Do most people have generally bad school memories?

[GRex]

Inspired by a range of commentary from colleagues and peers, it strikes me that a number seem to comment about bad experiences in primary, secondary, or both. Thankfully nothing major, but bad memories nonetheless.

There are not going to be absolutes here, or nobody could be positive, but thinking about school memories on the whole. I remember a mixed bag, but broadly positive especially in secondary school, wondered if that is unusual.

YABU - generally speaking, school was awful for me
YANBU - school was OK, mostly happy memories

I don't have many bad memories of school, just a few... but I actually can't think of any good memories.

I think it depends what school you went to. My experience tells me that very large state schools or academies in big cities are worse. The ones where the kids never see the headteacher and the catchment area incorporates poor areas and posh areas (so there is big inequality amongst students)

I'm sure there are definitely exceptions, but the happiest students I've met have gone to rural schools with an obvious sense of community/identity and good headteachers

Mine are mostly good. There was a bit of bullying on the school bus, but school itself was good. They told me new stuff all the time, I was allowed to read a lot, to write, to draw. I still meet up with some school friends, now in our 50s. My mother wasn't at school, so there were some people who liked me.

I don't think my sister enjoyed it so much. A few months ago, I met up with friends of my parents, who had known my sister and me when we were really quite small, and one said, "your sister was always the more... angry one." She certainly had fallouts with her friends at times, and struggled a lot with her middle school (which was different from mine because of catchment area changes,) and didn't get on with her form tutor at secondary.

Academically I did well but I was bullied for years and was very shy at school. Even though I had a good group of friends and liked most subjects. School was full of anxiety and embarrassing moments. Was far happier when I went to college and uni.

I'm sure there are definitely exceptions, but the happiest students I've met have gone to rural schools with an obvious sense of community/identity and good headteachers

Yes, this was mostly my experience - but I think personality also plays a part. I fitted more than my sister in some ways, she in others. I think some people will have struggled more whichever school they went yo, some of us would have mostly adapted, wherever we went, though some schools would be better than others.

My father was at boarding school in the '40s and '50s, when it was meant to be full of beatings and bullying and so on. I'm sure there was some of that - one of his schoolfriends (whi was my sister's godparent) clearly had had a difficult time there, but Dad's memories mostly seemed positive. I doubt he'd have shared bad ones anyway, but what he did talk about were good, and we net some of his schoolfriends (one gave a reading at hus funeral,) and we were once taken to meet one of his teachers, so it can't have been terrible.

My summary is, we are all different, and even from a good school, no two people will have the same memories or opinions of it.

I always tell youngsters who are having a bad time, not to. Worry because school days are not the best days of your life.

My school days were horrible, I was the kid that was always that bit different. Was bullied through secondary school because of a combination of being poor and strict parents so wasn’t ever allowed to join in with anything, not that anyone would include me.

Was so happy to leave the dump and when our year has reunions I wouldn’t have gone, but didn’t even get invited, so yes the bullying/exclusion carries on.

It does still affect me as an adult, because girls at school are vile.

And schooldays bear no resemblance to the rest of your life. You may assume, because that’s all you know, that pecking orders, popularity, achievements etc will follow the same pattern as they did at school forever, but that’s not my experience at all.

I had a great primary school experience.

Secondary was so awful I wouldn't know where to start. I'm scarred by it.

Nope, loved school mostly happy memories.
and education opened doors for me…

Definitey the happiest days of your life. Carefree and responsibility free.

Mixed primary, boys and girls -
very small local school, big standard education wise but run by a husband and wife who were very kind, and forward thinking. Nuturing.
Girls grammar school, academic, nurturing, zero bullying of any kind. Still in touch with most of the girls from those days…

I absolutely loved school. Was gutted to leave!

Loved primary school but loathed secondary school and ended up truanting and suicidal because of relentless constant bullying. I left primary as a straight A pupil and left secondary without a single qualification. Not just name calling, but theft, damage to property, assaults, fag burns, etc. I can't even drive past my old school with failing nauseous and try to avoid the hell hole where possible. I also try to avoid all the other ex-pupils, even the "nicer" ones as it just brings back the horrible memories.

From what I hear, the school hasn't improved over the decades since. My nephew went there and likewise horrendously bullied and ended up leaving with crap qualifications.

Sometimes, these crap schools just need to be closed down and demolished. This one is forever getting relaunched under different initiatives, but it's rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic because the underlying societal problems remain whatever they call it, whatever new management team they put in. There is a specific "community" who live in the local area (nothing recent, they were there back in the 80s!), who are basically lawless (young and old), and who are happy to torment, bully, attack anyone they don't take a liking to, often for no reason. Schools and police are terrified of them so never take any action except for the most serious of instances, i.e. GBH etc. "Low level" stuff like bullying, minor assaults, etc., are just tolerated as it's not worth the effort to try to tackle the offenders. Absolutely appalling really, but some people really are untouchable.

But with little power, few meaningful choices, and in a very hierarchical situation? And not, by default, necessarily carefree or responsibility-free — I was always juggling multiple PT jobs with study, and looking after my younger siblings. We were very poor, and my parents weren’t the best at coping, and though, looking back, I was quite clever, our teachers were disillusioned from trying to keep order, and were too exhausted to care much..

I can honestly say that adult life has been a pleasant revelation compared to my schooldays, and compared to life as I envisaged it from my schooldays, even in its unhappiest moments.

No, I lived in a boarding school and also had big bum in secondary, for your culture this might not mean much, but big bottomed girls are often spoken of. I had full support of all teachers in all my schools and married a teacher also. I have never been bullied, even though spoken of or told things. This never bothered me because I love myself way too much and am very selfish whose opinion I take in. A full on top to bottom, secondary with 3 exams, very hard work, anyway. As long I have the energy to do the work and there is work to be done, I am happy in any institution

As top to bottom. Sounded like I mean my bottom

Loved primary school. Secondary/sixth form can burn in hell and I'd drink the water! Worst experience of my life and I'm still recovering nearly 15 years later.

Mixed in primary - though found out later in uni years I had both dyslexia and dyspraxia which explained a lot.

Secondary - they had knack of separating me from friends - reading back reports years later were very negative about me - I'd get near top in exams but get low effort mark - and some teachers seem hostile to me. I did really well at GCSE which surprised my own parents and seem to get ignored by the school.

I think it would have been better if I'd been allowed to leave for A-levels and go elsewhere - parents wouldn't allow that or let me to have any social life - I was miserable and home life wasn't great either - parents crumbling under older sibling going off rails elder care and jobs they hated and their own poor health.

DH has similar experience but was allowed to go to college so enjoyed his A-levels and his homelife was fine.

Been so much happier as an adult - certainly the school days were not the best of my life that's very dangerous thing to say to kids struggling in those years.

DC I think similar primary mixed and mostly good unfortunately the nurturing secondary school I sent them to went downhill under them - so all glad to leave secondary behind for college. Though I hope they have more positive memories than I do of secondary and they've had more social life outside school than I got.

I loved school. I'm old, so I did primary and middle school before going to an all girls school at 11. Such happy memories.

I went out for tea last week with my best friend from grammar school and we still regularly cry laughing at the stuff we got up to.

They probably weren't the 'happiest' days of my life, but they were certainly carefree and fun.

School days are a distant memory for me (1970s and 80s). I think I largely enjoyed primary school.

Socially, I struggled quite a lot in secondary school, especially in the lower years. Overall, I didn’t have an awful time but I didn’t love it either. There were some huge pluses though: some of my subject teachers were really good (especially in languages) and we had very committed music teachers and a terrific orchestra - there was a place for everyone in it and the teachers always found music to suit the range of abilities. I still have a close group of friends from then; we were all in the orchestra together.

I have always thought the suggestion that they would be the happiest days of anyone’s life was an awful one though: why ever suggest that childhood is the best bit in life and then it’s downhill all the way?

Sadly, not for all.

My secondary years were the most awful of my life, I was so relieved to leave and get to a decent environment. For many years I had deep resentment for my parents who very much settled for this school as a matter of convenience, though they did quite the opposite for my sibling, whom they worked hard to facilitate many superior school moves for, which very much facilitated the (niche) career they now enjoy. Have let it go now, as what's the point, it's not like I would ever receive an apology, but my goodness the things that went on in that school nowadays were shockingly bad practice, especially looking back from today's standards.
There was a hugely toxic vibe there-insane amounts of bullying from teachers and pupils and it was very much a "sink or swim" environment. Hated every moment of it.
I was lucky enough to be weirdly determined and diligent in my studies and did well enough to get out of the feeder sixth form and went onto follow the career path I wanted.Not many of my peers were so lucky, I feel sad looking back and remembering some of the real talents and brain power amongst my peer group - some of them had the real potential to go onto some real academic heights, but this was so discouraged and I still muse at how unforgivable this was even at that time.
My mother did many decades later acknowledge it was a terrible choice, but that by the time she realised it "didn't seem worth it'. That still stings to this day, specifically as she viewed academics (but not mine) so highly..... no logic or feeling still but there you go!

Some of my memories of school aren't great but many of them are good. Despite some of the shit I had to cope with, I enjoyed school.

I loved primary school, hated secondary- I loved the academic part but I was socially nervous coming from a small village to suddenly be surrounded by very confident kids who were more street wise, also people didn’t like to hang out with me as I worked hard so seen as a geek. So school was incredibly lonely, worst years of my life, I struggled with anxiety and depression and school made it worse and these were the days when you didn’t talk about mental health- I still feel bitter to the kids who blanked me, some being my mums friends kids, who treated me differently at school. My own distraction was burying myself into work.university was totally different- people weren’t immature and ostracise you because you worked hard! Would love to tell them how that impacted me. I’m now a teacher and try to keep an extra eye on kids who maybe picked on due to working hard and don’t put up with passive aggressive comments towards them from other students in the class..

It was a pretty mixed bag for me really. I went to one inner city primary school until I was 7 and although I didn't have a single friend the whole time I was there, I wasn't bullied or anything like that and on the whole I was pretty happy there. I enjoyed learning and doing well at things like reading and the teachers were all really nice.

We moved to a rural village when I was 7 and I went to the primary school there and it was wonderful, for the first time ever I had actual friends in school. The teachers were all wonderful, the school itself is beautiful and has lots of grass and trees and it had loads of playground equipment. I loved every minute there.

Secondary school was at times horrible with plenty of low-level bullying, mostly from so-called friends. However I really enjoyed having the opportunity to learn new languages and the variety of subjects on offer. By the time I was in year 10 and had chosen my GCSE subjects it was a lot better, I wasn't really in any classes with people I didn't get on with and mostly people were starting to grow up. I went on an exchange trip which I absolutely loved, made new friends etc. I then chose to stay on for sixth form and it was fine.

So it wasn't all great and perfect but I don't look back at my school days as the worst days of my life at all.

I absolutely loved my all-girls, not bitchy school and have some friendships that are over 50 years old from it. But looking back I can see that the teaching was extremely variable, from absolutely brilliant (shout out to Mrs Watkins, Mrs Myers, Mrs Sergeant) to disgracefully lazy and bad (Mrs Smith, I am looking at you...)