Do most people have generally bad school memories?

[GRex]

Inspired by a range of commentary from colleagues and peers, it strikes me that a number seem to comment about bad experiences in primary, secondary, or both. Thankfully nothing major, but bad memories nonetheless.

There are not going to be absolutes here, or nobody could be positive, but thinking about school memories on the whole. I remember a mixed bag, but broadly positive especially in secondary school, wondered if that is unusual.

YABU - generally speaking, school was awful for me
YANBU - school was OK, mostly happy memories

Just to add I've been to uni 3 times as an adult as well so my love for learning clearly continued 😂

I'm fairly ambivalent about school. Enjoyed learning and made some good lifelong friends

But, single sex didn't prepare us well for the real world. And the clear implication from staff was that, as pupils of a private school, we were better than the general public. So, that was pretty toxic and never sat happily with me

I loved school. Lucky to be in a small Primary and Secondary. I was academic and the environment suited me as very challenged. I have never been great at cooking/ household stuff even when younger so my happy place was learning. Felt so happy in that setting that l became a teacher spending my whole life until recent retirement in schools.
My dh was in boarding school and still impacting by severe trauma in that setting. He cannot comprehend me being so positive about my school experience. He was academic so nothing to do withcthat, just constant underlying bullying and put downs by other students with no escape. I did some counselling training and the one topic that kept coming up in group sessions was school memories and the impact it had ongoing on people, even more than family.
Also as a teacher a lot of parents would share negative school experiences with me as they discussed their own child's progress. Even coming into the school was a trial for them.
Since school takes up so much of our earlier lives its a shame its not a happier place for more people.

I really loved school.

I loved school, I was bright, worked hard and did well but sort of got away without being labelled a “swot” because I was also good at various extra curricular stuff. I wasn’t in the “in crowd” but got on ok with them and had a great group of friends. Still chat on WhatsApp with two of them daily. I also wasn’t afraid to stand up for myself if needed.

I hated school. Was academically capable but often bored, but I am a nonconformist at heart and raged against the rules and restrictions imposed. I enjoyed some subjects but largely stayed away from school and learned from books by myself. I was never bullied but had no interest in the in crowd, just had a few fellow outcasts and formed our own group. Happiest day of my life when I left. Loved university and now have two undergraduate degrees and two PG. Home educate two of my grandchildren.

When I saw your thread title I did a general memory scan to see if I could come up with some positive memories, and the best I could do was a few primary school memories of being allowed to play, very occasionally, in the convent grounds behind the school, which were very 19thc and mysterious, and my best friend and I sitting on a wall once on the way home eating the cakes we had made in cookery, which for once hadn’t turned out revolting.

But mostly, secondary particularly, it was a joyless stretch of physical discomfort, boredom, disenchanted teachers, mild bullying and hopelessness — 80s, huge recession, no jobs for when we finished school.

And yes, loved university from the first moment, and went on to do to four degrees.

I enjoyed learning but absolutely hated the school environment. Primary was great, secondary was OK for the first two years and then I changed school due to house move and my new school was awful. Classmates were bullies, teachers as well, zero pastoral care. Just awful environment. I was academically strong but that's where the fun ended. I honestly can't even remember half of my classmates' names.
My cousin went to the same school 8 years later and my aunt had to pull him out after the first year. So it's clearly a culture problem that perpetuated.
It was a very small part of my life, though so I don't dwell on it.

School was hell on earth for me. It damaged me for a long time.

I know quite a lot of people whose overall memories of school are negative- usually because of bullying unfortunately. But I know many more people who- like me- remember school as the best days of our lives. I just remember the daily belly-laughs. Laughing so much you can’t speak. I don’t laugh like that as an adult ‘cause the weight of the world is too heavy. I miss it.

Loved primary school but my grammar school was awful, not helped by being switched to comprehensive half way through my time there (BIG thanks - not -Tony Crosland). Sixth form was OK but I had too much social life and not enough study and got crap A-level results in consequence.

On balance, no I did not like school. Much happier out at work with no homework and money in my pocket.

Largely good memories for me. Of course boredom and walking to the bus in the rain and pitch black at 0745 in December was no fun. Double physics was torture.

But I was bright, had friends including a close best friend, supportive parents and went to a naice state school with lots of space and reasonable facilities.

Funnily enough my younger sister hated it - same school. But that was all to do with friends or lack of being able to like she fitted in.

I think this was partly down to the particular people in her year but also down to her personality.

I think having a good group of friends at school is what makes the difference.

The saying "schooldays are the best days of your life" used to fill me with dread. What if that was true!!!!

I hated pretty much every day. I didn't often go, especially if I had PE, as I was often covered in bruises from my sister abusing me. The only lessons I really went for was biology. I wrote an essay for my end of year 9 exam. The subject we were given was "a choice". I wrote about suicide. I wrote everything down that was happening to me as a cry for help. My head of year read it and said "I'd feel awful if someone really felt like that" and brushed it off. My mother absolutely flipped and screamed at me "why couldn't I write about buying a fucking ice cream?"

If biology and PE were on the same day, I'd try to get out of PE. My PE teacher shouted "are you taking the fucking piss?" At me in front of the entire year when I asked to be excused. I didn't want to show the whole year group I had finger marks on my upper arms and a huge burn on my back.
Nobody listened to me. Nobody gave a shit that I was being abused on a daily basis.

Loved learning and school was ok. Gave me the chance to learn musical instruments, play in the orchestra etc. But also pushed me down the science route, because I was clever. Was one of the 'swots' so a certain amount of bullying. Had a nervous breakdown at 14 due to the stress of constantly having to achieve. But had good friends and was generally popular.

I do remember feeling horrified when Dad said that 'schooldays are the best days of your life'. He was massively wrong, thank goodness.

I didn't necessarily hate it. I also don't look back at any of it with fondness.There were some really bad bits, there were boring bits, frustrating bits , proper WTF bits , but also some good parts, some friendships, some fun and laughter. The good parts were very superficial though.

Yeah, this for me.

I had a good friendship group, luckily didn't experience any bullying. Enjoyed English lessons, but hated Science and dreaded science days.

Would I want to go back and relive it? No. But I'm not traumatised from school and don't really think about those days much.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you found happiness as an adult 💐

I loved school from 1970 - 1982.

Absolutely wonderful years.

I see from my two teens just how important that group of friends is to them and how they divide up all their fellow pupils into groups/tribes and know very clearly which is "their" group.

I think if a child finds it hard to find their place then that is probably the biggest cause of unhappiness at school.

My son has just finished year 7 and loves school and has made loads of friends. I've noticed he has an eagle eye for how to fit in and absolutely no compunction about doing that whatsoever. So he now has the right hair, and is interested in all the things that make him one of the group. Sometimes I worry about this willingness to change himself in order to fit in. But he doesn't seem to find it jarring.

I guess for other kids with different personalities they may have a stronger sense of who they are and it may be harder to fit in with the group norms.

High school is best glossed over. Primary was pretty good.

Mixed feelings for me. Loved Primary school, but comprehensive school was a big shock, I was bullied in a low level way for being poor basically- not having the right look, clothes etc. I was bright though so did OK. Had lots of issues at home however and probably could have done better with the right support. Enjoyed 6th form more, felt more grown up and most of the bullies has left by then. Loved university too, found my people there.

I was bullied in secondary so didn’t enjoy it much.