To worry my 13 year old isn't 'normal'

[TwoNoMore]

I have a 13 year old DS who would rather chew off his own arm than come out with me and his little sister. I see other kids his age who happily go out with their mums still?

Have I done something wrong parenting my son for him to be this way or is it normal?

No - major events like meals out for granny’s birthday - yes, but it’s perfectly reasonable for him not to want to do little kid trips to zoos and definitely not play areas - dragging a teen boy to those is actively odd

Some older kids will still enjoy the zoo (mine do) but no 13 year old should be forced to go to a play area, and you should ignore whoever it is who thinks they should!
He's obviously grown out of the things he used to enjoy, but perhaps he's not discovered what he might actually enjoy now. You could suggest different things, something might pique his interest

What does he do at home when you’re out?

If it’s just screens, maybe it would be good for him to get out a bit too. But if he’s got other hobbies going on, nothing wrong with leaving him to it imo.

I'd consider it more abnormal if a 13 yr old boy still wanted to hang out with his mum and little sis tbh.

All the 13 yr old boys you seem to think are still hanging out with their mums have more than likely been forced to, unless their mums are taking them somewhere to meet up with friends (trampoline park, skate park, climbing park etc).

Are you taking him places that keep a little girl entertained, but not so much for a lad in his teens?

Completely normal - you are lucky he lasted til 13

What a 13 year old wants to do vs what is best for their MH are not always the same.

My 13 year old DS has to be out of bed and un-grumpied by 10am! If he behaves like a polite human being he can have screen time later.

He us coming out with us today on the basis he gets screen later!

My son was 13 when I took him into town to buy a designer top. On the way home he refused to sit with me on the bus. At the time I resented having treated him but soon realised it was normal.

Don't make him do that stuff. 13yr olds do not want to go to the zoo or a play area 😁

Mine stayed home alone from 11 and once they were 11&13 they could stay in the house together.

They were so relieved not to have to be dragged out on dog walks every day in the holidays and I was grateful for the peace and quiet!

He wants to stay home alone and watch frankie vaughan

I didn't want to go out with my mother at 13 and I was a girl. The same applied at 12, 11, 10.......

I would not tolerate that, it's totally taking the piss!

Completely 100% normal, I would say!!

Of course it's normal - he's a teenager

My 13 yr old will come with us if it's a theme park, bowling, cinema etc i.e. something that interests him, otherwise he'd rather stay home or go and see his friends. Totally normal really.

Totally normal, don’t take it personally.
DS1 was like that for a couple of years, barely spoke to me to be honest. It used to really upset me, I felt I’d done something terribly wrong bringing him up.
He’s 24 now with a home of his own and messages me every day.
He went to a heavy metal festival a couple of weeks ago and rang me every day for a chat.
Hang on in there, they do come back to you eventually 😁

Does he go out with his friends? Are you worried he's becoming a hermit that lives in his room and will meld with the furniture?

If he's socialising with friends, just doesn't want to hang with his mum and little sister he's very normal.

If not then you might need to encourage him to get out and do things age appropriate for him whether he wants to hang with you or not.

Some do and some don't. My ds was definitely in the doesn't want to camp! But I also saw some of his friends happily go out with their mum's and younger siblings. Ds is 16 now and slowly seems to be getting over this and hanging out with us more which is nice

Completely normal. Give him some space, he will feel embarrassed going out to the zoo etc with his mum and sister. He will come and spend time with you when he’s ready.

Yep, pretty much sums it up!
Had to take DS1 to the dentist after school at about that age, and I was told to wait around the corner and not be visible under any circumstances...it was the first time I realised I was now officially an embarrassment to be seen with 😁
Don't worry OP, it sounds absolutely run of the mill.
Does get better too - I had a nice day out at Monkey World the other week with DS's 17 & 18 🙂
We even bought a soppy monkey cuddly each from the shop afterwards (couldn't have imagined that 4 years ago)😂

It's fine as long as there is balance. Is he eating meals with the family and being a part of family life at home. Or is he just gaming and other screens and doesn't want to stop to leave the house.

It's normal. My DS would only come out with us at that age if it was theme park or he had no option. Now coming up to 16 and he didn't even want to come to a theme park with us this year.

Tot normal. They usually get a bit less antisocial when they get a girlfriend or hit around 18/19.

Sounds normal to me. DS1 is the same age and he'll come out with us sometimes but mostly wants to stay at home. He'll go out with his mates and he's just come back from army cadet camp, so he does get outside now and then, but he doesn't want to go out with his little brother or us really, unless there is food involved or something he deems to be fun.

Someone's got to the first amongst their peers to start disliking spending time with their parents and younger siblings in their free time. It just happens to be your son. His friends will soon be the same, most probably. Maybe the ones who have a brother similar in age may do this a bit later (mine always had each other to hang back on the path with when they started to want to distance themselves from the embarrassment that was me, and then they even started to want to spend time separate from each other, which came as a bit of a shock as they were always joined at the hip) but I can totally understand a 13 year old boy not wanting to spend a lot of time with his mum and little sister. He's grown out of you!

Sad but it's the beginning of the loosening of the apron strings for both of you. It would be more unsual for this stage NOT to happen.

Completely depends on what he's doing instead. Staying home alone on screens while you are out for the day isn't good for his mental health, physical fitness or social skills. If that's what he's doing I would persuade him to come out. If he's meeting friends, reading, doing a sport etc, then fine. I have a 13 year old DS. He'd just be on YouTube all day long if I didn't find things to engage him outside the house.