and understood until I saw other boys his age going out with their mums or with their mums and little siblings and thought maybe I'd done something wrong

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 26/08/2024 13:23

I'd say especially for boys, it's totally normal at that age to find spending time with your mum, especially in public, unbearably cringe!
There's nothing to worry about there at all. Some other kids might not mind it, but I doubt they'd choose to hang out with mum over their mates if they had a choice!

loropianalover · 26/08/2024 13:25

Of course you only see the teenagers who are out and about with their parents - you don’t see the 90% of them who refused to leave their room!

Very normal - I’d say from 12 to 16 I wanted to be alone pretty much all of the time, I loved my room.

Original poster
TwoNoMore · 26/08/2024 13:26

On the back of this, am I wrong for not making him come on family days out? I've been told I should force him to come when we go to the zoo or play areas or something

OP posts:
Carouselfish · 26/08/2024 13:30

At that age I'd only go into town with my mum by walking five metres behind her 😂Best of friends before and after. Just a phase.

FacingTheWall · 26/08/2024 13:31

TwoNoMore · 26/08/2024 13:26

On the back of this, am I wrong for not making him come on family days out? I've been told I should force him to come when we go to the zoo or play areas or something

Forcing him won’t end well. However my kids would always (still do) love a zoo. Play area not so much at 13! Do you ever do things for him, and it’s the little sister that has to trail along disinterested? Or is it always the other way around?

Freefie · 26/08/2024 13:32

Normal in my experience too. Have you not seen Kevin and Perry?

My boy turned into a lovely man but he went through a bit of a stage as a teenager. Don't panic OP!
One thing he'd always do with me is hiking. How about having a chat with him and find out what he would like to do?

TheaBrandt · 26/08/2024 13:33

You need to adjust your parenting. Keep seeing posters on here advocating parenting teens as it they were 6 - shouting at them making them do things. They are growing up and you need to respond to that.

user1471538283 · 26/08/2024 13:34

My DS at that age would go places if they interested him. If they didn't he wouldn't. He was just flexing his independence as your DS is. He wouldn't have gone to a zoo but would tramp about Roman ruins so it's just about finding out what your DS likes to do and do that.

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 26/08/2024 13:36

TwoNoMore · 26/08/2024 12:07

I have a 13 year old DS who would rather chew off his own arm than come out with me and his little sister. I see other kids his age who happily go out with their mums still?

Have I done something wrong parenting my son for him to be this way or is it normal?

Er.. he’s a teenager? Of course he doesn’t want to be seen with his mom and little sister 🤣

longdistanceclaraclara · 26/08/2024 13:51

TwoNoMore · 26/08/2024 13:26

On the back of this, am I wrong for not making him come on family days out? I've been told I should force him to come when we go to the zoo or play areas or something

A 13yo doesn't want to go to a play area.

Mine will come quite willingly if it involves food, shopping or a Starbucks. We still do days out which they are happy with at the moment eg went to the beach last week but zoos / farm parks etc are long gone, and I wouldn't expect them to join in for a younger sibling.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 26/08/2024 13:55

TwoNoMore · 26/08/2024 13:26

On the back of this, am I wrong for not making him come on family days out? I've been told I should force him to come when we go to the zoo or play areas or something

Why would you force him? He’ll be pissed off, you’ll be pissed off and nobody will have a good time. Leave him at home, he’ll be happy, you’ll be stress free and everyone will have a good time.

rainbowstardrops · 26/08/2024 13:56

TwoNoMore · 26/08/2024 13:26

On the back of this, am I wrong for not making him come on family days out? I've been told I should force him to come when we go to the zoo or play areas or something

He's 13, he won't want to go to the zoo or play park with his little sister! How old is she?
Do you take him to places more geared for teenagers?

theduchessofspork · 26/08/2024 13:57

Sounds 100% normal to me

It does pass..

Original poster
TwoNoMore · 26/08/2024 13:57

Thanks everyone. I've offered for him to pick days out for us all or just me and him but he always has the same response which is 'I can't be arsed' or 'I can't be bothered'

OP posts: